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Saturday May 18, 2013
Sad Stories
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Sunday's are such lonely days for me. I think of it as a family day...unless you don't have a family. Then it becomes a sad day. Got out for a bit and saw my buddy, he got called to work so here I am back at home. This sucks without a loved one to be with.
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Why is he so fucking mean to me. He got mad because I told him to let me volunteer to give him sex instead of him always asking me. be patient! He got mad and is acting like a fucking child saying that he is going to ignore me and not to text him or call him. I sent him multiple texts and I called. I know when he gets home from work he will cuss me out and hate me all over again.1 Recommendation
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So... today I am feeling really sad. Today marks the anniversary of the loss of my little boy, Nicholas. While I never got to hold him, I dream about him often, and today I am just feeling sad. I feel really cheated, because I can not have any more children of my own. I feel angry, because, he was discarded by my abuser like he was just a piece of garbage.
Nicholas would've been six years old tod...1 Recommendation1 CommentWell he contacted me last night. He sent me a big long text message saying that he loves Charlie (my son) and I but that he cannot be the man I want/need and deserve. He says he needs to fix himself first. He is sorry he f***ked up and he knows he has so much to fix in his life. He said he will always be grateful to me for helping him in his time of need. He says he didnt do what I think he did, ...1 RecommendationI am not myself! I look at myself in the mirror, and I see a person who is tired. I feel hurt, abandon (by God), lost, like a failure confused, and many other feelings. I ask myself why am I in this situation. I am only 27. I have my whole life ahead of me, but I feel like I am being held back. I know I can not provide my children with the things to survive. I don't have a job. I depen...1 RecommendationI'm going to a bible study, doing a lot of praying and reading trying to train my brain to think different thoughts, its a constant battle inside my head. Mornings are the worst.
I want to just love my son unconditionally no matter what his choices are, and I do, but I keep letting his choices and the people he surrounds himself with control my head. The thoughts and visions of ...1 Recommendation8 CommentsI have been lurking for the last month in here. Decided to write my story. Its very long and truth is not sure anyone can say anything to make me feel any better but maybe if there is even a slight possibility that writing it down will help me or if someone can point out something I am not seeing I am going to try. I know this will be a long read and for those that take the time to ...1 RecommendationI've become resentful now. This deal that went down with my insurance license and how I was stopped on my tracks, has got me thinking that maybe I am cursed! And M isn't doing good in his business either. He is panicking and I can tell by how he is pushing me to just get any kind of job! He says even if "temporary".
Now he wants me to call Stacy even though she told him they are not hiring ...1 Recommendation1 CommentI'm just having a rough night. No matter the great stuff happening to me, the excitement is dulled because I want to share it with him and cannot. Tears tears tears, how many tears can one person cry? God how I long for him..................... But why? He wasn't a nice guy. He wasn't there for me. He showed the emotion of a stick. Never comforted me when I cried, never engaged me in a conversati...1 Recommendation1 CommentMy head is in so much turmoil - I go from missing my stbx to thinking I could call my other ex who has guns to see if he would help me so I could kill my STBX and then kill myself. This is not a good place to be. I had such a bad migraine with that today that I spent the entire day in bed, with meds, and slept and cried it away. How can I love him and want him dead? ...2 Recommendations
