What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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Sick & Tired
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It is really annoying how upset I can get at myself and how down I can get. Last night I got upset and cried in my car as I drove home after visiting my mom while she was babysitting my niece.
1) I got so upset after my mom's dog (the family dog) snapped at me. - Like I was rejected and felt really hurt when really I was just trying to get the dog's goobers out of his eyes and he snapped at me because he didn't like it. It's not like it's the first time he's done snapped and it's not just at me. 2) I couldn't handle my mom with her obsession with her food. All throughout dinner she kept going on about how good the food tasted. It's like, okay once is fine. But several times - It just reminds me of my issues of food and how her actions modeled to me as a child how I should eat and how my relationship with food should be. I am now an adult and have to take responsbilities for my actions. Which means how I view food and how I eat. I realize I have to take responsbilities but it is such a struggle to be around her when it comes to eating. Since I've grown up with an obsession of food and developed an eating disorder...I have been in counseling and a partial hospital program to help myself with my eating & self-image issues. Her house is full of food - more than should be for one person living there. She makes excuses and it's her life she can do what she wants. I just struggle to be around her, see her and all she does is make plans around eating and food. I dread being around her for Thanksgiving. She knows I'm swimming 5-6 days a week and trying to lose weight and be healthy - yet she'll pack me KitKat bars and left overs (nothing I can just drop off at a food pantry on my way home.) Ugh. 3) I got so upset and anxious when my little niece started to cry - not just a fussy cry but a you can hear her quiver she was so upset. She was having a lot of internal gas and was very uncomfortable. She started to cry in my fiance/my arms and then we passed her off to my mom. She kept screaming and crying and I felt horrible. I ended up going over and sitting with the dog as she cried and screamed. All I could think in my head was "I'll never be a good mother. I can't calm her down or just let her cry for a few minutes. I feel horrible if she's crying or fussing. Like I wouldn't be able to sit back and let her fuss for a few mintues while I get her bottle or something. I've become aware I get really uncomfortable around crying/screaming/yelling/arguments. I feel like I would just be too anxious or upset to handle taking care of a baby - when I struggle to just get up and get on with my day. I'm 25, I'll be married when I'm 27. Then I will only have a few years to have a child. I know I have some time before I have a child but these are things I worry about for my future. I want to be a good wife and mother - and it scares me that my depression will stand in the way. Any thoughts/comments? Posted on 11/08/09, 11:11 pm |
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I've never had children, but I've heard again and again that things change when you have one, and you become a better parent than you thought you could be. 
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when you first hold YOUR child in your arms, it will all become clear, you wont worry about what you dont know because the love you will feel will make you understand there is nothing you wont learn to keep that baby safe.
:) you will be a great Mom, just the fact that you worry about it now proves that !
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you have several yrs to have a child. in my opinion, its smarter to wait awhile, the marriage newness is gone, and hopefully it becomes stable and good, and then the couple has a chance to know each other better too. time to have time to themselves, take a few trips, have fun, and plan ahead. when you have a kid, things will change and you wont have the same amount of time as when you were just a couple.
if you marry at 27, even waiting 4 yrs puts you at only 31, thats hardly old or near the edge of the biological clock. not to be negative, but how many marriages have you seen that split after a couple yrs, and already have a child, and then its harder on all involved. waiting till you both are ready, till you are in a financial position to handle the extra expense. its just smart and mature thinking. also sorting out the issues regarding your stress and anxiety is what you should be focusing on now. nerves and anxiety can make ones patience cease to be. where everything seems to much. if you havent seen a doc or counselor, try that road. research other options on helping yourself, with relaxation techniques, or maybe trying holistic methods to reduce these feelings. dont worry about the the things the other night. its just because of your emotional state. being on edge can make one cry if the light doesnt turn green ontime..i mean anything seems to prompt the tears. look forward to what you have ahead, and dont be hard on yourself, or doubt your abilities. being kind and a loving person is the best one can be and im sure you will be a fine mom when the time comes. good luck to you both.
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Like 1sickofit said, the fact that you're worrying about this is a good sign. I'm pregnant now. My husband and I waited about 5 years (I was 29 when we got married and am 34 now). I feel that it was very beneficial to wait. It will give you some time to plan on how you want to tackle your depression.
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