Depression Support Group

hey...Hi...I'm brand new here too...are you all right? I was just jumping off cuz I'm sooo tired, but I'll stay for a while.

Thanks for replying. It has been the same exact thing for two years now. The same problems. The same arguments with the same people. No change. I'm so stuck. There seems to be no way out of these problems. I've tried to escape physically and mentally, but of course it just makes the problem worse. Now there's regret of time lost... and lots of guilt because I can't seem to function at a reasonable level. I know what the right thing to do is but I can't act on it. Now I'm just this horrible mean person. And you can't win the time lost back. But I can't seem to change or function being stuck here, with the same people - my parents - at home... I'm being a negative force in everyone's lives. There were so many things I wanted to accomplish and do, so many things I wanted to be... now everything is circling down the drain. I'm the opposite of what and where I want to be... Two years I have rotted.

Hello and welcome to you both!

I don't know why, but many people here don't seem to go to the crisis section and check it out (much).

Most people are probably asleep at the moment... And time differences can make things difficult.

If you are wanting to introduce yourselves, join in etc - do so on the open/general forum.

Welcome to DS.

xo

I have had such grand plans in my life and everything was right until just a few years ago... when I made a big commitment and it was wrong. Now one thing after another, things just snowball to become this mess of a life.

I'm a horrible person now. Every little thing ticks me off... I'm not kind or considerate of anybody. I've tried to escape. I sleep a lot. I watch a lot of TV. I've become addicted to football. My head is the only place where I feel comfortable. Reality has become such a disappointment - more accurately, I have become such a disappointment. I really know how I should act. I know what the right things are... it is increasingly difficult just not being able to act on it. There is so much guilt and shame and embarrassment. I feel like I just need a break, to leave... and change and then maybe comeback... but that is not a feasible option.

I've worked so hard all my life towards something and now because of all of this... it's all going down the drain. Increasingly there is fewer opportunities and time.

I don't know how to get out of this or fix this...

And I feel venting more and more to the people around me will just add to the negativity I am giving off. My parents already don't understand that I need space. Every time I try to talk to them about that it becomes a discussion about something else. They don't understand that I can't function anymore at home. I don't even know why myself... I Why can't I function properly? I can't focus. I know I should help my aging parents around the house. It is the right thing to do yet I can't act on it. I know I should wake up earlier to get things done but I just can't do it. I just feel so unable, incapable of acting... of doing anything here. Them aging makes me so sad but at the same time I resent all the help they need with everything. They also don't speak much English which makes things even more difficult. But I just need to leave. But in order to leave I need to act/function... I don't understand what is wrong with me. There is so much guilt about being home and not being the happy/helpful person I should be. There is guilt about not achieving the things I set out to achieve. Being a disappointment to myself and others. Facing consequence and disappointment... I don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION ANYMORE.

Well if you have depression it can be hard to want to do anything.Small steps sometimes.You want to leave home? I sleep a lot.I just keep telling myself small steps.I do one thing in the house then if I can the next and so on.Sometimes I don t.If I put too much pressure on myself it all goes wrong.Does any of your family help with your parents?