What is Coming Out
"Coming out of the closet" describes the voluntary public announcement of one's (often homosexual or bisexual) sexual orientation, sexual attractions or gender identity. Being "out...
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My Struggles
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I'm 17 years old and I can usually handle things on my own.
Except with being comfortable with myself, enough that I can tell people that I may be a lesbian. I have no problem saying anything online, since I don't really know any of you and you don't have any opinions of me yet. i don't do well with reactions and I prefer stuff online cause I don't have to do it face to face. I just recently told my cousin who lives in Colorado that I'm questioning my sexuality.. I knew she would be cool with it since she is friends with so many gay men. I was right, she totally cool and she says she can help me but really I don't think she can I just wanted to tell someone i knew. I wish I could tell my parents and friends but I can't imagine the changes that I would have to go through. I really wonder who thinks I'm a lesbian since I wear sporty clothes all the time and I'm a tomboy honestly. I wish my parents knew and suspected and came to me and ask so I wouldn't have to think about doing it myself. My dad has really strict morals and is basically homophobic. My mom is understanding since she has a cousin I think that is gay and she loves him to death! I also wonder if my mom suspects it since she knows me better than my dad, but since I'm adopted she might not have the maternal instinct. I need help as to how I can deal with living in the closet and ways that I can be more comfortable with who I am. I'd love someone to talk to and that they could help me with this. Posted on 10/11/09, 09:10 pm |
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Hi Beckstger,
I wish I had easy answers for you but I don't. I can only share my experience--I am an old man; old enough to be your grandfather. When I was young, I too was conflicted sexually and in fact I still am. I consider myself to be a latent bi-sexual--I am not active with males, although I would like to be in certain circumstances. In college, I made the mistake of hitting on "a friend" of mine and he rejected me and revealed me to our larger circle of friends. In some ways, this has ruined my life because I do not want to go near my college or associate with any of my college friends because I worry that they knew about me and make fun of me. So, based on my experience I would say be very careful about "coming out." I would say do not tell your parents or anyone else for a long time until you have grown up some and are on your own. That may not be the stylish thing to do nowadays, but in your circumstance I would definitely suggest that you be very discreet with any girl friends and do not advertise. 
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i'm sorry things are so rough for you i wish they were easier. Good luck in life.
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I know it can be difficult to keep it from most everyone in your life, but if you think that their reactions will be negative, you should probably wait until you are able to support yourself. If you're 17, you only have another year until you're legal and will be able to take care of yourself if they won't be supportive of you, at least at first. Parents will usually come around sooner or later, but sometimes they don't. But definitely wait until you can take care of yourself if you're afraid they won't take it well. And just because you dress that way doesn't necessarily mean people will suspect it because some girls are just athletic, sporty, etc. so they don't give it a second thought. Just be yourself, and don't let anyone put you down. There's only one of you in this world, you're unique, and you're you. If you need anything, feel free to message me.
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thanks for your reply. it was really nice to hear.
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Wow for the most part you sound like me. I have a dad whos basically homophobic and a mom whos pretty understanding. I didnt deal with my sexuality in a healthy way though, Iv never questioned it Iv just always knowin I was a lesbian. I started turning to drinking to deal with lonliness of not only a love life but havin nobody to talk to about it. Im also 17 now an alcoholic(I live in a little redneck town) since I turned 16 but i came out this year and just one at a time tell my friends and its so nice the girls I can go to about emotional things and I can check out and talk about girls with all my guys friends =D. Im not out to my school cause every one keeps it on the down low but Iv got like 20 ppl I can talk to about it. When I started tryin to get professional help for my drinking problem I told my mom cause she asked y I drank so much and at first she was freaked but now I can go to her with my girl troubles and we keep it from my dad. It sounds like your mom could be like that. Message me if you need to talk.
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I wish i could tell you that coming out is a peice of cake, but you never know how someone will take it. some people are fine with it, and some will never talk to you again. take it slow tell the people you trust.
i came out because i felt it was time. and i told someone i trusted and i wont tell them anything else, they told my gma the person i live with, though she is fine with it. it wasnt right when you are ready to have that convo then you will know. being gay is a hard life but if we all stick together then its not so hard, just know that you are not alone. dont tell anyone if you think they will have a negitive response to your sexuality. you cant help who you love.
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