What is Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
Ehlers-Danlos syndrome is a group of rare genetic disorders caused by a defect in collagen synthesis. Depending on the individual mutation, the severity of the disease can vary fro...
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Why can't he understand ?
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I have EDS type 3 and when I found out about it I decided that I did not want to bear my own childeren . I don't like that its pretty much a 50/50 shot that my child would be born with EDS . I am in pain constantly and do not wish to pass this on . Not to mention the complications that can arise for myself . I decided that if childeren were in my future that I would adopt or use a surrogate . I figure that gives whatever child I would have a chance at stronger genes . I am in a relationship with a very good guy who I like alot . He is very understanding of my constant pain and discomfort as well as my mood swings and anxiety . He wants childeren someday . I told him how I feel about having my own and hes not happy . He has a physical deformity in his hand and his foot . He said he has the same fear ( having a child with physical problems ) then said he also knows he is willing to take a chance that he could get a messed up baby even if he was perfectly healthy . I understand where he is coming from as well but I know I am not healthy and I know its a strong chance my child will suffer in pain everyday and I just can not do that . Would I love my child any less ? No , but if I have the chance to prevent it why not ? I just dont know what to do . I dont want to lose a great guy but I also dont want to stay in a relationship if I cant give him what he wants ....
Posted on 09/26/09, 05:09 pm |
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Maybe things would have been different if I had my daughter after I knew about EDS. The whole pregnancy couldn't be called easy, but thanks to the EDS my tummy regained it's pre-preggo apperance in 3 months! On a more serious note- I have a wonderful girl who is just like her mother, but doesn't show signs of EDS. I'm the only one who has it in my family (very odd) and no one understands it. No matter what method you use of bringing a child into this world there is no way to make sure it's "perfect", no matter how much all mothers wish this for the child to be. No matter what anyone says, the one you have to be true to is yourself. Is bearing your own child, who you watch grow up with pain, going to cause guilt on your part and resentment to said father? If that's the case then it might cause more stress then a relationship can resonable bare. No one knows but you. Maybe the man you are with simply desires a little child who resembles the one he loves, and hasn't figured the emotional toll that it can bring. Help him see things a different angle. A great guy will be willing to give you what you want, (just as you desire to give him what he wants) with any luck what he wants is whatever is best for you emotionally and physically. 
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I am not the only one in my family who has it which is just another reason it scares me so much . All 3 of my sisters have it as well . The guilt I would feel would be very strong . I would hate to watch my child suffer through so much pain . I am not going to give up and I think I can get him to understand .
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i can understand your fears as well. i refuses to have any child if it gets passed on an the risks are high. i could never live with the guilt of seeing my own child grow up with the same issues i've had to deal with. not happening. my boyfriend Rob wants his own child as well (if we get married but its not on the cards yet but we have spoken about the future) but when i explained to him the problem he was mighty upset but he understood it would be a major risk for me with the vascular type as well. i said i could bare the child but i may not survive it an its not fair for the child to grow up with out a mother an even if i did survive it the complications of infections (as i have this so often that i'm close to being immune to antibiotics that are really strong) an the child would have a huge chance of getting eds as well an he's seen the worse of my depression due to the eds. donno if it got through to him but i did say i'd adopt or use a surrogate if he wanted but he'd have to make sure he can make sacrifices as i would not be able to always look after the child when i am injured as happens often. maybe a chat with all the pro's an con's an listening the reasons for both sides an trying to come to some agreement that your both happy with. but he sounds like a wonderful man.
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