What is College Stress
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I'm a college freshman at an elite, liberal arts college in New England. I thought I would love it here, but it's been two months and I already want to leave.
I have no friends. None. This is the first time in my life I've felt truly lonely. In high school, I had plenty of friends and never had any issues reaching out to people. For some reason, this place has changed me - for the worse. It's like I got here and didn't immediately fit in, so I didn't meet people as quickly. After a while, I found myself having to pretend I had friends and things to do on weekend nights so I didn't seem pathetic or lame to my friends. Now, I'm caught in this vicious cycle of pretending to be happy, when in reality, I've never been this sad for this long before. I eat every meal alone, either in my dorm or at a table in the corner. I've been to one party, and it was a staff party for my work study job, so it's not like the hosts actually wanted to be my friend. I try hard to be friendly and outgoing, I sign up for clubs, and I make painfully awkward conversation in classes. Nothing has changed. The people here don't hate me, or make fun of me, they just don't notice me. I almost wish they were mean to me, because then at least I would feel acknowledged. I'm a complete non-entity. I miss my friends back home, and the worst part is, they're all loving college from what I gather. To avoid embarrassment, I lie to them too and tell them I've made plenty of friends and am having the time of my life. Obviously, this couldn't be less true. I'm doing very well academically, mostly to keep my options open for a transfer. Right now, more than anything, I just want to transfer to a big university where a couple of high school friends are enrolled, or move to a big city school where it doesn't matter so much if you don't have friends. I don't know what to do. I cry every other day and spend every spare minute (when I'm not at class or studying) sleeping, because it's easier than sitting in my dorm room, awake, and friendles. Posted on 10/24/09, 09:10 pm |
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Well, well, well. sounds like you got the case of the freshman. I had it too. It's the hardest year of your life (or at least it was for me). It is SUCH a big change. I went to a big university thinking I would make more friends, just to find out it was harder than I thought. I had my roommates who loved to hang out, but that soon ended. Had one back stab me, the other got engaged at 18, and the other was always home on the weekends. I did the same, lied to avoid people harassing or talking behind my back. Though, I'm sure they already knew.
My advice? Keep your head up, and put yourself out there. Join groups, clubs, anything. I wish I would have. Not sure if transferring is a good idea? I decided not too and have been better this year. I cried every day too, called my mom more than anyone and considered coming home half way through the year. Keep your head high! Glad to hear your grades are doing well! (People tend to forget that's what college is actually for! ;-)) Remember, you can't make friends sleeping or being cooped up in your room! (hope this helps...?) 
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Thank you. I have joined clubs, and I attend meetings regularly - but for some reason, I can never extend relationships beyond meetings and club-sponsored events. Probably because I put on this façade that I have friends and a healthy social life.
I call my parents a lot too, or rather, they call me a lot. I think they know I'm not having a great time here, but they're paying so much money to send me here, I don't want to disappoint them. I feel like I've moved to a new city where I don't know anyone, and I just have to live, day-to-day, without anything to really look forward too. It's gotten so bad that I've made a count-down calendar until I go home. I want to like it here, and I want to find a reason to stay, but it feels like filling out transfer applications is the only thing I have to look forward to. I know the first semester is really hard, but I just can't see how anything is going to change by next semester.
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