Dementia Support Group

I feel very STRONGLY about this topic but since you asked here is my opinion (and that is what it is -my opinion, others may feel differently) Here is how my husband feels about this- my husband has dementia/ALZ and is in stage 5/6. He filled out an advance directive and he DOES NOT want a feeding tube. If he can't feed himself he says it is time for him to go. I feel the same way and have made this clear to my family. If my family were to authorize a feeding tube for me I have promised that I will come back and haunt them. When my father was dying of liver cancer my mom authorized a feeding tube for him, mercifully he only had to have it for a couple of days before he died. I say "mercifully' because if you have ever witnessed this you would see how horrible it is.

Maybe you are not ready for your mom to go but maybe she is ready to go and maybe her decision not to eat is her way of telling you that.

This is, again, my opinion, so you can take it or leave it but I know that me and my husband do not ever want this procedure.

Deborah48 I agree with you 100%. No feeding tubes. Why drag the suffering out any longer. Quite often they don't understand what is happening and they tear out the tubes.

I've talked to my Father in depth about this topic and he feels very strongly that he does not want any extrodinary measures taken to prolong his life. He's lived a good life and is a good man, but is very tired of this battle.

He has told me that someday he will stop eating and he will do this knowingly. I don't know if he will, but that his his choice and as I lose him piece by piece and see his mental struggle I would never question his decisions.

I know we all love our dear ones and the thought of this lose is too much to bear at times, but this is a cycle of life and my Father believes there is a wonderful place he will be going after this earth and embraces it.

I've read a lot about feeding tubes and he will absolutely not have one of these. This is our choice though and it is a personal one to make. I have seen several at his NH with tubes that have been in a lot of pain and increased confusion from them and have tried pulling them out and it's not a peaceful thing at all.

This is a decision for you and your family to make, but if she has a DNR in place, I would respect this the best you can and provide her as much love an comfort at possible. I'm sorry you're faced with this decision. Maybe she put the DNR in place to direct you at this time and take some of that burden from you. Mothers are amazing that way. Hang in there honey.