What is Colon Cancer
Colorectal cancer, also called colon cancer or bowel cancer, includes cancerous growths in the colon, rectum and appendix. It is the third most common form of cancer and the second...
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I need help my mom is shutting me out
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Hello,
My mom was diagnosed stage 4 colon cancer two years ago at the age 56. She went to have the tumors remove back then and was told by the doctors that it was really bad and they couldn't remove anything. She had to get the colostomy bag and we told that if the cancer shrink it's a possibly that the bag would be remove.So she went through the Chemo,she lost her hair and she was having bad back pain. I went to a couple of her doctor appointments in the beginning and I was able to talk with the doctor with any concerns or questions I was having, back in February 09 I called the doctor because I was unclear to what my mother was telling me about the treatment,if I didn't go to the doctor with her I would ask her how everything was she would give me bits and pieces so thats why I would call the doctor and he would clear it up. Anyway this particular day I called and he told me that he couldn't talk to me because my mother told him not to tell anyone what was going on I was confused I said you know who I am and he yes but I was told that I was not to give out any info.I was crush.I spoke with my mother and she just blow it off well I let it go so. these pass couple of months it has been like pulling teeth from her. in June they took her off the Chemo and in July she did radiation thats done and she says that she is waiting to do a scan to know what happens next.she is now having bad pain she is taking painkillers and they makes her sleep all day she still goes to work but there are days I would call they would tell me she is out sick. I ask her whats going on and she snaps at me I took her grand-kids over to see her and her patience is just gone. I'm the only child 39 years old that knows the bits and pieces, she has 3 sisters,4 brothers, she mention to them that she has cancer and nothing more so I'm pretty much the go to person to whats go on.I went from knowing everything to bits and pieces. I'm scare because I don't know whats going on I don't want her to feel like she has to go through it by herself she is so angry I try not say to much because I don't her to stop talking to me all together.I don't know what to do. I was told that I should find some group therapy and talk about it with other person who has or who is now going through the same thing, so if anyone know of a place I live in Northern NJ. thank you for listening and your help Posted on 08/14/09, 12:08 am |
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HI. just want to add my points of view, I am eldest among 6 siblings, as the eldest I feel
responsible for taking care of my mom. So here's what we did, my mom lives in my house. My bros and sis supports me financially. Taking care of a loved one can never be that difficult. The family just needs to have a sacrifice or a special arrangement, that makes us family after all. 
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Hi Qroxanne! That is awesome that you and your family have things worked out so well. Not all families see things the same way. I wish they did, but they simply don't. I am the second youngest out of 5 siblings and I am the one who has always filled the "oldest" sibling responsibility. I found it very difficult because I did not get much support from them at all. I sat down and talked with the entire family about it and while it was agreed they needed to do something more to help out, it never came. On top of that, my mother didn't want anyone else's help, so it wouldn't have mattered much. I understand where you are coming from, but there are different situations and different views that put us in different circumstances. Had my siblings done something similar to yours, I may have been able to handle this like everything else. Fact is, I have no idea why this time was any different for me, but I do know that caretaking can be a very stressful and difficult time when you have little to no support esp. emotionally. Just my take on it. ND
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NDifferent - What you wrote is so true!! There are also cultural differences. I come from a family of very stoic private independent people. My parents loved me, but that meant sending me away to college and giving me my independence. Before my father died, he wanted his independence. I am positive of that. He was very proud of me and my career, and it would have destroyed him to see me sacrifice my career (or marriage) for him. In fact, I think it's kind of cute what he did before he died. He was a staunch Clinton supporter and really thought Hillary would be the first female president. He had this wild (and totally unrealistic) dream that I would get a high-powered job in her administration. So, when he was too sick to do much else, he spent his time helping the Clinton campaign. It gave him purpose. He kept a "secret" file on it, and going through it after he died was very moving. I still smile and get teary when I think about it.
My point is that we are all different in many, many ways. BTW, has anyone read "Water for Elephants"? It's a novel that tells a beautiful story from the perspective of a man in a nursing home.
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Hi Denine!
I'm battling stage III colon cancer and while I don't want to make excuses for your Mother's behavior, she is going through a very difficult time, both physically AND emotionally. She may be shutting you out, but this is her way of dealing with this for the time being. I can't stress enough how important it is for you to just be there for her, and to continue to give your loving support. This disease can wear down even the strongest person, but give her encouragement, and let her know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please don't take her shutting you out personally; she's reacting with emotion and is trying to just get through the day-to-day treatments. Dale
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