Depression Support Group

My whole life is falling apart. i really do not know what to do. My husband hates me. I'm in my 2nd year of law school, I started with a FULL scholarship, but my grades dipped last semester, so I lost it. I had a chance to get it back, if I bring my grades up this semester. But the tuition is $16,000, and I could only get a loan so far for $10,000. I also have a 2 year old son.

I just feel like my husband does not support me at all, emotionally. I'm going to school full time, taking care of our son, cooking dinner every night, doing all the other work. And the house is NOT perfect, but imagine being out most of the day, making a fresh dinner, doing laundry, cleaning up after my son. At the end of the day, I'm so tired, I barely have any energy left to study anyway. On the weekend I try to plan nice things for my son to do, to take him out of the house. Today we were woing to visit my parents, and eat dinner there. My husband starts screaming at me that I'm not ALLOWED to leave, cuz the house is filthy (its not filty, messy yes, NOT dirty), and I'm NOT ALLOWED (like I'm his dog) to leave until the house is clean. So I started to clean, and said fine, when I'm done I'm leave, and he said no i can't. What kind of BS is that? I'm NOT a dog. He can give me his advice and opinion anytime, but he cannot TELL me what to do like that. I tried to explain to him that I can't just leave out 2 year old alone. He wants to play, talk to me, be with me, he's not just going to let me work uninterrupted. And you know how when you ignore children, they just make more messes.

I don't know, I'm so depressed. It's so much more than this one fight. He's never happy with me, never has been. On Monday and Tuesday, his is home, and watches our son while I go to school. And he complains about it to no end. I'm constantly missing classes, I had to drop one simply because he was complaining it was too late, and its so hard for him to watch our son. He says "i have no days off, I'm exhausted!". He has 2 days off from work, and stays with his son for 1/2 a day each day. I told him if he feels like that, then I NEVER have a day off. But I'm not complaining. And on those 2 days, the house is such a mess, the high chair will be full of food, toys everywhere, the sink full of dishes (we have a dishwasher). I just don't know what to do..I can't take it. I'm so close to having to drop out of school, and he doesn't care.

I've talked w/ him about how I don't have enough tuition money. He says that's none of his business, that I can go ask my parents. I haven't even told my parents I lost my scholarship, and besides, they don't have money or good credit to help me. My own husband is pissed that he might have to help me! His own mother was concerned, and talking w/ me about how she can maybe find the $ somewhere. And he told me that I shouldn't bother his parents with it, its not their problem either, and he doesn't care if I go to school or not. I'm going to school so that one day I can have a good job and take care of this family. Why doesn't he see that? Shouldn't he be happy?

I don't know what to do, my whole life is falling apart. I tried to make extra money, by helping his sister w/ her real estate business, answering phones, putting ads, emails, lock box numbers. That took up a lot of my free time, but only because I was hopeing that maybe I could make the money for my school on my own. Today he laughed at me for it. Said the stupid little money I made wasn't anything, that instead I should have been cleaning the house.

I mean, I really haven't made a lot. But what else could I do? I can't go get a regular job, I don't want my son to have to be in daycare. I don't have many options. I sold what I could on ebay, there's nothign else.

I'm just so depressed. What type of home is this? What kind of life is this? He says he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I just want to leave from here. Where could i go though? My own parents are old, and don't have anything. My best friend is pregnant herself, and lives w/ her pregnant sister, who is having twins, and already has one baby.

I'm so sad, I'm losing my school, my life, my husband, my home. I've tried for so long to make it work between us. I just feel like I'm the only one trying.

Last week, he was sooooo upset, cuz he was thinking he would have to close his business. He was scared, what would we do. His parents, sister, everyone else yelled at him, told him he was so stupid. I was the only one there, being there for him, comforting him, talking to him for hours. I never judged him, only tried to show him the realities, different things we could possibly do. It all worked out in the end. But do you think he appreciated me?? NO. Do you think he even thinks twice about my own dilemma w/ school?? NO. What kind of life partner is that?

I just don't know what to do. On the one hand, I don't just want to give up. On the other, I'm fed up. And I can't see living another second this life. I almost just want to end it all. If it werent' for my son...
Posted on 11/08/09, 02:11 pm