What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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Stepping off of the roller coasiter...
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Depression is something that I've had to deal with my entire life. I mean, I remember being depressed at five years old. I didn't know what it was although I definitely could feel it and I knew that it wasn't "normal". Flash forward thirty years, I'm still experiencing the same hollow feeling and sadness that has always been my constant companion. I've tried changing my life around and I had been successful for a good amount of time. I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic or at least I had clean. I got involved with this guy who's a heroin addict (he was clean when we first met) and I dumped him after trying to help him get clean after he relapsed. I'm back with him now. Little by little, my pre-rehab behavior is surfacing. I'm beginning to use. It's now a vicious cycle. I'm trying to get clean although the depression is overshadowing my efforts. It has gathered momentum. Are there any recovering addicts out there that have been able to break the cycle for good? How did you get off the roller coaster successfully?
Posted on 11/04/09, 10:11 pm |
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i am sure if you went into rehab you were told that you have to change your people and ,places that you used to go to.i can't tell you what to do but i can suggest for you to get a sponsor and work the steps of recovery...
relapse is a decision you make before you pick up and use again..try and think about when you hit your "bottom" and how horrible it was..maybe that will help you. also get yourself to a meeting and share what you have shared here tonight.. good luck to you 
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Hi Aiseirigh, I'm in recovery but I don't know that I've broken the cycle for good. I take as they say "day by day". It's going to be hard to get sober with your boyfriend still using. Does he want to get sober too? Do you have meetings that you attend, and a sponsor? I know the depression part is hard, I know I felt different throughout my life and also remember being depressed as a child. I think that's common for those of us who are addicts/alcoholics, we've all felt different but that's part of what makes it great when we find each other in meetings it's like we meet others who've felt the same things. I guess my advice would be get to some meetings, get a sponsor. Not original I know, but the only thing I know that works.
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The funny (ie..horrible thing) is that I met this guy in AA. I've tried changing my life around in so many ways although the addict in me is waiting for any excuse to use. Regarding this guy, I've given up a lot of good and promising things in my life to be with him. Opportunities and people that meant a great deal to me. You're right though. I need to focus on how bad my bottom was...it was baddd. I also knew on some level that I was going to relapse. I've been telling myself that drinking and taking pills isn't THAT bad. I mean, I'm not shooting up right? That's totally sick thinking of course. The depression was setting in back then & I felt like I couldn't do anything about it really. The positive thing is that I'm on here and still able to think clearly enough. I just feel the darkness that I can't come back from is creeping up on me & I'm scared as hell. Right now, I'm up and down. I know it's the pills that are causing my mood swings. It's still tough though. So tough.
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Chelle..the thing that's so hard is that my bf says he wants to get clean..cries..makes me believe him..although I can tell that he's not going to stop. I think his bottom is death. He has already gone to prison for five years and yet, that didn't scare him. I just need to leave him again. I'm getting increasingly sick by the day. I work in the medical field and my mind is beginning to go to places that I thought no longer existed in my head. I did have a sponsor. I'm embarrassed to talk to her again. I lied to her and told her that I had ended my relationship with my bf. Horrible. My dishonesty isn't helping with the depression of course...it's making it hard for me to not see myself even as a semi-decent person.
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hey there...
man, first and formost, you gotta' get away from his influence, and get yourself clean. if he's heading to the bottom, then you gotta' get yourself far away. good luck okay!
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how do you get off the rollercoaster? get away from that guy.
thats the first and most important step. you probably know that yourself. work out a plan and move. you certainly dont want to be in this same boat a year from now. best wishes
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My depression is coming in "waves" which is harder to control. I know it's the pills. I'm kicking today since it's not going to be a surprise where I end up if I don't put a stop to this now. I know that I need to end my relationship with my bf too. He's not a bad guy...he's just sick. It's a double edge sword though. If I end it with him, my depression is going to become much more intense and real. I know it's necessary though as hard as it is going to be for a while. I feel like he understands me, my depression, and my flaws. I recently tried to let someone else in my life that I trusted completely and my depression started to lift a bit. It was a mistake. I know that I need to cut out anyone in my life that is going to hurt me and move on..it's easier said than done. I realize that it has to happen though.
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