Depression Support Group

I know what you mean, I have to talk to my abuser regularly and it nearly kills me each time, when I see him I come away in the same state as when he hurt me. Like you say I smile and pretend but it still hurts. I understand.
Do you really have to go see him? couldn't you say you were busy with friends?
thinking of you, you know where i am
loves to you
xxxxxx

the only way i was free from mine was through death i hated seing him hug my boys

That's so hard, I'm sorry you have to go through that! Is there anyone around at the holiday that does know what happened besides you and him? If not would it help to bring a supportive person with you? Also I think you should be ok with leaving the function if you need to. Or could you just make up an excuse and not go at all? It's exhausting and could be traumatizing to have to try and pretend about that. I think in that situation taking care of yourself is what's important.

My advice is do not hug anyone who has abused you. AVOID contact at all costs until you can expose him for the creep he is. That's just me and i'm pretty anti-social. Good luck to you!

cast him out hun, you don't have to do a thing you don't want to do... don't allow him to be smug in all of this.. please... i don't know all the details of this but i can't stand the thoughts of your being near someone like this!! reject this person.. refuse to be a part of anything he is a part of...

there has to be a way to end any control he has over you... please find the way to do this. then you can start to heal.. all my love and support i send to you... as always you are in my thoughts, xxxxxx

ohmigosh

My immediate feeling is to tell you to confront him right there ...in front of people even. -- But of course, a thing such as that, is far easier said than done.

The best (IMO) thing that you could do would be to forgive him out loud for his heinous actions of the past. It will make him feel like utter crap...although initially it may not make you feel great....the lifting of that burden will ultimately make you feel lighter, and allow you to drop that heavy load you carry everywhere.

I feel for you, and the whole "acting like family is to be loved" thing. But, I'm here to say, that tie is not unbreakable. Lots of people have broken ties with certain family members in order to enhance their own mental well being. It's allowed!

May the coming days bring you more peace~

Okay...this is me trying to understand; not me ragging on you. Why do you have to submit to him and his smugness? Will you be put out on the street if you don't? I understand that you don't have the financial independence you want, but do you really have to submit to this waste of air and pretend that it's all just fine?

As for those who think that being family means you love each other no matter what...how ignorant.

I'm with wittsend. Don't let this piece of **** touch you. Find any way, any excuse, whatever you have to do. You are no longer a child; you have rights. One of which is to refuse to hug someone you don't want to hug. If others want to think something of it, oh well, too bad so sad for them.

Sorry, I'm a fighter. I've had my share of abuse. I'd rather be scrounging along than trying to put up a front, or pretending everything is fine.

I don't know...I guess I just don't get who this person is that you can't confront him and tell him to go amuse himself with a flagpole. Or at least, stay away from him.

Guess I just need some clarification on this.

My cousin Janice was abused by her father her whole life. I do mean rape. The whole family knew what was going on, including her mother. For some reason they chose not to do anything about it. Let's not make a scene. Mind your own business. There's nothing that we can do. They might never speak to us again.
Now she is grown with 3 daughters of her own. She's anorexic, uses drugs and lies everytime she opens her mouth. She can't even keep a job. Recently at my grandmother's funeral, I watched how people treat her. How they laugh at her and say mean things to her. I got into a fight with my mom and my brother because of the awful things they said about her. Treat her like shit but make nice with the monsters that made her this way. WTF??? I won't do it. I refuse to pretend that I like/love those horrible people.

Abuse thrives on silence. I will not be silent.

This has to be a difficult situation at best...I wish you well..xx

Hey girl, I don't even know you're whole story, but I can say this: THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF OBLIGATION THAT MAKES IT OK FOR YOUR ABUSER TO BE NEAR YOU. If it pisses family off, screw them. If it makes a scene, screw it. You take care of YOU and stay away from this sonofabitch.