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How to help someone with Depression
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Hi,
I have been with boyfriend for about 2 and 1/2 years now and he has been suffering from depression for the past 6-7 months. He is on medication and meets with a psychiatrist once a week but I cant help but feel like its not working. I know that there is no easy fix for depression but i expected him to feel better by now. I feel like a terrible person for saying this because he is the one going through the depression, but I feel helpless when i try to help him and I dont know what to do. I try to be there for him as best as I can and talk to him whenever he needs someone to talk to. However, we have been in a long distance relationship since September so it is very difficult for me physically be there for him because we arent in the same city. I visit at least once a month and we talk on the phone daily. I try to be there and be positive, but i feel like he just shuts me out and I keep forcing myself into his life. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but its getting harder and harder to deal with him pushing me away. Recently, he has started to like other people that he has met online and in person but he said he wouldnt act on it because we are in a relationship. But if I break up with him I am afraid he will attempt to kill himself because he has attempted to previously. I want everything to just go back to normal but I know this is unrealistic and I want to be there for him all the time so badly but it is getting really hard and I feel exhausted, nothing I do is right. Please any advice would be helpful . P.S. we are both 21 years old if that makes a difference Posted on 04/17/11, 02:59 am |
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Hi hun.You are very young to be dealing wit this.Of course you are tired with all that going on.I have depression.I can also relate to what your BF is saying.Youalso need to look after yourself.Do you mean he fancies people online? I would not like that and you have a right to say that.You are not responsible for his medication or if he commits suicide though I can see you want to help.Meds can take time to work.Please get time and space for yourself when you need it. 
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Does he have any guy friends that you know and can talk to and perhaps gain a different perspective on...perhaps there are other issues not in the least related to your relationship with him ??
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I have major deppressive dissorder, add, insomnia, and im a recovering alcoholic. My depression comes in cycles. For months i could be fine, and then all of the sudden..i cant bear to leave the house. I am also engaged, and i have been in a relationship for 4 yrs. It is sometimes hard for us, because he thinks that if he keepstelling me he loves me, and im so beautiful, and i can accomplish anything..i will be fixed..and it doesn't work like that. And medication helps, but only so much, the rest you have to do on your own. I have been on every medicaction under the sun, and i have been in therapy since i was probably 7. If you want this to work you will 1st off, get informed on what depression is, try to understand our side of the coin, and what we experience. When he gets in his depressive moods..its just like nursing a cold...what makes him feel better? even just for a second..maybe a favorite song or his fav comfort food...a little bit goes a long way, its not what u did that counts, but it was how u went out of your way to do little "cheer me ups" to help him get through his rut. I hope that helps
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Have you ever tried to break up with him and had him threaten suicide, or was his attempt unrelated to his relationship with you?
No matter what, it is NEVER your fault for someone else's problems. You can love and support someone with all you have, but frustrating as it is, it's not all on your shoulders and you can't be expected to "fix" someone. If you were my friend and this was an otherwise healthy relationship, I'd suggest breaking things off with him if he's so far away and is starting to look elsewhere. I know that you've been together for a long time and you're worried about him. In the end, you have to do what's right for you, both of you.
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