Depression Support Group

Hi All

The short story is feeling suicidal

OK heres the long story

Abdominal pain for last

Tried to get help 7th to 9th weekend for stronger pain killers from NHS 24 out of hours service including getting more mentally worse

Ended up seeing the doc on the 10th November due to the pain level going up over the weekend, where doctor wanted me admitted into hospital not over enthused but was sold on the thought of getting pain under control.

Had a rotten week in hospital.

1. ended up with birthday in hospital
2. only night they had the pain under control was the first night. At one point I was made to feel like a drug addict for asking for pain killers.
3. they did'nt find any thing wrong with ct scan/ultrasound so nothing we can do for you.
4. ended up admitting I was suicidal to the nursing staff (who were really cool about it and really conserned)
4a. spoken to one of the nightshift house doctors about the pain for which he was not willing to do anything about it, and was also getting visions of myself 10 years in the future in pain on the setee followed by 4 options for do ing some thing (not going to go into details in case I give anyone thoughts)
5. Saw one of the on call pycologist's who understood what I was saying and offered me a stay in a psychiatric wards to get myself stable and sort medication out, and was due to come back and see me after the pain clinic had seen me.
6. saw an other pycologist in the hospital told him I was still feeling suicidal and would like a couple of days in psyc ward to sort my head out some where safe. and was told I can't get you admitted just because your suicidal if you want to take you life I can stop you from doing that as it's not ilegal.
7. pain team nurse saw me and left me on the meds I was on the very one's that were giving me 3 to 4 hours sleep a night
8. ended up speaking to the psyc ward with out giving my name just wanted to thank the phsycologist that had help me the fist time and eventually the nurse managed to get my details out of me, I agreed to go to minor injories clinic say the triage nurse who told me she could'nt help me walked out in tears.
9. tried going to the ward directly and got turned away from there.
10. tried nhs 24 (out of hours service) explained I was suicidal and ready to end it took them over an hour to get someone to call me back my which time I had fallen a sleep (might have been a good thing as a chance to escape from the scary thoughts) and missed the call back
11. ended up having to go back to the hospital to get medication and discharge letter (had to be redone) took so long to do I missed the doctors appointment by 11 mins and would not be seen (they knew I was wanting to see doctor due to being suicidal)
12. was now at point of getting ready to pop pills out of packets and as a last gasp effort called out an ambulance as last gasp effort they came out and would not take me in. As I did'nt have any drink issue and only had medication in the house to overdose on.
13. got a call from the gp in the next 30 mins to see how I'm feeling whats the betting he is not going to do anything for me.

I feel like I'm at the end of my teather and don't see any reason to go on at the moment if the gp can't sort anything out i'm really scared as to what Im going to do. I feel really let down by the NHS with regard to the NHS

The only time I get peace from my distressing thought is when a sleep and for a time after waking up
Posted on 11/19/08, 12:11 pm