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Discussion:
Different Kinds Of Support
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You know how things just pop in your head for no reason. This si really bothering me. Sunday I had about a ten minute sessions of confusion, due to being i sun. I had sense enought to come in on my own. I was a bit confused at first, didn't arge with boyfriend. he told me to lay down and rest. I did. I layed wth my eyes closed and a small cover over me. My boyfriends son called. I was lying right there, I heard every word.

He told his son I was out in the sun too long and was lying down. He said " Son , this is getting old, and real quick". He said she does stupid crap like that, then I am the one that has to deal with it, it isn't fair to me.

As soon as he hung phone up, I said what was that all about? I didn't inconvience you, I came in on my own and never asked you for a damn thing.You sat here watching a movie you were caught up in. I said what is getting old?, and quick? I said you don't have to be left here to deal with me or anything. I never ask you for nothing and you know it. He said I am very supportive of your MS. I said how? He said I mow your yard, I help you in and out of cars and stores. I carry the heavy stuff from the grocery. Im always telling you to watch your step, to be careful. I said that is all Strength, Physical Support, Not Mental support. This man has NEVER seen me on a really bad day.

I broke it off for good. He has his 84 year old mother to take care of, I told him it wouldn't be fair never knowing what my life would be like day to day, and he couldn't handle one small episode, I can only imagine. Was I right in the difference of Physical and mental support being two different issues?
Posted on 07/05/12, 11:44 pm
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Reply #1 - 07/06/12  9:33am
" For starters, I think the ways in which your boyfriend claims he supports you, mowing the lawn, carrying packages, etc. are what any normal decent man does for a woman, healthy or not. And I do think there is a difference between physical & mental/emotional support. If I were feeling bad & needed compassion, mowing my lawn won't fulfill that need. "
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Reply #2 - 07/06/12  12:47pm
" Hi
I am relatively new here but your entry caught my eye.
You are much better off w/o this man .
I can kinda relate I have lyme or ms (its a fine line) but I lean to the former for a couple of concrete differences.
that is just plain awful what he said to you unaccptabe good riddance. "
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Reply #3 - 07/06/12  6:26pm
" It is hard for people, especially us men, to be supportive when we don't have a clue about what is going on. A key thing for us is to accept that we don't understand a particular issue.

For example, my wife has been pregnant twice. (Long time ago, our youngest is 26 years old now.) I had to understand what she was going through from memorization rather than empathy. I hope I did it well.

He may be one of those guys who will "never" be able to do the memorization thing, and as such he will always have a hard time being supportive.

I'm sorry that it led to a break up. If he tries to get back together you may need to educate him about the art of sympathy for a condition he does not (or will not) understand.

Gentle hugs "
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Reply #4 - 07/07/12  12:56am
" Thanks for the feedback. I have asked him to come look at my support group, hoping he would see and learn more about the disease. he did it, but with an eyeroll. He wasn't on here 5 minutes, he said I know all about the disease, and left the room. I am fine with the break up, don;t know if its the new anti-dep or what, but I will begin a new journey in my life, and pretty excited about it/ Don't get me wrong, we were together 3 years, he is a good hard working mn, just not interested in supporting me emotional. I will be fine "

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