Dementia Support Group

Here's my problem and I am hoping that I can receive information on what to do. I am completely at wit's end and need some advice. My father of 81 years just passed away 3 weeks ago leaving my mother (his wife of 55 years) living alone in the house that they shared. My mother has been diagnosed with early onset dementia and also has cataracts and is also agoraphobic and now has depression to deal with. That is only the tip of the iceberg. She will not leave the house to go to the doctors. She flat out refuses to have her cataracts removed ( she would be considered legally blind) she will not change her clothes or wash her hair or take a shower . When we ask her why she won't her response is "I just don't want to" . We have looked into having someone come to the house to help her and sit with her and she flat out refuses. She accuses my brother of doing things that he is not doing. She hears noises that are not there and cannot remember the days of the week or even what she had to eat three hours previously. I live 400 miles away and my brother is the main caretaker. When I speak to her on the phone she seems completely aware of her surroundings and what is going on and speaks of dealing with my fahter's death one day at a time and saying she will fight to get thru it but then turns around and tells my brother that she will never go back to the doctors and there is no use taking her medications. She will not do anything except sit in the lounge chair and get up to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and then goes back to the chair. When her friends or relatives come to visit she seems completely coherant and have had them say that they see no problem with my mother besides her eyesight.

Well I have probably said to much to begin with but I am absolutely dumbfounded on how to handle this situation. Any and all support, help and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Posted on 04/17/09, 06:04 pm