Depression Support Group

I try extremely hard to be the very best version of myself by being good to others, trying to think positively, living healthy, appreciating the small things but I always seem to end up right back in this place.

I first started suffering with depression when I was 11, which is when I started injuring myself severely. A lot of responsibilities were dumped on me like having to raise my younger brother, looking after the household, as well as all the financial problems we were having.. not only these things but I had my own social anxiety disorder to contend with. I used to hurt myself several times daily, and often it would vary between angry and aggressive cutting or meticulous and thought out self harm. I was addicted. I did this for 3 years without telling a soul, until I turned 14 and attempted suicide. This wasn't a cry for help, I generally believed I would die and was infuriated when it didn't go to plan.

I had 6 years of councelling and CBT to overcome my depression and anxiety and it had a big impact on my life. I stopped self harming at the age of 18 and my confidence grew significantly. However, It's still really hard and I now run my own business and live in a place where I have no friends.. this makes it difficult on my anxiety, my self esteem, my stress levels.. just everything. I constantly feel as if I'm not good enough, and I really miss having someone I can rely on and talk to.

I feel as though I'm always so good to everyone, and I'm always the one making the effort and being the shoulder to cry on.... but when I reach out to people I get absolutely nothing back.

I'm feeling suicidal again and even though I know I'm not going to kill myself, I still feel as though there may be a point where I'll self injure or even overdose.. I just want to somebody to talk to, especially in person, but how can I have that when the only people I do know don't listen to me and my anxiety makes it really hard to make friends? =/
Posted on 04/12/12, 09:04 am