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I am 29 and clinically depressed with panic attacks, anxiety, social phobia, and agoraphobia. I am so sad. I tried to fall asleep meditating last night but then I wake up with an overwhelming feeling of dread, hopelessness, and a knot in my stomach so tight I can't eat. I can't shake this feeling. I woke up crying. This is an everyday thing. I feel so weak and helpless. No one understands. I still live with my mom who says "all you know how to do is cry". I am trying so hard to find somewhere else to go, but no one can take me in. I am having horrible panic too. I just started a new therapist who is going to have me see a psychiatrist soon. I don't know when....and the county is paying for it because I don't have insurance. I feel weak, light headed, dizzy, scared....I don't know how to shake this awful feeling. I need out of this place and away from my mother and this negative environment so that I can heal myself. But I can't. I don't want to check myself into somewhere because medicine makes me panic and my fear is that I will be strapped down and injected with awful things. Any advice, greatly appreciated.
Posted on 02/05/12, 09:11 am
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Reply #1 - 02/05/12  9:22am
" Wow

(((((((((( HUGE HUGS ))))))))))

I understand. I have woken up crying almost every day this week.

I'm glad that you are seeking help and glad that you're going to see a psychiatrist. I think that talk therapy is appropriate, so be careful that you have therapy, not just someone doling out medication.

((((((((HUGS)))))) "
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Reply #2 - 02/05/12  9:33am
" I understand. I am in a similar place right now. Not the same circumstances, but the same feelings. I usually wake in panic and terror. I also feel debilitated right now and wish I could go somewhere I wouldn't have to take care of myself. I know where my feelings come from and I know what triggered it this time. Mine stems from incest and the social phobia is being afraid of criticisim. I have been able to go to support groups, but it is getting worse. I do understand what is going on with me, but I have been dealing with this issue for a long time. "
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Reply #3 - 02/05/12  11:02am
" I truly feel for u hun. I was in a negative enviroment when I was stil living with my mom. But if u really want to get out on ur own u will be surprised the strenght and courage u have! I am glad that u are seeking medical help and hope that u have an appointment soon! I am hoping ur mood will passs for u or u will at least feel like u can deal with things! My family doesnt really understand my depression either. If they never experince it then its hard to understand. I am not sure if ur working but u mentioned that the goverment helped so u could go to therapy. maybe when u are ready even just a weekend job would be great. It would be one way to get away from ur mom and a way to feel good about urself. Hope that u can find some happiness that u desever and hope that u continue to get ur feelings out. "
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Reply #4 - 02/05/12  11:52am
" I wake up crying too sometimes, used to be everyday. It gets better with help so don't give up.I'm sending love to you as I don't pray, please don't give up "
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Reply #5 - 02/05/12  12:03pm
" Your mom is lacking in understanding when it comes to depression.

Unfortunately, she may be making your depression worse due to her attitude.

You may have to either try to get away from her negatively or if that's not feasible, maybe she can be made aware of what you are truly going through.

She may even end up being helpful :-)

Much Luck And Healing Sweetheart :-) "
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Reply #6 - 02/05/12  12:06pm
" I have been in an institution before. What I did is I saw myself spiraling down and simply asked a bunch of people at a group therapy what a good hospital was in the area. Didn't go over well with the group so much because they where all like what the hell are you asking that for and acting concerned, but I got what I wanted, and that was what hospitals to stay away from, and what ones to aim for when the time came. When I self committed myself I spoke up, and worked with the ER psychiatrist on ending up at the right place based on what I knew from other people's experience. I ended up at a good facility and while I was there continued to speak up to get the care I needed. I found people that I didn't need to be embarrassed because they where all there for mental illness. Now it didn't heal me, but kept me alive. I never saw them strap somebody down, and everybody showed respect for each other. Some people avoided programs on the schedule and isolated themselves, and got nothing out of it. Don't do that.
Bottom line, if you feel in crisis or near there, speak up and ask others where a safe place is in your area. YES, there are bad hospitals, but you can find out this week, which ones to avoid. Don't avoid getting help because of uncertainty, or let the cards fall where they may when you do need it most.
I hope you feel better, and never actually need to go to a hospital, but if you are even considering it, don't hesitate to have a good plan. "
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Reply #7 - 02/05/12  2:05pm
" Bunnygirl,

I'm sorry that you have to get up and go through such hell and live with someone who do not have a clue as to what you are going through. Maybe having a change in life would help you. We have family who do not understand our feelings of depression and other emotional feelings (especially for my mom). She is going through a serious depression right now and feel that no one cares about her and she is suffering with other emotional pains from from family members. Its not that I don't understand her feelings (because I do), but I feel to see her go through this hell because of people who don't care. She emailed my sister a few days ago, she just responded to my mom's email. In the email she told my mom that she sent emails to our home before but they went back to her. I checked our email everyday and don't see any mail from at all; hearing her shit makes me believe that this she is saying this shit on purpose and mom is reacting to her sour feelings. Mom had 7 kids: five boys and two girls (Myself and my sister). I noticed that when mom is calm she doesn't go through physical pain like now (she experience pain from her lower back, down her leg to her baby toe, this happens on her left side of her body). But when she is upset, she experience these problems; she has insomnia, loss of appetite, and bad thoughts. She too wake up in the morning crying, especially over the fact that my siblings do not understand mom (at least that is how mom feels). I have a brother who is behavaing like he used to act in the 1980s. He is on drugs, thinks he is holier than thou, and claim that he is a devout christian but there is reasons why I question that. Mom has nightmares that would make her wake up in the morning saddened, in tears, and she'll get up at 1:00 am or 2:00 am. Also my mother had a bad childhood: she was abused as a child.

If you want to talk, you can send me a message. "

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