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Discussion:
10 year old / depression?
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My 10 1/2 year old boy was screaming he wanted to kill himself last night. He'd been walking down the hall behind his 8 year old brother, on their way to bed, when the 8 year old stopped and my older boy smacked him - HARD - on the back of the neck. I was standing right there and gave Matt (the older boy) a quick, small smack on the butt and told him 'Why did you do that?'

In retrospect, I see how I over reacted and I wish I hadn't. Matt immediately felt sorry because Logan was screaming, fell down holding his neck. Matt is oversensitive to criticism and sees discipline as hate.

How can a 10 year old even think about killing themselves? We've had a lot of depression issues surrounding abandoment, rejection and being unloved by his absent father... but he's never mentioned killing himself. He was in couselling last year, but it wasn't available over summer holidays.

We had a long disucussion about how suicide isn't something to joke or threaten with, that it's permanent, you can't reverse it, how it would hurt mommy and grandpa and grandma and uncle, etc. I cried in front of him and told him to please, please, please come to me if he was ever seriously thinking about hurting himself. He said he would... I think I scared him a little bit, which maybe wasn't a bad thing when he saw how seriously I was taking it.

There's a lot of history here that I don't have time or typing skills to get into, but I'm scared and frustrated. It's been bad for about 3 years, Matt just... doesn't like himself. The one thing that seems to work is when I say positive statements and he repeats them. We do this before bed - i.e. - "I'm a good person, and my family loves me", "I"m smart, I'm a good person with animals, I'm kind and funny and people like me", "I'm important", "These are the people that love me... mom, Gord (step dad), Logan )(brother), mamma, yaya (Grandpa), Uncle Ed... etc"

So... help. Please.

Becky
Posted on 09/12/10, 11:54 am
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Reply #1 - 02/27/11  10:29am
" well I'm 11 and I have severe depression. I thought of killing myself, and my parents told me they were getting divorced,and I was being bullied at school. Anybody of anyage can get depression(even babies). It might be depression. But DON'T medicate him. I recomend friends he can talk to and counselling. Make sure there isn't any problems at school. I hope your kid feels better. "
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Reply #2 - 02/28/11  5:27pm
" I have an 11 year old is being treated for depression with meds and it has helped. He is also ADHD and takes meds for that also. It took a couple of years to get the right combo. His therapist sees him at school and here at home and the local mental health group also has an aid starting with him next week for 15 hours a week. Some people think it is unsafe to put them on meds and I felt the same way for a long time but I am so grateful to see him becoming happier. He went through a stage where he would tell people he wanted to die or wanted to kill himself. Even had to take him to the hospital by ambulance after he stood up in class and screamed "I want to kill myself". At this age it is very hard for them to express the pain they may be feeling. Hang in there "
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Reply #3 - 03/17/11  7:25pm
" You need to take him seriously, children of any age have and can commit suicide! I have a 9 year old who has been treated for anxiety and depression for a couple of years now. She is on a very low dose of Zoloft, which causes no side effects, shot or long term. She has cried her eyes out begging to die and trying to hurt her self as recent as 2 weeks ago. I know the kind of pain that causes as a mother. I would definitely get him into counseling. "
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Reply #4 - 03/26/11  8:11pm
" i have an 8 (almost 9) year old son, and sounds like we have a lot in common. he has also mentioned killing himself a few times.

he has been in therapy but hated it. i am working on finding him a therapist who does more than the "talk therapy" and more "kid friendly" type approaches. i got a lead, now i just have to figure out if she'll take us on cash payments (no insurance).

i think i scared my son when he first said it too, and i continue to tell him when he mentions it that it's permanent, that i've had friends suicide, that his grandpa (just recently) suicided, etc. i told him that people who kill themselves leave a lot of hurt people behind. i told him that i understand what it's like to feel so bad you are suicidal, cause i myself have thought that way in the past. but, i realize it's not a solution and i got help.

my son's threats usually occur after being with his father (who is mostly absent, and every few months takes them for a few days, and then is back out of their life). he feels unloved by his dad. i know he needs a dad, and i can't be a mom and a dad. it's hard for him too, as i have had a very rough few years with severe health problems (chronic pain, cancer, back injury that left me in a wheelchair for a while, etc). we lost our home and had to move in with family, so now the stress is intense and he misses our "old life". i don't blame him, i do too.

