Dementia Support Group

Gosh, sounds as if you are between a rock and a hard place. It seems as tho some people with dementia can just focus on the controvertible or drag us what they conceive of unjustifiable insults that happened decades ago. When that happens, I just go with the flow. Sometimes I can divert this angry thinking by introducing something that my loved one likes. It seems as tho my loved one is very self-centered and at time very selfish. Good luck with your mother and my God give you the patience you will need.

Welcome to the community! I'm new here myself. I can't quite identity with your situation apart from the forgetfulness, but there are lots of other good people here to offer advice. Stay upbeat!

Hi renalwife and MissDaphn,

We just came from the doctor this morning and the doctor confirmed that she did have dementia. She was given anti-depressants pending the results of the blood test. It was difficult seeing her failing in the tests that she was asked and that some of her answers to some questions were really different from what actually happens. Yes, renalwife, i pray for patience all the time, even through all the painful words. I know i'll really need a lot.

Should i tell her about her condition? I'm not sure how she can take it because it might add to her depression or even if i do, she'll forget about it. I don't want her to think i'm taking control of her though i know must in some aspects. She has already shown some resentments with regards to her finances and trips out of the house. So many questions and i am really at a loss to what the right answers are.

Thanks for the replies. It really helps!

First off...welcome to a great group of caring people.

There is a good book that I refered to and still do at times when my Father was first diagnosed. 36 Hour Day. It really helped explain a lot of the questions I had running around in my head.

It is a hard road and having good doctors, ones that specialize or have experience with this disease are critical I feel. They should help try to figure out what type of dementia they feel she has as certain meds will work better dependent on type. Others can create havoc.

Redirect, redirect, redirect. At times this is the only hope of moving the topic on as there really is no way to really argue any points.

I try to provide my Father the chance to get his concerns out and talk...if I can't explain or help him through a topic, I start to sway the conversation. Finding an activity that he enjoys helped, pulling out some ice cream or a little snack sometimes will help. The anti-depressant will hopefully help and even helped with cognition a bit with the sadness and anxiety relieved a bit.

Start building a support system around you to help out and research local options. Your doctor or local Alzheimers Association can be very valuable here. Don't take no for an answer when you feel you need help.

Boy...what can I say...it's tough, but there are some very close and loving moments. Hold on, take a lot of deep breathes, remember to take care of you most importantly as we can't take care of others without our own health.

I hope some of this helps a bit and come here often, ask away....there are a lot of wonderful people here to help. We all have our hands full, but we get here as often as we can.

Big hugs to you for being so good to your Mom.

i remember when my mom was diagnosed. the doctor was asking her the questions from the standardized test. she said the year was 1974,she had no idea what day it was or the time of day, didn't know her middle name etc. and this was at 10:00am when she is at her best. i almost started to tear up and had to turn my head for a few seconds even though i dealt with this every day for 2 years, it was like reality set in. have to go right now. be back later good luck!

Hi Pounder,

Thanks for telling me about the book! I just finished it and have begun informing some close family and friends. I've really learned a lot from that. So far, i've been concentrating on good moments like cooking for her, making her favorite dish and getting her small stuff so that all her memories are full of good ones. It's worked so far, and the problems have been minimal but i am starting to prepare myself for the unpredictable. I'll always remember you suggestion of redirecting as much as i can.

H martyE,

Yeah, i know the feeling. Some days are better are really bad but after getting a better understanding of her condition, i am now more patient and just roll with it. Good luck to us all. Thanks!