Hey Everyone,
My sister just found this forum for me and suggested that a join this group. This is my first post. I've been keeping my ED a secret from my family for so long that it became an obsession- my whole life started to feel like a lie. I'd lie about what I ate, I'd hide food in napkins while no one was looking, I'd spit food into the toilet. My life was, and, who am I kidding, STILL is about food. I hate that. Every day I tell myself there has to be more than this, but I can't grasp it. I keep hoping I'll wake up tomorrow and magically not fear food with the intensity I do now. I know my ED is about control. I'm 21 years old and I do to college down the street. I've been living at home as my friends moved away and my bf left for Ga Tech. Long Distance has been really hard. My parents are very controlling. As long as I'm with my boyfriend I can do whatever, but when he is away I am very limited. It began to feel like I was living to make them happy. Food was the one thing that was mine- that I could change and resist and it became my tool to fight against them. Realizing this now- it's very hard for me to get well in the house. Because when they ask: "More potatoes?" One voice screams "NO NO NO you don't really need it, resist, fight back, don't give in" and the other voice says, "You need to eat more. You need to get well for you." But that's just it. I want to eat those potatoes or that scoop of icecream because I want to, not because they do. I'm tired of wanting what they want. I'm 90 pounds now, 5"4', and I've told my parents I can do this on my own. I'd love any advice anyone may have for me. Is this too great an undertaking to do on my own? Having my parents stuffing my face is my worst nightmare- I'd rather feel full at the hands of anyone except them. Today has been hard because it's Memorial Day and everything is about food food food. Sorry for the rant, and I'm excited to join this community =0) I
hope this will help me get better, faster.
Posted on 07/04/09, 06:07 pm
Hi! Welcome. Sounds like you have a lot of information about your situation. You are obviously aware of what is going on for you. So, I would say, yes you can do this alone. But, why would you want to? I mean, really, ultimately, we are all alone of course, but control is very tricky and there are so many neat and smart people out there that I suggest grabbing anything from anyone that is helpful to you. Be well and you are in my thoughts! 
