Depression Support Group

alcohol ... the devil's beverage. Yeah .. you were a naughty girl and I don't condone what you did .. but getting drunk and kissing someone is not on a scale to match your reaction to it.

Live, learn, and move on.

If you feel like you need to go to the hospital then you should. I know you don't have any insurance but which is worse? There is financial help out there. I know whenever I think I should go I usually do something stupid because I didn't go and wind up there anyway. Hope you feel better soon.

it may have been 'just' a kiss, but i don't think my situation is as simple as that. no matter how minor it may seem to other people, this is a moment of crisis in my relationship with my boyfriend, and in my ability to trust my own motives; it's not the event itself, it's a symptom of something.

i may even be overreacting, but isn't that part of the problem with depression? it's hard for us to properly scale things. your comment seems more dismissive than constructive, so i'm having trouble taking your words to heart, no matter how practical they are.

in any case, thanks for replying. i don't want to just be defensive or disregard advice, since i came here for help.

reading the link I'm thinking you need to stop beating yourself up.Have you told bf? Kinell hun, no reason to die over it. I'm with you with loyalty and that but if he forgives you then start again, if he doesn't then next person you're involved with you'll know a bit more. But tbh I think it's something so little I'd probably prefer not to know, but I'd confess because I'm like that too x

>>it's a symptom of something

Yes. .. inebriation.

effin: yes, i told him. this is a major breach of trust for him, and in the past, he has stated that he would rather hurt than have me lie to him.

not that i didn't consider it, since i messed up and should be the one to hurt from it. but he deserves to know the person he's with, more than be 'spared' the knowledge. maybe i'll be a better partner after this, maybe not, but at least he gets the choice if he wants to continue being vulnerable to me.

WanderingVet, inebriation certainly didn't help the situation, but it does not excuse it. i have gotten drunk before and not allowed things to escalate as they did; being drunk contributes to poor decision-making, but there are still decisions being made.

again, it's not that i kissed a guy, it was that i put myself into a situation and made choices that were counter to what i thought i wanted. i'm questioning my own judgement. my issues might be minor compared to most everyone else's, but i'm still depressed and need help. i'm not going to benefit from your words if you think my concern is invalid.

ksmimi, i've never gone to a hospital for this kind of thing; i'm just thinking maybe anxiety drugs might tide me over to stay healthy enough (eat enough, take care of chores and such, get adequate sleep) to get regular treatment next week. i just don't have the experience with hospitals or myself on those drugs to know.

but, i just called the number my therapist gave me for while he was on vacation. i can at least try to talk to someone at the ER tomorrow and see if it's appropriate for me. this seems to be sensible advice, regarding when to go to an ER for anxiety or depression: http://forums.webmd.com/3/depressio...

thank you all for the encouragement.

This is where it gets hard. The reason I say that is because you want advice, you want constructive criticism, but at the same time, you don't want to hear the truth. I'm going to give you the truth, okay? You can take it, or you can leave it, that is the good part. It's called free will.
Number one problem: The alcohol. You have done this to your boyfriend twice now, and both times you were drinking? There are two problems that I see here. One is that you cannot drink and trust yourself. And now your boyfriend can definitely not trust you if you are out drinking and are around men. When you drink and go looking for that kiss from another man, it's because you are missing something within yourself. It's not anything your boyfriend has done because you would have left him the first time. But something is missing in your heart and you are not getting it fulfilled unless you are drinking and with a complete stranger. I assume this was a stranger. Worse yet if you knew him. I think you need to decide which is more important, your relationship with your boyfriend, or the alcohol. There are just people who cannot drink without doing things that they would not normally do sober. Please take a good hard look at the entire scenario and see what means the most to you. You will find your own answer.

For what it's worth, have you considered that the drinking and acting out are a way that you are trying to self-medicate so as not to confront your real issue of depression and anxiety? I know for me that I use meds to self-medicate, and that's wrong since I am not dealing with the issue that caused me to reach for the meds. But you're correct that depression does tend to make us escalate negative thoughts out of proportion. I also do that all the time and am constantly trying to fix it. You have to accept that the decision is now in your BF's hands, and you have no real control over it. It sucks, it really does. I don't agree with some of the more dismissive comments here, even though there is some truth there. You are still in pain and deserve help. It does not make you a horrible person. And maybe you do need to at least call a crisis hotline to get their opinion on whether you should go to a hospital. You absolutely should go if you are thinking of harming yourself. I've been there twice this year with suicide attempts. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk further. I promise to listen and try not to be judgmental. Lots of hugs! Tracy

but, it's not the alcohol; i rarely drink to the point of being drunk. it'd been a a few weeks since i'd even had alcohol before that. simply removing alcohol from my life (which i've already decided to do) isn't going to solve the problem, because being addicted isn't the problem. i'm not saying alcohol is good for me, but it isn't the source of the issue.

there was a time i used it to self-medicate, so i'm not dismissing what you have to say, i just don't think that's what's going on right now.

"It's not anything your boyfriend has done because you would have left him the first time. But something is missing in your heart and you are not getting it fulfilled [...]"

if you read through the rest of the thread (not to imply you didn't), this gets touched on. i don't blame my boyfriend for neglecting me or anything like that; we may have legitimate issues in our relationship, but i recognize that this occurred because of something i have yet to figure out, and, yes, low self-esteem plays into it.

i feel ashamed of hurting him, that i didn't express better control over myself... the few people i might call, i'm just anticipating disappointment and shame, and i'm not ready to shoulder that; my therapist is out of town, so i'm just caught up in myself.

i'm sorry if i just seem stubborn or self-centered; i do appreciate that you are all trying to help in your own ways.

I'm glad that you are accessing the resources that are in place to support you and realising that the situation you were in was risky is the first step to challenging the behaviour and therefore changing it