Advertisement
Do you suffer from chronic pain?
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
More DailyStrength
|
Don't know who else to talk to
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm new here, Google brought me. I don't know how to start so I'll just get right on to it.
I've just been feeling very sad and scared lately. I guess it started when my father died a few months ago. I had not seen him in 10 years. We were not estranged or anything - I just never went to see him as soon as I started working. We did not really have a very close relationship and I grew up with my mom and they were separated. My brother lived with him a few years ago but moved out because they had a fight and had not gone back to see him ever since. A few days before he died, his lived-in partner sent me a text message that he was very sick and that they will have to bring him to the hospital. I did not text back. I did not tell my brother either, thinking that he would get the same message. A few days later, my father died. I had forgotten that my brother changed his number so he never got the message to visit. I was the only one they reached out to and I failed to let anyone know. I had no excuse. When I got the message I just thought they were going to ask me for money and I did not have any to give. I was scared of the responsibility. So I did not respond. And my father died without seeing his children. I just can't get over the guilt. I think about how he lived in his little farm as a poor man, never asking us for anything. When we went to his house we found a photo of my brother on his worktable, the one he supposedly used everyday. He was building a house that he and my brother talked about. He loved my brother but he did not get to see him before died. Since then I've realized that everything in my life's a mess. I realized I don't really have anything in my life that's good. I hate my job and my boss and the people at work hate me. I'm in chronic fear of losing my job because no one likes me and my boss hates my guts, I'm always feeling sick and I never want to see friends. I just can't bear to tell anyone about my guilt and I am so ashamed of myself and I don't think anyone will understand. Thank you for reading. I just have to let it out somehow. Posted on 08/08/12, 02:03 am |
| 3 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
It's an unfortunate situation, but what happened is not your fault. It's just something that happened. Holding on to guilt isn't going to change anything. Deep down your Dad knew that you and your brother loved him, I'm sure. When things happen that I feel awful about I try to take a lesson from it. I know, it's easier said than done. Maybe it was a sign for you to nurture your relationships a bit more?
This illness makes us want to withdraw, but sometimes a good day with friends is more therapeutic than any counselling session or medication. Have you thought about looking for a different job? 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hello Julian... I am sorry for the guilt you're carrying... Just wanted you to know somebody read your post and that I am dealing with guilt also.. My father died back in 2002 and I feel just like you do..Will gladly chat on the IM thing here if you feel comfortable talking to me? Just know what you're feeling is natural..Wish my mind was clearer this morning then I could make more sense...Welcome to DS...Hopefully you will find the support you need here...You're not alone OK...Peace!!!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Losing someone is so hard, and you're coping with grief and a shed-load of guilt. Of course you're going to blame yourself because you're coping with so much, but you have to think about a couple of things. First, it's not your fault that your brother didn't let your Dad know what his new number was. It's just bad timing. Second, the nature of your relation ship with your Dad was quite distant, and that's not anyone's fault.
Depression can make any feelings of guilt grow out of all proportion. It must have hurt to see your brother's photo on your Dad's workbench, but your Dad could have made the choice to reach out and mend his relationship with both of you long ago. That's not your fault, no matter how tragic the consequences. It must be heart-breaking to imagine what your dad must have been thinking and how he lived before he died, but you can't dwell on that. It's almost unbearable poignant to think of him living in his farm with not much money, but you can't take responsibility for that. Now might not be a good time to look at different jobs as your self-esteem is so low, but I think it's something you need to think about. Bullying in the workplace will have a major impact on your mental health, and the longer it continues the worse you'll feel. If it's a big company, is there any way you can get someone to mediate in the situation? Keep talking to us here, and remember that you are a good person.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
Advertisement
More From Around the Web
