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Discussion:
Apparently, I am "chunky"!
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It's Mothering Sunday, and I have recently lost 13 lb then gained 8 lb after my oldest son was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I eat or I starve when I am anxious. My Mother-in-law said, during dinner at my house today, that I am "chunky". In front of 11 people!!! Now I believe I am more rotund than chunky, as chunky suggests sharp edges. I was anorexic to the point that I have damaged my eye sight, and she knows this! So after agreeing to entertain 11 people for Mothering Sunday, she repays me by alluding to my size. My sons and my husband have been so amazing today, but now all I can think of is how fat I am. I even had a massive breakthrough with my own Mother!! Why did THIS have to happen?!!
Posted on 03/10/13, 02:59 pm
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Reply #21 - 03/11/13  1:42am
" Wow..what a bitch ! Next time you see her, you should ask her if she's
tired , because she's looking really old. "
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Reply #22 - 03/11/13  1:47am
" yeah seriously BonTemps, LOL "
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Reply #23 - 03/11/13  8:40am
" Your mother in law sounds like a bitch. Well, maybe not really a bitch but one of those people who do not think before they say something. My mother is that way. She was always telling my daughter how big she was and how she needed to lose weight. One day my daughter told her she had a lot of room to be talking, that it was like the pot calling the kettle black.

Did I punish my daughter....no. Do I love my mother...very much. But sometimes people just say the first thing that comes to their mind without thinking. It just blurts out. Usually because they have nothing better to say or are trying too hard to keep conversation going. Yeah, like the conversation that should be spoken during your Mother's Day dinner should be how "chunky" you are.

I am sorry your Mother's Day was messed up. I respect you very much as a mother with all the illness your children have. You deserved a very special day to be treated like a queen. "
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Reply #24 - 03/11/13  9:56am
" Hi! Juice; My exmother inlaw told me the same thing before I married my ex, I was 23 yrs. old at the time, 5' 10'' 195#, I was a farmer-rancher, I didn't have rock hard abs but I was in good shape. I can't drink plain white milk, I can't get it down, so I always added some chocolate syrup, my ex said that's why you are so fat,my ex laughed
about it that's when I should have turned and run like hell, I wasn't even engaged to my ex then. When people put you down and make very hurtful remarks like that, they are insecure themselves. When anyone tells you about your faults in front of other people like that, It's just a cruel way for them to feel better about themselves, they are just stupid, selfcentered. If she thought you had a problem with what ever she should have talk to you alone and in a loving manner to find out if you had aproblem or something else was bothering you. I hate it when you have family gatherings and when you leave some give you hugs and tell you they love you because they are just blowing smoke up your ass, some don't mean anything, they just putting on a good show for others to see. I never read very much ever but one book I read was, WHEN FOOD IS LOVE or something like that, it talks about when we feal down we eat because that food tastes good and that full feeling we get when we eat, it just makes us feel better. I will have to battle my weight the rest of my life, I put it on and then try to take it off. It's just a roller coaster ride that's not much fun. If you are healthy and your doctor tells you you need to lose a little weigth and you feel good about youself, don't let other people tell you what's wrong with you, BITE BACK. I hope this makes you feel better about youself. Oldcowboy "
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Reply #25 - 03/11/13  11:43am
" MIL's can be very strange, Juice. I am sorry that this happened to you.

That was totally uncalled for what she did!! :-C
__________

Weight:

I have *lost* weight. People have been *commenting* how they "just love" this "lost weight."

Here's the rub Juice:

I lost that weight with klonapin and it is NOT from dieting. It's from the meds and STARVATION and NERVOUSNESS.

I have this whole complex about body image.

Even when I am "slim" I still look big because of the way that my body is structured. My skeletal structure is wide. I am mixed in blood with two NDN tribes of Blackfoot and Cherokee. So, I have medium hands, a medium chest, but a wide waist and wide bottom. So, it is difficult for me. The Blackfoot and the Scottish made my mom's family big and wide and my dad's side skinny and small for the Cherokee/Irish side.


I also have a friend, another person like myself who has bipolar, and she says that she is morbidly obese.

I always say to anyone that eating sensibly is okay. We need nutrition, so sometimes we have to eat eggs, or eat things prepared with fat or whatever. (I know that you can eat boiled eggs, too-they just smell) but I say eat small portions and go for sensible walks but don't overdo it.

As long as your weight does not hurt your heart, your joints or in other ways your medical health, then it should not matter.

But yes, I do know what you mean. People used to grill me on my appearance. They LOVE the "new haircut" and the "weight loss" and now I feel like I have to have the weight loss. "
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Reply #26 - 03/11/13  12:55pm
" I feel your pain Juice. My husband and I were bringing my daughter home from college for spring break. We stopped at a restaurant for a bite to eat, and while we were waiting for our meals my husband told my daughter that he thought I was getting "quite plumpy". My daughter told him that he was wrong and rude and his response was that he was telling the truth and I was definitely fatter than ever!
I am an alcoholic that is now 10 months sober... I would rather have gained a few pounds than be drunk again! "
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Reply #27 - 03/11/13  2:42pm
" I don't understand how people can make comments like that. Would she ever say something like that when it is just the 2 of you talking?

Sometimes I think that the only defense against a person like that is to stop valuing what they say. Not just about you, but about EVERYTHING they say. If they comment that you are ignoring what they say you can always say that "You say so many hurtful things to me that I stopped paying attention to you years ago."

Well, that sounded meaner than I intended. But is may feel good to think it! "
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Reply #28 - 03/11/13  7:36pm
" For your own mental and emotional health, I have found that a good way of handling insults is to throw the comment back at the person by telling them, right then, what you think you heard them say, and how much it hurt you. That allows them the opportunity to either clarify, apologize, or say that is exactly what they meant. No matter how they respond to your reply, you will know exactly where you stand with them.
However, since this was a very public comment, I am not sure whether it is a good idea to confront her right then as it would make for a very tense atmosphere. Then again, she started it, so the public embarrassment may be a good way of trying to teach her a lesson.
What she did to you was unconscionable. I am so happy to hear your family is being so supportive of you today, but it would have been nice if your H had said something right then to defend you. Once you marry your first priority is to your spouse and not to your parents. But hey, support is support and it sounds like your family has your back. Good for them, wonderful for you.
You are blessed! BB "

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