Depression Support Group

Little G has had swimming lessons on twice a week for weeks now. Tomorrow is her last one. Her mother and I have been attending them together from the start. Before we took little G to her mother's house she asked if I would be coming to her last lesson. I told her yes I would (I didn't think it would be an issue as I have attended all of them)

Tonight her mother rang me and asked if I was coming to the swim lesson tomorrow. When I replied that I was she asked if I was picking her up for the night. I told her no, that we were planning on taking her on Wed. So she told me then there was no reason for me to come tomorrow. I said okay. Then she told me she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings she just wants some one on one time with little G. I said, I totally understand it's okay.

She then apologized again and said it was just that she felt like she was losing her daughter. That little G already thinks of us both as mom and that as I was going to be her mom in the future she's a little jealous (don't ask me what this future mom thing is- it's not the first time she's said it but I don't know what it's about). So I said, you are her mother and always will be. I'm not trying to be her mother she already as you for that. I totally understand and respect that you want some time with your daughter. I was only planning on coming (it's a 40 min drive for me for a 30 min lesson) because little G asked me to be there. I would hope she would explain to little G that she wanted special time with her and that's why I didn't come so she doesn't think I just blew her off. I told her I really respect that she rang me and told me she'd rather me not there then say nothing and be resentful of it.

As far as I was concerned that was that. But then she said here well let me just ask little G- and before I could say anything she asked little G if she wanted me at the lesson. Little G was emphatic that she wanted me to come. So then her mother said, forget I even called she really wants you there. So I said I have some other things I need to do in town ( I do) so what I'll do is come for just the swim lesson and leave (we usually hang out after and play) and you and little G can have special time. Then she said, no no, you should stay after too.

I was okay with not going before she spoke to little G and asked her what she wanted repeatedly. Now I don't know what to do- do I go because that's what little G wants or do I not go because that's what her mother wants- in the process hurting my relationship with little G?

I try so hard to be respectful of her mother and what her mother wants and somehow it's never the right thing. I swear it feels like she'd like it better if I was just rude and awful to her. I'm not that person anyway, but also I would NEVER do anything intentionally to mess up G's relationship with his daughter. I don't know what to do.
Posted on 08/20/12, 09:04 pm