Depression Support Group

does anyone out there ever feel like a bad person becasue of this disease and like everyone else in this world is better than you and you will never measure up and feel so unworthy of anything good happening to you in your llife. i am all to familiar with this feeling and it is getting harder to deal with. i recently got some news that i had an abnormal pap smear which of course could me a ton of things and not necesarilly anything bad. however i have also suffered from and eating disorder since i was 15 and because of the damage i have inflicted upon myself i feel as though i deserve the outcome to be very very bad. i hate when i have thoughts like this. the other thing i hate is that i compare myself to everyone. for example i feel like my boyfriend would prefer me better if i looked more like meagan fox i am so ashamed that i even go out of my way to compare myself like that i hate that i cannot just accept every inch of me or for example right now we are going to a family party and my sister in laws brother will be there with his wife and she is very pretty and i am of course afraid that he would prefer i looked like that my psychologist tells me that i should feel lucky that i look the way i do and that when i start feeling like this i should tell myself i have been blessed with good looks but i hate having to say that i hate that i just can't like me i feel so ashamed of all this i want to just be at peace with who and how i am ME i feel so bad for having these selfish petty reasons when for example my family and i were watching a performance of mine where at the end we made a wish for these two 3 year old twins with cancer from the childrens make a wish foundation. now those are reasons to be down and out and have those ugly uneasy feelings when there is a big lump at the back of your throat and where you feel like ending it now would be so much better for me and those that know me. i feel so weak and disgusted with myself sorry this was so long
Posted on 07/04/09, 01:07 am