What is Depression Teen
Adolescent depression is a disorder occurring during the teenage years marked by persistent sadness, discouragement, loss of self-worth, and loss of interest in usual activities. ...
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I have a 17 year old son who seems to hate me. He is beginning to completely shot me out and it hurts very deeply. Just until a few years ago, we were very close, or at least I thought we were. I'm just very irritating to him now.
He had failing grades and was isolating himself from his friends when he was a freshmen. We sent him to a wilderness camp where he was diagnosed with depression. We sent him onto a therapeutic boarding school for a year afterwords where he did very well. I thought I had the son I knew back. His grades were good, he shared things with me, and seemed to be interested in friends and doing the right things again. He seemed happy. After the therapeutic boarding school, we sent him to a college prep boarding school, although he wanted to live at home. We truly believed that was the best thing for him. He did well for about a semester at his new school, than things started to fall apart for him, and he hates me for I'm not sure what. I know I was not a good parent, but I did my best. I've yelled at him, and even slapped him once which I am very sorry for. I was inconsistent with him.. Very kind and trying to support him most of the time, than lashing out at him out of frustration. I have him in a therapy now, and I've been told by his therapist that he has real issues with me, though I have no idea what they are. He rarely answers my phone calls or calls me now, although he is polite when we do talk. Should I keep trying to connect with him, or should I just leave him alone and let him be? I want to do what is best form him. I would very much appreciate an advice from teens perspective. Posted on 11/01/09, 12:11 am |
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This is a tough one...I would try calling him, but only once in awhile. That way he'll know you care, but will not be annoyed by your calling him a lot. Maybe giving him some space will help him come around, at least a little bit. 
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Sometimes when things aren't going right for a teen, they lash out at there parents and elders. It happened to me and my mom. I had been really depressed for awhile and it just seemed like my mom was out to make my life worse. We fought and we fought, yet she was always there to help me. I think what is best for you to do right now is to be there for him as someone to listen. Try to contact him some, but try waiting and seeing if he calls you. Sometimes it is hard to be nice to someone who approaches you wanting to help you. You just have to be there for him and not give up on him. He will come to you when he is ready. I hope this helps. I hope everything goes well between the two of you.
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When I first moved away from home, my parents didn't call me for a couple weeks- i had gotten used to talking to them and it was hard for me when that happened.
Eventually I started calling them, in fact I talk to one or both of my parents nearly everyday now. I think you should give him his space, but when he's reading to talk just be there for him and try not to get too upset. Another suggestion is that you go to counseling as well at separate times than him. That way you can learn to deal with everything you've had to go through by having a son with depression.
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Thank You for your replies. I think they're all good advice!
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Sometimes people lash out at the ones who they think love them most because they think that person won't leave them.
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Thanks for encouraging words. I do believe when my son dislikes me the most is when he is depressed and struggling with other areas of his life. When he seems to be doing well, he calls me, shares things with me and thanks me.
It's been about 2 weeks since I started irritating him extremely.. and he hasn't been turning in his homework at school. He also went off his antidepressant medication and is refusing to take it again.. I know he must be in pain and that's the most difficult part for me. I don't know how to help. I'm proud of you all here for participating in support groups such as this and taking time trying to help others. Thank You.
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A lot of advice has already been given, but I want to add something. Did you ask what your son wanted at all? It sounds like you've sent him places he had no real say in. The therapeutic boarding school was a good thing to do, but did you ask what his feelings about this were? After you sent him to the college prep boarding school, he started to resent you again. He wanted to stay home, but did you let him? Did he even want to go to this school? I'm not saying you're a bad parent or anything, because I can tell you really care for your son. I've seen mothers do the wrong things for their children and none of them catch onto what they've done. My advice: ask him how he feels about this and let him know he can speak up about any decision he's involved in. That's just what I'm getting anyway.
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Hi Cloud, Thanks for not accusing me of being a bad parent, but I probably am. My son probably wouldn't be in his current situation if I had been a good parent. I don't believe any mother could love their child more than I love him, but that doesn't make me a good parent. I did many wrong parenting things... Like too much love and no wisdom.
Yes, you're right.. He did not want to go to this school, but felt pressured. I also felt pressured to send him even though my prayers and gut feeling told me not to. (Only about 40% of kids who apply to this school are accepted.. He worked hard on his application, I think because he wanted to do the right thing and please us.) He wished that he was never accepted. His therapist at his therapeutic boarding school said it would be good for him but I think he was wrong. I can't undo the past so I have to do the best I can from this point on, and somehow make it up to him. I will take your advice and try to listen to him more if he is willing to talk.
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One thing you could do is send him a letter. Especially if he is still away from home, he has something to hold on to. I know I would want a letter from my mom or family if I was away.
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