Dementia Support Group

Dad and I just have to 'go with the flow' where my Mum's concerned. I suppose if you consider it one of the symptoms, it's possible to not get too uptight about it. One solution with for the medication would be to tell her it's a vitamin pill to help boost her energy perhaps. Another would be to hide or mix it into her food or drink somehow. I don't know how you feel about that. Does your Mum have any other health problems? My Mum has sleep apnoea so it's possible to get her to a doctor under false pretences. I'm afraid that's all I can think of. It's difficult and horrible to have to watch, I know.

My husband was the King of Denial. He used to say there was something wrong with me.. not him. He would go to Dr's, though, so
that was one fight we didn't have.

Sometimes you just have to be creative to get them the help they
needs.

Good luck.. this is not a happy journey.

Jamr41, my mom was like that during the whole terrible experience in the hospital -- she would say that I was the one who had the problem. And it's funny how she can see all the faults in other people but she can't see any in herself.

Tattyhead184, my mom does have other health problems, but if I tell her that we are going to the doctor for one thing and she finds out its something else I would be concerned about how she would react. I'd wonder if she'd ever trust me again when I would try to take her for a legitimate appointment. This is not easy at all. I'm so frustrated.

I think this is a defense mechanism, but a very hard issue to deal with for the caregiver. My Father wanted so bad for his issues to be related to anything but a neurological disease that he became a master at thinking of other reasons for behavior and confusion...eyesight, everyone else to blame, etc. Add to this any paranoia and it's a tough road.

I would get my Dad to the doctor only for other reasons, checkup, flu shot, heart pain and then pack as much into this visit as possible early on. I called the doctors and they worked with me on this.

I know that elder care organizations, alzheimers and others can be very useful in providing resourses and ideas on these challenges. Some areas have visiting social workers or nurses that can come to the home to do assessments. We had someone come to complete a home evaluation under the pretense that it was a "benefit" and they earned the right to have items provided free to help them stay at home.

It is hard, but critical to get the right care, especially initially. They can't "force" care, patients have rights, they can refuse, etc...I've heard it all while being swallowed up in the struggle. But I had to dig deep and get creative, remember at all times that his safety and quality of life were the most important thing and at times, be a bit sneaky in his best interest. I wish I could say there was a miracle answer to this, but everyone is so different.

There are some meds that might help in different versions..some in a patch, some that disolve on the tongue, some you can grind up in food, but you have to check with Doc's first as some can't be ground up or they may react very differently than they are supposed to.

In home care services can help...

Keep us posted and I'll keep thinking. Big hugs to you, I know it's hard and you're not alone.

I know this sounds like I'm crazy but have your tried telling her the truth? It's time for your checkup. With my Mom I feel if I catch her on a good day it's a little easier.

We dealt with this repeatedly with Mom... she was such a headstrong lady and she denied the whole time. Yes we had to "trick" her into taking her meds and going to the dr. I hated doing it but she had to go. The dr. told her but she did not tell us, her children, so I would have to go with her to the dr. and ask for myself what was going on. I knew that she knew something was wrong but she would never say it. So we just also just "go with the flow" when it came to that.

Thanks guys you've given me some great ideas, but as for telling her the truth, she associates the neurologist with the being "crazy" since the neurologist wants to examine her head. I've pleaded with her to just consider it and she says "OK, I'll consider it" which is a polite way of saying no. I'll keep at it, but if reasoning doesn't work I'll have to think of something else. I've come to the conclusion that being difficult and rebellious is part of her illness. It's so strange because in the past she was the one ordering me around now the roles are reversed. It's as if I have become the parent and she has become the child.

HI! If she was recently diagnosed (within past 6 mos or so) she may be in denial about her condition. Maybe it will be easier to talk to her after she digests the reality that she has dementia.
Good luck!

It has been 6 months, but how would I even venture to start the conversation. She believes that she is a "spiritualist." She actually believes that the hallucinations are "spirits" and that her delusions are "visions." To even hint otherwise is to prepare for a fight. They say that an unbalanced person who knows they have a problem is not too far gone. What do you do when they actually believe their own hype?

Very tough for you! Well, I guess there are 2 ways to go: cater to her views or try to force her to accept reality. I'm guessing that at this point there is no way that she will accept the reality of her situation. So, what if you resolve to meet her halfway. From my experience, there comes a point when a person with dementia becomes unable to maintain their personality that they've built over the years. I mean, they just can't keep up the defenses. Maybe the same will happen with your mom. I'm so sad to even suggest it! I hope you don't think I'm being callous. It's just that I've learned that people with dementia eventually become very basic in terms of their needs. The people I know with advanced dementia just seem to want comfort, food...
I often think about people like your mom. Is their adherence to certain views a reaction to their "selves" being torn away? I know it seems like an eternity to you. It IS such a slow process - dementia. And it is, well, torture to caregivers I'm sure. But, the person who's mind is slipping away must have some really intense defense reactions. That's my guess. I work with these amazing people regularly in the capacity of a speech language pathologist.
I can't recall from your post - is your mom in a nursing home?
Good luck to you!!