Depression Support Group

I had to learn that forgiving is different than saying "it's okay that you did this or that" For me, the forgiveness came when I was too tired of letting the anger and pain control my life and fuel the fire, so-to-speak. There came a day when it no longer fueled anything except for tears and more pain.

For me, forgiving was believing and accepting "this happened to me, it was truly fu**ed up and I will never agree or condone it, but I will also never let it destroy me again, I will live my life for me and foster only the feelings that I bring into my life"

I forgave, but in no ways forgot; in no ways do I think anything that happened to me is "okay" or "agreeable". They are things that do not need to be thought about, but I also don't feel the need to dredge in my self-pity and anger anymore.

Forgiveness gave me the ability to move on and be happy, let my goals and aspirations fuel my fire- instead of my hatred and anger. Forgiveness for me was acceptance that it was not my fault, and that I, in no way-shape-or form, deserved what happened to me. Forgiveness for me was to healthily ban thoughts, feelings, and contact with the people that I felt the need to forgive. Forgiveness for me gave me the ability to not be defined by what happened to me, anymore.

These are just my thoughts and experiences, but I think forgiving is an awesome attribute to have. It is empowering in ways that I did not & could not have imagined.

I have found with patience, karma works much better and achieves more revenge than I ever could.

awwww college, you have such a nice way of saying things.

Well said College...thanks for sharing that.

Like was said before, I think it's more a case of acceptance than forgiveness.

not going to forgive and wil never acept, what happened was wrong, evil and bad, if u want a religous perspevtive then vegenance is mine said the lord and none of the crappy augustine rubbish that came in the 5th century

Yes to CollegeMomOf2! I've been trying to work out the words for that.

I think many of us equate forgiving a person with them apologizing. It is clear that there are cases where an apology will never come. If the lack of an apology makes us bitter and resentful, then the person who did us wrong wins a little more each and every day we are bitter/angry.

The best advice I have seen here focuses around the concept of controlling what we can, and not wasting our sanity trying to control what we can not!

So the steps appear to be:

1) Accept that we have been hurt!

2) Inform those who have hurt us of the fact. Don't expect an immediate acknowledgment or apology. And don't badger them until they do.

3) Work out if we were, or were not, contributing to the hurt. Again, this is not admitting that we were wrong, it is just soul searching!

4) If the situation may occur again, find ways to avoid, minimize, or otherwise protect ourselves against repeated harm.

5) If we feel truly harmed, appeal to "the rule makers" for remedy.

So it is clear to me that the "offender" is not going to even acknowledge that they have done something that others find wrong, nor will they apologize. Time to accept and move on.

And protect from future harmful events.

I guess you have a point there gothic.

I guess you have a point there gothic.

but pepperman we are the rule makers, that is where we can take power