my son also is very introverted, and often is left out at school. i feel awful that he feels so low about himself, feels left out, unloved by his father, etc. he gets VERY angry at times, and it's often then that he mentions wanting to die. then a half hour later he is back happy, cuddling with me, or playing legos. his old self. i have always thought my son has a dr. jekyll/mr. hyde personality. i often wonder if he is bipolar. my ex-husband is bipolar, and so was his grandpa that just killed himself a few months ago (xmas). it runs strongly on his dad's side, and depression runs strongly on my side. i almost wish i wouldn't have had children had i known more about my mental health history. i love my kids...but because i suffered so much as a child, at the hands of adults (abuse I won't get into here), and have suffered with lifelong depression and anxiety....i hate to see it repeat in my own children.

i don't know how to help him. i have tried everything i can think of. i know it hurts to never know when his father will pop back into his life. i try to keep our routines as much as possible, but with my illness, that is not always possible. i feel terrible when i make a promise to do something and then i end up sick, in the hospital, or too ill to get out of bed. i know it is out of my control, but i know my kids are let down once again.

in addition to the counseling for my son, i am trying to find a counselor who will do family counseling for all of us together. it will be way more than i can afford, but i also know i can't afford NOT to do it either. if that makes any sense? my kids are 10 and 8 (nearly 11 and 9) and i know with the pre-teen years things will only intensify if they are not nipped in the bud now.

i also wish my ex-husband would either man up and be a dad, on a regular basis....or just walk away. the stuff that happens to my kids while they are at their father's are crazy, but the courts don't care. he doesn't support them financially and never has, which has made life a LOT more difficult. i have always paid for everything, and it's hard in this economy, with me unable to work. i wish the courts cared more about emotional abuse and neglectful environments. my kids are not allowed to bathe or shower when they do see their father, they are made to babysit their two younger half sisters (infant and toddler) for up to 8 hours at a time (illegal in my state). they are left alone for long periods. they are told they are wasting his girlfriend's money when they order a dollar item for dinner (they get to eat twice a day and that's it). i could go on and on with the crap that happens at their fathers, and i know that only aggravates the whole situation. i bought my kids a prepaid cell to use to call me, in case of emergency (their dad has OD'd before and they had no way to call for help...their dad's GF ran next door to call 911). their dad often takes their cellphone away from them so they cannot call me, and other such nonsense. i am not the kind of mom who calls their kids 900 times per day. i dont allow my kids to text nonstop, or use the phone when they are doing things as a family at their dad's house. those are rules i made, not him. they call no more than once per day, and sometimes don't call at all.

anyway, this isn't about me....i just wanted to tell you that you are definitely NOT alone. although my son is a bit younger than yours, it seems we have a lot in common. i wish i could just wave a wand and erase all the hurt my kids have endured in their lives. :( if you ever want to chat, feel free to contact me. i hope you find a solution for your son. i think sometimes they feel so overwhelmed and they don't even know HOW to put a name to what they are feeling. just an opinion.

i hope you find a solution and your son feels better soon. "
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Reply #5 - 03/29/11  8:00pm
" I realize now that this thread is old. I wonder if the OP is still active here? I'd love to know an update. I wish the date was more prominent. For some reason I never think to check the date, since by the time I see the date I'm done reading anyway. I wish there was a way to make the date more obvious.

ANyway, I just wish the OP would update on her son. I hope he's doing well. "
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Reply #6 - 06/02/11  7:41pm
" I just joined and have a son 10 with severe anxiety, depression and sensory issues. All the stories ring a bell. The jekyll and hyde changes, wanting to die, poor self-esteem. We went without meds for many years but he was suffering and are now on a second medication. The first helped but wasn't optimal. My biggest problemis the schools. They don't get it. SOOO frustrated with the stupid school system. I provide as much positive reinforcement and feedback as I can. I also have hime in counseling ( a free program based in our town) and also at school. Some days are still really bad. "

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