What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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i can't manage
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most days, i walk around in a fog - doing just the bare minimum for my job. i wait for night time so i can get into bed - i'm just so relieved that the day is over and i made it through another day. i never really thought i would kill myself, but i often think about how much easier it would be - but i couldn't do that to the people who love me.
but the past few days, the pain and fear is so much - i punch myself in the head when i get so frustrated and so scared. i force myself to eat because i'm afraid my body will give up. i try everything the therapist tells me to do - and i'm getting worse, not better. how do you live when you hate yourself so much? some days, i feel like i'm waiting for the people who love me to die so i can go too... i want to scream and yell, tell everyone how much pain i'm in. YES, i want the world to know, yes people have lived through much worse than me. but my pain is my pain, and i don't have the ability to cope with this pain. i wish the pain would end. it hurts so much today - it just hurts so much i can't manage it... please, someone, just help me. just reach out to me and tell me you understand... Posted on 11/05/09, 09:11 am |
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I understand, I really do and I know how it feels when everyday is a struggle.
I just keep reminding myself of the positive things, maybe there's something you'll enjoy in the day, something you're looking forward to? Keep reminding yourself of that. I'm desperate to go to the highest point I know and tell everyone how much I hurt and how much pain I'm in, but I've refrained from that, for the moment... I'm here if you need someone 
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thank you for you reply. i'm just having such a hare time right now.
somebody, please - let me know i'm not alone today...
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I feel you hon.. I have felt this way plenty of times in all my years..
I find it a shame that we are so hard on ourselves caused some by our low self-esteem.. You need to take a second look at all your good qualities and focus on those.. And please dont tell me you dont have any as I have seen your posts and realize you have a big and open heart.. That is a very fine quality.. I hate to see you put yourself down so badly.. I can see the pain.. I know it hurts.. But you and only you can take the steps to help fix you.. Baby steps honey.. If you dont work on it then you will live like this for the rest of your life and that is not a good way to live.. I hope you can find away to learn to like yourself more.. Its a hard process but very well worth doing.. Good luck
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thank you beat so much for you kind words. you've always given me such support, so i see your heart as well. on most days, i manage to keep it together, despite the pain. today just seems so overwhelming and i feel like i'm falling apart...
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I have been exactly where you are except the hating myself part. Why do you hate yourself so much? Depression SUCK but it is treatable & maybe some new meds might make you feel better.
Hugs
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