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Hello all, I'm new here. SO happy to find online support. I just finished a year of treatment for breast cancer, and I don't know how to start living again. I'm on disability and I am almost totally alone. No kids, no family except a brother in another state. A husband who is very busy with his job and his full-time hobby (he's a musician).
I only have one friend who comes to visit every three or four months (she lives in a near-by town). Being shy, introverted and feeling like a pariah with all my diseases I am unable to make friends. I go to support groups but always feel like an outsider. And I can't pick up the phone to call old friends who live far away because I have nothing to talk about but my own misery. My life seems like a train wreck. So much suffering, and I fear there is more to come. I'm filled with guilt about all the things I didn't or did do, the choices I've made, etc. The very few positive things I've done seem so incredibly small and pathetic and meaningless. I feel I must be a rotten person to have so many bad things happen to me. And now I feel my life is coming to an end, I'm terrified about a cancer recurrence and I'm afraid I won't live very much longer (I'm 55). I wonder if part of me has already given up. I'm not afraid of dying but I am terrified of all the pain and suffering that comes before (as in a death from cancer). I am so scared and lonely and depressed. Posted on 07/28/12, 01:35 pm |
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Now is the time to be happy to wake up each day....positive thinking, rather than fearing the worst, will improve your quality of life.
Think about how you can go about causing peace in your life....cancer may recur, or it may not. Make a plan for either scenario. You need people, supportive people, so you might have to take a chance here and there and reach out...a little more assertively than you have been. Try to banish fearful and hopeless thoughts as soon as they happen. ((((hugs)))) You never know what the next day, week, or month will bring. 
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OH YEAH.....welcome to the site and the group! There are amazing people here.
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Welcome, and you have come to the right place. There are other Forums that can help you too, but I'm glad you came here first. A lot of supportive people here, as you will find out.
There is a beautiful song written by a country singer which his name has left my memory, but the song is called:" Live like you were dying" Daisylou had so many good recommendations for you and I think her suggestions will help you a great deal. Think positive, and keep coming back!
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Yes, welcome to DS!
This is a great place. We are part support group and part social network; many of us find that there are days that the only people who understand what we are dealing with are those who are dealing with the same thing! Give that, we tend to have a lot of fun and games going on here. So join in as you feel comfortable!
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First off, you are a warrior for beating breast cancer! that is awesome! I can't imagine though the fear in having it return. try to find that inner light of yours and let it grow and grow until it is beaming out of you (positive imagery) I know how you feel about being an outsider...it is really hard to make friends as an adult. Persistence pays off as friendships take a long time to develop. Your life is not meaningless...everyone is here for a reason. You are important.
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Welcome! Sounds like the depression talking here. You're NOT a rotten person, and as you recover from the year of tough times hopefully you'll see that you are, in fact, an amazing woman.
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Hiya' etherize
Welcome to the DS community, nice to meet you. There are many caring and supportive people in this community. Wishing you all the best on your journey.
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Thank you all for the replies! I didn't realize I'd gotten replies until today (I thought I'd get emails or something). Anyway, yes positive thinking is just not an option when you're depressed -- if it were, I wouldn't be depressed. ;-) I have an appointment with my doc to get on an anti-depressant and I hope that will help. Thanks again for the support.
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Welcome, You face a lot of unknowns, Some of the most memorable people who ever lived started after the age of 50. You know where you are in life, it sucks, its not been kind, so every day set out to don one kind thing for someone else, a call of encouragement , write a letter of cheer to someone else. Take the mind set of who cares if YOu don't recieve anything back. Live the rest of your life (may it be long and joyful) as if the only thing worth doing is being there for someone else. Get out and enjoy yourself, cut support groups down to 2 a month and join groups that give you things to do. (try www.meetups.com). By taking control of your life you will live and feel better.
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Etherize, you must be so afraid of the future ( I can't imagine ) Your Blood Work for Tumor Markers ( PA125 ?), was it in the normal range or no markers at all? Your not alone if you don't choose to be. Thanks for the Friend acceptance request. I'm here if you need to talk, I lost my Wife & I haven't any Kids as well. So I have a general idea of what it's like to be alone against it all when I chose to be alone.
Reaching out is difficult at 1st, but it gets better. Your misery you speak of is experience & struggle. Never mind the past, get out of that whole. We are here, give us a chance. Mark xx
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