Dyspraxia & Apraxia Support Group

My son had a few tantrums in his heyday, and sometimes it was due to not getting his way, sometimes it was due to us not understanding what he was trying to communicate. Either way, it was impossible to communicate any clearer when he was like that. The thing that worked for Ethan (although it may not work in all cases, of course) was the crying pillow. I made a huge pillow, and everytime Ethan would start up, I'd tell him to go to it. There he'd stay until he had calmed himself, then he'd ask to get up, I'd let him, and we'd usually get a much better idea what was upsetting him once he calmed down. That really worked for us; he was allowed to scream, cry, kick, or whatever, but ONLY if he was on that pillow. It worked, in my opinion, because it allowed him to vent, but only in a specific place. I never used it as a "punishment," per se, but as a means to get him to learn place-appropriate behavior. Once we started it and he was used to it, the crying jags in the stores stopped. No pillow in the store, right? If he started acting out, I'd ask him, "Do we need to go home to your pillow?" He actually got to the point where he'd go and get his pillow without even being told to do so. Thankfully, he now has acheived self-control; you can see him getting frustrated but he calms himself down. We haven't used that pillow in a couple of years now, but it's still right there in the closet if he decides he needs it. Hopefully I've helped a bit; if nothing else, regardless of the outcome, it will get better...Take care.

Oh the pillow is a great idea! my son who's three has a really hard time comunicating, especially if its something or someone new. I will defently have to talk to my husband about this!
Right now we just send him to his room, but it of course has no effect if we're out in public, which is usually where we have the most difficulties. "You want what honey?" "What's a ba-ba?" ETC ETC ETC.

Hi, I don't know if this is linked with this but it sounds similar. Whilst I never had anything like that when I was younger, but through some of my teenage years and within the passed five years, I am now 22, this might not quite add up but oh well. I have been known to suffer moments where I have literally broken down into tears, but I think in my occasion is was stress. All my mum normally does, well my mum and my sister, at times I think my sister understands me better than my mum. They normally wrap their arms around me and console me the best they can(gosh this is really uncomfortable telling you all this) but anyway, maybe there are someways which are more appropriate for younger people. I suppose it depends on the cause of the meltdowns, if its more like a tantrum cos they cant get their own way, then yes I would agree with some of your ideas, but if its being over tired or whatnot, sometimes it just takes a bit of patience and a bit of TLC. Thats all thats needed, patience, tolerance and TLC. Sometimes it may happen in inappropriate areas but most of the times, its not done on purpose, please understand its not done on purpose, its something that sometimes just cannot be controlled. But again it depends on whats caused it.

Well thats my two pence, hope this gives some insight. Cos its given me a headache lol.

Sorry for the long post folks.

Riddlws

Thank you Riddles. I completely agree. As I said I think that the pillow idea is great for the tantrums that happen because as a child they can't always have thier way. (my older son who's 5 does this alot) But I agree about the consololing them if it's something differnet. I am always snuggling with my dyspraxic son and interpreting for him with new people (well when I can understand what he's trying to say) When and I have really bad communication i usually ask him to point to it,or we use hand and body signales, our charades has gotten pretty good! Sometimes though I give up before either of us gets too upset. My son is very agressive and has a lot of anger over the communication thing.
Thank you for the insight Riddles! You are definetly helpful and needed here!

I have just talked about in another reply what I call as "Overloading" Children an adults who have had to much information (visual,auditory or sensory) get to much at once and "Pop" The cushion is a great idea. I use the same in school. In class I used one for a little boy, another had a special room, another threw himself under a table and one belive it or not would hug the u bend of toilet. Untill after 1 hour I flushed the toilet and the noise made him come out and he started using the cushion.The children were never stopped and would even learnt to give a sign that they needed to go. The times of overloading got less as they got older. After work doesn't everyone need a little me time.

I have these sometimes and I am 26, so I have to disagree with you that they go away, Hazel. They don't ever go away, or not for me anyway, it is sometimes intensely frustrating trying to communicate with people. Sometimes others do not know why I feel this way since the cause is something so small to them they do not see it. Things like housework or dealing with money and bills or filling in forms or even making phone calls sometimes are very stressful for me. Or I get very frustrated with myself when for example I fail at another job interview and cannot communicate that I have skills and experience and could be a good employee. So therefore I do not believe that these meldowns go away. I used to be very active in a local dyspraxia meetup and online group and this was a similar experience to a lot of people there, even those who were past retirement age. The thing is although you can learn skills and improve, throughout life you are always coming up against new situations or people and have to keep on learning.

I totally agree with you in that your "meltdown" doesnt go away. I should have been more specific in that I am able to control it up to 11 years old in our school. For children in schools, I explained that, they have somewhere to go at these times,and the children I work with haven't as many problems and obstacle as you or grown ups have. With doing the exercise programme It helps them overcome alot of difficulties and the stress of dealing with school lessons.I have watched with interest these children and they seem to be doing OK later on. I hope I didn't look as though I was claimimg a cure as I am not. Everyone is different as are their difficulties.