Diabetes Type 1 Support Group

Welcome. Sorry to hear what you are going through but you and your step-daughter will come out stronger in the end.

Thank you. I think so , too. Always trying to think positive. Negativity gets me nowhere!

Hi ShellieRanae. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. You don't mention your partner (your stepdaughter's dad). How is he dealing with all this? What sort of role does he play with his daughter's diabetes? Does he get along with his ex, can you reason with her? If she is shown a book or headed letter from the doctor explaining when and how much insulin your daughter needs, will she understand or will she keep on doing the same thing?

sorry to hear what your going through I am going through the same thing my husband is type 1 and he has no insurance everything is out of pocket

Her father does play a big role in all of this...he is just always working. He soesn't get along with his ex because she is very manipulative...always has been. We have been dealing with her bullying for going on 11 years, now.
As for my step daughter...she was diagnosed almost 5 years ago and her mother is aware of what to do. She has been to every endo appointment and still gives my stepdaughter things she should't eat and tells her that by not taking care of herself will not result in bad health as an adult! Just yesterday, she gave my stepdaughter a half of a cookie from the mall that was so full of chocolate and sugar that 40 carb grams were given and her blood sugar still skyrocketed! It's almost likke she does some things intentionally. Many times , mom has told her to not take insulin or even run it through her pump because her numbers were lower than usual. Her pump calculates and won't give insulin if it's not needed. I don't understand. My sd's step dad even told her once that she wouldn't be so fat if she wouldn't take so much insulin...doesn't make any sense to me. It's almost like mom will do anything just the opposite of what we do just to spite us....even at the expense of her daughter's life!

There is some truth to the fat thing. Insulin does make you put on weight. Also, if you are taking more insulin it is often to accommodate extra food like the cookies and stuff, which also makes you fatter obviously. Of course type 1s have to take insulin, but if we take too much it does make us put on weight. There is also a possibility that diabetics can be taking too much insulin and eating to keep up with this.

Is your sd able to carb count herself? If so then could she choose herself a cookie or treat at the shops after checking which one has a reasonable amount of carbs in? I think it would be a good idea to teach her to manage her own condition and so she is absolutely certain about what she should inject when, and can stand up to her mum and contradict her if she tells her something which is wrong. At the end of the day it is your sd's body and her diabetes, whatever her mum thinks, she cannot force your sd to inject or not inject, eat or not eat, it is up to your sd and if she knows what to do there isn't much her mum can do about it.

I realize that taking a lot of insulin can make you put on weight, but my step daughter is barely over 100 lbs and at least 5'4" tall....so weight isn't even an issue. Yes, she can carb count by herself, and for the most part, does. She has an insulin pump, so she just has to put the carb numbers in and the pump calculates what she is given. Her mom has always told her not to give insulin for certain things and when we see her endo, we ask. The endo says run everything through her pump. If it isn't necessary to give insulin, the pump doesn't give it. She is 14 and fully capable of doing a lot of this herself, but ...being a teenager, she won't. She relies on me most of the time to help her add up her carbs. When she is not with me and her dad, she doesn't seem to use her head and gives too much or too little. Her endo says this is typical of a teen and that they seem to lose all brain function at this age for some reason....lol
It's just hard for me to understand why her mom can't/won't do right by her daughter, such as....her pump is to be changed every 2 to 3 days and her mom waits and won't change it until day 4, sometimes even 5!! When the canula is pulled out, it is bloody and leaves scars. After so many scars in one area, she won't be able to use that area for a while. We alternate from right ot left hip every time. By not changing the pump on time can cause major infection! It's almost like a small iv or catheter that stays in place for 2 to 3 days. Her mother is so overwhelmed as well as scatterbrained that she doesn't handle ANY situation very well. I feel bad for her, but all she has to do is talk to the doctor and get her answers......she won't. Instead, she will always do just the opposite of what we do just to spite us...even putting her daughter's health at risk. It's a shame and really takes it's toll on my stepdaughter. I love her as my own and I hate to see what stepdaughter's life would be like if she lived with her mother. We have had custody for two years, now...thank God!

You said she was ordered to spend time with her mother. Was the court aware of this issue at the time? I think that if I were her parent I would seek to have visits extremely limited, possibly even supervised. It may seem an extreme measure, but it sounds like it's needed, at least until mom gets her rear in gear. And telling her she's fat in any way is nothing but destructive, which should also be brought to the court's attention. It is abuse. I have heard before that diabetics tend to go off track in their teens. I once had an absolutely horrid ER doc tell my mom that I was lying about taking my insulin. I was sick and had high BS levels as a result and he just assumed that, since I was a teen, I was "out of control," which was completely untrue at the time. ...I did go through a time like that later, but I was only a year or two diagnosed at that time and doing well. I think what happens is that you just burn out. MOST people get it in early childhood so, by the time they hit teen years, they are burned out. Combine that with normal teen stuff and they kind of crash. The last thing your s.daughter needs is someone telling her NOT to do what she should. It sounds like she may also need tools to help her put her mother in her place. She needs to have more power over herself. ...I also wonder what she's like with friends. I mean, can she tell them "NO, that's a terrible thing to do" if she needs to?

Yes, the court was awar eof everything at the time she was ordered to visit her mom. The same judge had already ordered that she didn't have to visit if she didn't want to. Sdaughter hadn't been to her mom's in almost two years. Her mom hasn't paid chils support or ANY medical reimbursement for the entire two years, either!
Unfortunately, sdaughter won't stand up for herself with her mom. There are a lot of issues behind that, ranging from step dad to touching her inappropriately, to the way they chose to discipline her. We originally asked for supervised visits...to no prevail! Sdaughter even told the judge, herself about the inapprpriate touching.(he did this exact same thing to his bio son, then voluntarily gave up all rights when he was looking at getting in trouble)
Mom was ordered to pay a portion of the child support owed by the 9th. If she doesn't, that gives us a chance to prove all the things that are going on. As the time gets closer for sdaughter to go back to her mom's after our visits, her numbers are always high and she is very stressed....even to the point of tears. When she was ordered to go for the visit with her mom, she had a meltdown right in front of her mom's attorneys and the judge....noone seems to care. It seems to be more of a money game than anything, which is ridiculous! I just pray that the judge sees it for what it is and soon!It makes my husband and myself feel like failures having to send her to the one place she doesn't want to be...

I'm so sorry to hear all that's going on. It's unbelievable that the people involved could be so stupid. She is old enough that she should not have to see anyone she doesn't want to. I don't understand that this judge seems to have just ignored what she told him. Just really incredible. ...Would she herself be interested in speaking with us? Or with diabetics her own age? It may be a help just to talk. Please tell her that she has my support, even though we don't know each other. I wish her and your whole family all the best.