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Discussion:
Fatherless
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Does anyone know how not having a father affects a man?

What types of behaviors do you think he might exhibit in a relationship?

Does anyone know any support groups on this subject? "Breakups and Divorce" is a little too broad for what I'm asking here.
Posted on 10/14/12, 03:07 pm
22 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
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Email me when others reply to this topic help
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Reply #1 - 10/14/12  3:36pm
" I cannot speak from experience, but:

http://www.charlotteparent.com/arti...

http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/1...

and tons more. Google:

fatherless sons "
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Reply #2 - 10/14/12  3:45pm
" Yeah, I'm googling now. Thank you. "
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Reply #3 - 10/14/12  5:08pm
" I grew up without a father. He left without a trace when I was 2, I found him again when I was 21...I am now 32. What would you like to know? "
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Reply #4 - 10/14/12  6:32pm
" I'm not really sure how to answer that question. I just remember that when my youngest son use to sit outside on the curb, waiting for his dad to show up and pick him up, he was so hurt when he never made it. This went on almost every weekend. And it just tore my heart apart because I could see the pain in his eyes. I could be so much more helpful if you were asking about how it affects woman, but I'm not completely sure about boys. My oldest son didn't seem to be bothered by it but I do know it hurt my youngest and I'm sure it caused him to feel rejected and not important enough. It still bothers me to this day. "
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Reply #5 - 10/15/12  12:19am
" DerRote.....How do you think not having a father figure has affected your relationships and your idea of intimacy and commitment? "
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Reply #6 - 10/15/12  6:48am
" Consider, A father present in ones childhood will not automatically guarantee a healthy adaptation towards intimacy Or commitment.
A child needs healthy examples and people to form healthy bonds with regardless of sex of parent.
My father was a "Rager" so I learned how to fear conflict. "
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Reply #7 - 10/15/12  6:55am
" But with regards to Your question: codependent Anonymous support groups can be very helpful. "
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Reply #8 - 10/15/12  10:39am
" Not really sure. I was under the impression that women wanted men like their fathers and men wanted women like their mothers. However, I learned my lesson and stopped dating crazy white women after a while.

I had a step-dad come around that married my mother when I was 5 and then they had 2 more kids, one when I was 6 and the other when I was 9. They had their ups and downs, but only once did I ever see them really get into it.They divorced back in 2009 after 18-19yrs of marriage because of my step-dads second run in with meth addiction in 2003(happened once before when I was 13).
In 2001 I had actually found my father and then his sister found me. So I did meet him once and then never contacted him again. I recently found out he wrote a letter to my mother saying that he moved back to Las Vegas in 2008 or some time and was trying to find me. Little did he know that I had left Vegas for Texas back around Xmas time in 2003. I still haven't cared to contact him nor will I ever. He gave up on me when I was 2 and I never heard from him until that first time I met him when I was 21. So fuck him.
One therapist from back in the day said him leaving was a reason for some of my issues and I said no it isn't because I don't even remember him. I blame my mother for being such a raging bitch. One such incident I remember from when I was 4 is her getting pissed about something so bad that she was banging on the bathroom door so hard against the wall the the door knob broke through the drywall and there was a hole there until we moved when I was 6. She was always yelling and screaming about something to myself and my brothers when we were all growing up.
I think the ONLY thing that happened because my father left is that I never wanted to have kids. I eventually had one(he is 8 now), but when he was 15mo old I had a Vasectomy. I am happy that I have him and even though he lives 150mi away, I make the effort to visit him every other weekend and on major holidays, like Thanksgiving and Xmas. I even switched days off of work so I could visit him on Halloween this year. A lot of people in my family said that I would turn out like my father(manly my mother spreading that around the family), but I have proven her wrong.

Ok going to wrap that up now. Maybe not what you were asking, but was kind of hard to answer the question looking back at the first small paragraph. I think it was more my mothers fault for being such a raging bitch rather than my father bailing on me. "
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Reply #9 - 10/15/12  12:14pm
" John....That's a good idea (CA group). But consider this. Was your father's rage a form of absence, and did that absence fail to teach you how to problem solve (conflict), generally speaking? Did it fail to teach interpersonal skills? All these can affect "intimacy", because in intimacy, you encounter compromises and the unknown. You are faced with self acceptance/a solid sense of self. I'm reading that these things are learned from a male to male bond, probably because one of the things we identify ourselves with is our gender/gender roll in society.

DerRote....One thing that I'm hearing is that you identify "crazy white women" in your life because you feel your mother was a "crazy white woman". This may be a recall of the chicken and the egg theory. Was she "crazy" because her partners/parental figures (one being your father) were absent in HER life or were they absent because she was "crazy"? [ I'm guessing she would be white regardless of how crazy or abandoned she was. ;) ] Your first paragraph tells me that your father's absence and no replacement of needed influences has formed your behavior and judgments towards women and probably anyone you encounter. I'm making these inferences based on what I'm reading regarding the subject. I am in no way an expert. But, I thought I'd share and maybe you can look into it further if you so desire.

Thank you for replying. This helps. "
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Reply #10 - 10/15/12  12:42pm
" "I was under the impression that women wanted men like their fathers and men wanted women like their mothers."....that is funny because in my first marriage they guy was nothing like my dad but he was a lot older than me. I then married a man with a lot of my father's mannerisms....... A lot of females who had issues with their father get involved with older men...."father figures"...I call them........my dad never knew his real father..........I personally think it affected him greatly.....I doubt he would admit what they were but ... The man my grandmother married to was always my grandpa :-) "

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