What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....

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ENABLING vs TOUGH LOVE
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Certainly there are times that someone may just need a simple hug and a few kind words, and this post is not in reference to those situations.
For many of us, DS has been a place that has provided positive ideas, support, and change. There are however, some people that seem to thrive upon pity. When we continue to enable these self destructive behaviors, we are only validating that persons' desire to hide from their real life issues. I hope for the emotional health of these people, that they someday will be willing and able to confront their depression and anxiety, by making positive steps in real life. We all know that positive change cannot truly be achieved, if we don't begin to take control of our issues. The most difficult steps, are often the most helpful in the long run. Drugs, therapy, counseling, the internet, etc.....should never be expected to be the sole solution, and certainly should not take the place of hard work, determination, and social interaction. I hope that for for everyone's own emotional stability, that we might begin to realize that sometimes the only answers from those that are truly trying to offer support, will be honest, tough, non-enabling, non-validating, and simple answers. I don't think that there are many of us that are here to disrespect others Unfortunately there are some that because they may not care for the advice or opinions offered, tend to manipulate or ignore those words of support......again, attempting to gain validation. Thank you to all of those that are not afraid to be completely honest. It can certainly be frustrating to offer sincerity and "tough-love" advice, only to have it twisted, ignored, or thrown back in your face. Just an opinion. I absolutely hope that everyone here finds success in treating their depression. I know that we all have needs, and this post is not meant to belittle or trivialize anyone's issues. Posted on 07/04/09, 12:07 am |
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"Support" is very subjective. One person's idea of support may not be the same as another. You are saying here that you feel "answers from those that are truly trying to offer support, will be honest, tough, non-enabling, non-validating, and simple answers."
Respect and accept your opinion. Now are you able to respect & accept that I disagree with you? Are you willing to respect & accept that my ideas of offering support here differ from yours? For the record, I do not believe nor practice tough love. Peace be with you.
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Jazz..... Your comments are correct.... But when disagreeing with suggestions....... many people lash out...... could be part of the problem is they are bipolar.......
I don't believe you in that support is subjective.... support is support..... the person posts in one of the forums for support ..... it's either taken or not. I only use tough love when it is necessary..... you need to get to know the person first.... using tough love from the start can do more harm then good if not careful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :) Blessed be
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Alot of awesome replies to Anthony's awesome post!!!!
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I am on the middle line with this, I think both are appropriate depending on the situation. Certainly, some need tough love, but sometimes a gentle hug or words of encouragement doesn't hurt either.
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I find people like earwax. Fiddle and push too much and they withdraw further. It's about balance, honesty and communication. There's no point doing guess work then applying tough love and risking your friendship. It isn't black and white basically. People have given me 'tough love' at the most innapropriate times and it's really damaged my friendships.
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Im kind of on the fence here too. Anyone that knows me will know that im honest but in a diplomatic way. I find tough love a bit... well... tough when dealing with some people on here. Some of the 'more insecure' people do need constant love and hugs and whilst its quite tempting to say 'for gods sake take the advice and try to find a way forward' we all know that with some here its just not gonna happen (and i mean this in the nicest possible way.) Great post as always Anthony xxx
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it all depends on the person. i have seen so called " tough love' used on here and it has almost drove someone off the edge... in this case i am against it!! love to me is always the best way to go, if possible... at the moment i don't have much love for even my own self.. i will be better 2morr so nothing to worry about.... there are those here in deep need and to dump tough love on them would not be from me... i understand the concept of this post and it is very valuable.... each circumstance is different..... let your heart rule in each case... there is no across the line way to deal with everyone here and their problems....
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Great post!
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if someone is not rying at all then maybe they need tough love
for eg somebody who never takes on bit of plain respnsibilty for ones actions however tough love should be used in the wrong situations I think it can be very upseting for someone if it is used incorrecty some poeple lack pateince and do not have an undesttanding of the some peoples personal stuggles
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i have a problem telling you like it is, i am compassionate, but i will not tell you to what you want to here i will tell you what you need to here, i do come across harsh, at times but it is out of love, if you are in a abusive relationship song to tell you to get out not to wait for him/her to get help that is just me
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