What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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ENABLING vs TOUGH LOVE
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Certainly there are times that someone may just need a simple hug and a few kind words, and this post is not in reference to those situations.
For many of us, DS has been a place that has provided positive ideas, support, and change. There are however, some people that seem to thrive upon pity. When we continue to enable these self destructive behaviors, we are only validating that persons' desire to hide from their real life issues. I hope for the emotional health of these people, that they someday will be willing and able to confront their depression and anxiety, by making positive steps in real life. We all know that positive change cannot truly be achieved, if we don't begin to take control of our issues. The most difficult steps, are often the most helpful in the long run. Drugs, therapy, counseling, the internet, etc.....should never be expected to be the sole solution, and certainly should not take the place of hard work, determination, and social interaction. I hope that for for everyone's own emotional stability, that we might begin to realize that sometimes the only answers from those that are truly trying to offer support, will be honest, tough, non-enabling, non-validating, and simple answers. I don't think that there are many of us that are here to disrespect others Unfortunately there are some that because they may not care for the advice or opinions offered, tend to manipulate or ignore those words of support......again, attempting to gain validation. Thank you to all of those that are not afraid to be completely honest. It can certainly be frustrating to offer sincerity and "tough-love" advice, only to have it twisted, ignored, or thrown back in your face. Just an opinion. I absolutely hope that everyone here finds success in treating their depression. I know that we all have needs, and this post is not meant to belittle or trivialize anyone's issues. Posted on 07/04/09, 12:07 am |
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tough love should be taught at home when kids are young.
is it better to teach a child the realities of life, such as work, chores and responsibilities, or is it okay to do everything for them so they spend their lives not being able to think or do for themselves? How are they better served? That is the difference between tough love and enabling. I know your talking about adults on this site and when someone post an issue over and over again and not taking advice. what hell do you do? tough love all the way. 
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It seems that a lot of people here are afraid to let someone find their own strengths...what are all of you protecting them from? Themselves? Or are you afraid that when they DO find the strength to rise above their illness, and learn to deal with life on life's terms, they won't need you anymore?
You can't wrap people up in soft blankets and spoon feed them. That's not REALLY keeping them safe...that's just prolonging the agony. The only way through fear, and pain...is THROUGH it. And then out of it. As for those here who don't or won't heed advice given to them again and again...there comes a time when you have to leave them to it and let them find their own way. Sometimes one has to hit a bottom before they can come back up. Harsh? Well yeah. But how harsh is it to keep feeding the need for attention they obviously have, to continue to run to them whenever they cry, only to have your "help" rebuffed and a tantrum thrown as soon as someone says something they don't want to hear, and in the meantime, their situation remains stagnant? It comes down to which is really harsher....showing someone how to deal with life, or sheltering them from it. You can say that we've all suffered enough...but the suffering won't end as long as it remains the basis on which we build our lives; as long as we continue to make it the focal point. And I see an awful lot of that here. None of us can ever forget what we suffered. But we CAN eventually learn to turn it to our advantage, even if it's just to be able to help someone else through something similar.
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deekay I really have to agree with you. Honesty is the best policy. But it doesn't mean that I am hateful or uncaring I just know that it doesn't get you anywhere to blanket rap and spoon feed for ever.
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Jazz- Yes....I absolutely respect and accept that your your ideas differ from mine, and that you disagree with me. I never expected everyone to agree.
I also mentioned that tough love is not always the answer, but rather "sometimes"....and that this was only my opinion. And in reference to your other post.....I have never personally supported anyone by being "hateful, or by "bashing". That would certainly be contradictory to the theory of support in general. Respect and peace to you as well.
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hmmm
www.m-w.com Main Entry: support group Function: noun Date: 1969 : a group of people with common experiences and concerns who provide emotional and moral support for one another since this definition can be interpreted in a variety of was i would have to say that the real proof in the pudding would be the final outcome of said support. also, since i dont walk with any of the folks that are on this board nor am i their psychiatric guide, i cant truly know if they are changing or not. i also dont feel comfortable putting my timetable on someone else's metamorphosis. What might seem like a very small change to me may be a monumental one for the other person. As stated before, each of us have our way of asking for, giving and receiving support cuz we are all different people. i guess that if someone says that our advice was either not helpful or hurtful to them then we, as the giver, should accept it and move on. just my opinion and a rambling one to boot. Pronunciation: \sə-ˈpȯrt\ Function: transitive verb Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French supporter, from Late Latin supportare, from Latin, to transport, from sub- + portare to carry — more at fare Date: 14th century 1: to endure bravely or quietly : bear2 a (1): to promote the interests or cause of (2): to uphold or defend as valid or right : advocate (3): to argue or vote for b (1): assist, help (2): to act with (a star actor) (3): to bid in bridge so as to show support for c: to provide with substantiation : corroborate 3 a: to pay the costs of : maintain b: to provide a basis for the existence or subsistence of 4 a: to hold up or serve as a foundation or prop for b: to maintain (a price) at a desired level by purchases or loans ; also : to maintain the price of by purchases or loans5: to keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage : comfort6: to keep (something) going — sup·port·abil·i·ty Listen to the pronunciation of supportability \sə-ˌpȯr-tə-ˈbi-lə-tē\ noun — sup·port·able Listen to the pronunciation of supportable \-ˈpȯr-tə-bəl\ adjective — sup·port·ive Listen to the pronunciation of supportive \-ˈpȯr-tiv\ adjective — sup·port·ive·ness Listen to the pronunciation of supportiveness \-nəs\ noun
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