What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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Talking it out
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I've just read the post on how you percieve your depression which was helpful as i often question if my depression is chemical or genetic (my mother and grandfather had it)or whether it is in my nature and i am suseptible to depression because of my sensitivity and fear of abandonment which came from when i was a child and mum was away for months at a time being treated for depression.
I am wondeing if anyone feels it helps them to talk about their depressive episodes with their partners as i feel that it will only be worthwhile if i have an episode as its so hard to explain and my partner won't know what i am talking about until (god forbid) he see's how i am with his own eyes when i'm depressed. We've known one another for 9 months and have been together for 4 months and he is very supportive when i have mentioned my illness but has made comments that i shouldn't need to take medication if we are together as he will keep me happy! I know talking is good but i find it so hard to say how i feel about this debilitating illness that we live with. Blessings Vee :) Posted on 02/17/09, 11:02 am |
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In my opinion no one can know what it's like to suffer from depression until they have suffered from it. Your boyfriend seems to be under the illusion that it is something that we can completely control and that he can be your "medication". You need to explain things to him to make him understand. If you have a Therapist or PDoc or Counselor ask for their help in making him understand.
If you continue to let him think he can take care of your depression it is going to do nothing but lead to trouble down the road for your relationship, in my opinion. I hope things work out for you. 
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The learning curve is rather steep for a new partner in your life...to grasp even the concept of that which you suffer. If they can ever learn the concept that behavior is largely out of your control, from time to time, then they have the very beginning of understanding.
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I don't find talking about my depression helps when I speak about it with my husband. In fact if anything it can make him feel depressed, frustrated and unhappy, because he wants to "fix" me, and I am not broken; I'm just running on empty.
Actually I have found that I really can only talk to people who can offer constructive advice, such as my therapist or a support group. Speaking with strangers objectively is better than talking to someone who is emotionally attached to you. More often than not, I have found that talking about this state with people who are emotionally attached ends up in accusation, anger, rejection, misunderstanding, impatience and frustration. Family members and friends say, "Just snap out of it! Hey, get a life! Would you just knock it off?!" All of these things are said in their helpless at a depressed person's helpless situation, which only makes it worse. So I simply avoid people I am close to when I am overcome.
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As women we're told a lot that husbands and boyfriends go into Mr. Fix-it mode when we tell them about things that are broken. Knowing that there's something that is wrong that they can't stop or fix is about on the same level as going furniture shopping (torturous). Although if they don't have an emotional stake in the issue I think its easier, like a support group buddy that's a guy.
Not wanting to talk about it because they don't know what to do is hard on us because we solve our problems through takling about them, but I'd be more worried about the response that vivi25 got. It's been another 4 months how is that going? He's going to eventually see the less controlled side and he won't be able to compensate. I hope all of you are doing better.
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I agree with the other posts. It's very difficult for someone to understand depression and it's harder yet to explain it. I dealt with depression for years and didn't know what it was.
People can say they understand, that they can and will help but, they really don't have a clue. the best your boyfriend can do is be supportive of what you need to do to get through this whether it be with meds. counseling or whatever.
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Honestly talking to people that don't understand never helped me. Therapy has been helpful. But I just joined here yesterday and I have been able to talk about so much it really has helped. I suffer from long term depression and understand. If you need someone to talk with I am here.
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It IS hard...explaining it.
I hear you, wish I could help more. {{{{hugs}}}}
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Hi, thnaks for reminding me about this post. Ironically i had a dream about being depressed last night which i journaled about so perhaps my hp is trying to speak to me?
I believe my partner has come to understand me a lot better since i posted the above. He wouldn't dream of making a flippant statement like that now and he is very supportive of me taking the meds. I asked him why he had said that he could be my medicine and he was shocked he had said it as he said that being a chemist he knows how important it is to take the right meds. He will ask me now if i have taken my pills if i fall asleep and he hasn't seen me take them which makes me feel cared for. I know he says things now without thinking and with this knowledge i would know to repeat back to him what he said to show him how inappropriate this comment was and he would agree. Sometimes i have to be more blunt and say whats on my mind instead of letting things go and then worrying about them when they could be cleared up and made sense of there and then. How are you all doing? It would be great to hear how you are handling things as this is what makes us understood and thus stronger. Blessings and joy to you all. Vee
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"but has made comments that i shouldn't need to take medication if we are together as he will keep me happy!"
I basically agree with all the previous replies, but this stood out to me. As noble as it is, it is a huge and mistaken notion. IN MY OPINION, if you go off medication, maintaining a good relationship is severely compromised. Big mistake. Since you are somewhat new to ds, here are some things you may find helpful: http://www.dailystrength.org/group... http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Mem...
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