What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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Hello and good day. I am a twenty year old student with ongoing and worsening depression. I have tried a number of different medications including but not limited to trazodone, prozac, lexapro, effexor and seroquel with no success. I recently have stopped using heroin which helped with my depression and pain for the past two years or so but now at the end of it, I am only worse off than before. Doctors have no idea why I could be "so depressed" especially since I am twenty years old and have normal blood work. I suffer from a number of conditions but pain and depression are my worst symptoms, with no relief from either, except when I take opiates. I burned my hand and was prescribed percocet and oxycodone instant 5mg about two months ago and during that time I was the happiest I have ever felt in years. While I was still using last semester I performed the best in college I have ever done in two years. Now, however, I cannot reasonably continue along that path for many reasons. I just cannot deal with this pain and depression anymore. The solution is so simple... but doctors keep saying that heroin use made me depressed but this is not the case. I just don not have any more patience to deal with this stigmatic culture. My pain is real and the only relief is from opiates. Constant pain equals constant suffering equals chronic depression. Its so simple... I am just ready, some days, to take the ultimate solution and cease all of my suffering. I need a doctor that is willing to help. Not stigmatize/marginalize.
Posted on 11/05/09, 04:11 pm |
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Opiates make you feel all happy because they make you high, not the high you had from heroin, just all cozy on the inside. I take meds for migraines & sometimes I can feel myself talking me into a headache so I can take a pill & feel all cozy - it's nice to feel happy & talkative & alert (so we think anyway). Life is a struggle no one denies that & we have to fight to love it. Depression meds do help, just have to find the right ones & that takes patience & a good doctor. Also a therapist to talk to - please don't give up the struggle, it will get better.
Jan 
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I do talk with a therapist. He just tells me what I already know. I already have a therapist in my head- I constantly analyze myself with my internal consciousness. I just don't want that constant need to tell myself why I should be happy. I want my brain to stop spending the majority of its effort into keeping me motivated to live. I just do not know what treatment options to seek anymore. Low grade opiates, like codeine, up to 80mg has no effect on my back pain, so I am sure that only the really potent analgesics can get me high. I just wonder how much of my depression is pain related and how much of it is my brain just shutting down and going crazy. I don't really know anymore. I've jaded myself from any wonder at such an early age, or maybe the world made me jaded. Anyways, I appreciate the support. I'm thinking about asking my doctors for a neurotransmitter metabolite panel to see if my depression is truly related to serotonin and norepi.
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Maybe you analyze to much - lucky are the few that have a natural happiness - try to just live in the present - take in the small things in life - I know, same ole, same ole, but it works. Yes constant pain can bring on depression - my husband is going in for his 5th fusion on his back - very depressing - how he manages is beyond me - that said, he can get very depressed, especially when alchol is involved (another story)
Sometimes we need to change therapists to get the right fit - have you tried this? Hang on - we are here to listen.
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I have considered seeing another therapist. If my next appointment seems dull or useless, I will tell him frankly. And yes, I do analyze. Compared to others, perhaps more so. Its one of the things that I just want to quiet but will never go away. I've never had a chance to live in the present because I am consumed by the thoughts racing around my brain. Logic is slowly eating my soul. Its hard to enjoy social gatherings if I am trying to understand why people are so happy instead of just joining in on the fun. The only way I can live in the present, and calm my inner self, is through intoxicants... Its the only thing that has worked. Which goes on to depress me even more.
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Cymbalta works as an antidepressant and also on some types of pain. Opiates shpuld on;y be used in the short term except in certain cases. The right therapist would be very helpful, so it's worth finding an another one if your current on isn't helpful.
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The ball has been batted around forever on the subject of depression. For me, it came to a last gasp try at a therapy called EMDR. You could google it. What I learned from the opening this therapy provided, is that I do not have depression, I DO depression. It is a painful, nasty shield that hides things from me that are even nastier, and more painful.
So, with help, I went behind the "shield", and confronted the nastiness; the shame. And I was able to learn that none of it was true. All the years of fighting just to stay alive and out of custody were because of a lie about me that I chose to believe. Well, I believe differently now. And, even though I am 60 years old, I have found the way out of "the hole", and will not be going back. You can have a life with no drugs at all, but you have to choose it; and you have to do the inner work. Sorry, but the only way out is through. However, if what you are doing is working for you, then keep doing it. At twenty, you have a real shot to get the healing for yourself. I hope you do.
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I also forgot to mention that I have also tried lamotrigine (Lamictal) back when I was taking Prozac. Again, it was only as decent as some sugar in tea. I know that opiates should only be used in certain cases but two years ago, during my first year of college I started to experiment with various C1 drugs. I was so depressed I did not care about school. My only goal at the time was to find relief. Instead of getting professional, medical attention, I thought drugging and being "cool" with the ravers and mainliners was the best option. Depression symptoms, however, started manifesting around my third and last years of high school. I was SUPPOSED to get Cymbalta last week but my psychiatrist, in a hurry, forgot to write the rx and could not give me 60mg samples because, "its too high of a dose to start with." Last night I was crying after watching the end of House, season five. The way he looked at the end reminded me of how I look every day in the mirror.
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Im beginning to wonder myself which med will ever work for me? I dont have a problem with opiates but i sure can see your pain and suffering. My brother was a herion addict for many years from the pain he had from lupus. He passed on a year ago from his disease. I do hope you find a med that will work for you. Sometimes i look at people who are normal and look happy and wonder if i will ever look and feel that way. Kinda gets me mad that their so darn happy! and we keep suffering from this disease called depression. Somedays you just wanna give in to it but some where deep inside you have to keep going.
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I don't have a problem with them anymore. I realize I was simply taking too much and wrong type. I was reading how as little as ten milligrams of oxycodone or eight milligrams oxymorphone was used as a successful treatment for untreatable depression. They had quite good success in terms of remission and tolerance as well. If used as indicated they are life savers. Some people just need that high daily. I simply want relief.
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retrograid - that is very interesting - about opiates in small doses working well for depression - I too need that small "high" to get going it seems - must be the reason I talk myself into a migraine so I can take a pill - a very old pill - fiorinal - can't take them every day as I would run out & when a migraine does appear - trouble - don't think I could talk my phys into perscribing anything but the "normal" depression pills though - glad to hear that you are doing better
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