Eating Disorders Support Group

My mom, sisters and doctor are all proud of me for putting on weight. I went from 90 something pounds to 130 and that's healthy supposedly for me. I feel huge though. Every ounce I put on makes me cry. I hate being like this, but it feels like the only thing that I can control besides self harming (I guess this is a form of self harm too...). I am desperate to feel better...but I can't bring myself to eat anything. I seriously have a bagel sitting next to me and all I wanna do is toss it in the trash. I realized they left dinner in the microwave for me last night and i have to wait to have my sister go away to throw that out too. Why do I have to be this way? It isn't fair for me to have all of these problems when my sister's have very little.

I only gained weight because of medication, not because of eating. I love the feeling of being hungry, of only drinking a cup of juice a day or a cup of coffee. It's hard to hide it though...excuses not to eat dinner are the hardest. Breakfast and lunch are easy and dinner on work days are easy but never other days. Plus I work out without eating, which i know isn't healthy.

I'm new here by the way. Just starting to realize I have a problem, but not wanting to accept it. Here I'm just getting everything out I guess. You don't have to respond if you don't want to. Bye for now.
Posted on 07/05/09, 12:07 pm