Codependency Support Group

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence

Earlier I logged onto the codependance website and came across this very informative page regarding the patterns and characteristics of codependance. I will answer each one and give a detailed explination as to why I believe I have this characteristic.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.

- Yes and when I do secretly admit to myself how I truely feel I will deny it or tell people otherwise. It is hard for me to tell people how I honesly feel.When people ask how I am doing. I usually say "I am ok" instead of talking. Sometimes I am afraid they dont' really want a true answer. Also I dont' want to bother people with my problems so I will deny how hurt and angry I am. I am in so much denial about my situation, that the next day I could feel as though I don't 'remember' or acknowledge what happened the day before. It wasn't until I started journaling how I felt each day and letting myself scream in the car could I admit how angry I was. My son is the only reason I don't kill myself when I feel like it. He doesn't even realize how many times he has inadvertantly saved my life just by being born.

I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

-Yes. I do think I am unselfish! I think I am overlly generous and too much so. I hurt myself and deny my feelings when I put others feelings ahead of my own. I dont' like for people to feel hurt, or guilt so I will try to comfort them or tell them I love them even if I don't. I take on the guilt or tell them its my fault, or I even try to minimize the situation.





Low Self Esteem Patterns:

I have difficulty making decisions.

- I often rely on others to make a decision for me. I am afraid that I will make a mistake or make the wrong decision. My boyfriend once told me that I should do the opposite of what I think I should do so I won't *uck things up. (Please excuse my french)

I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."

-No. Nothing is every good enough. Ask my dad and my ex. Like he said 'If I didn't have so many problems I would be easier to deal with. After all he isn't a professional therapist"

I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.

-I don't deserve good things. I never have. When I do, I often give it to somebody else. If I receive a gift card from work I use it to benifit others. Even financially I end up finding ways to give it all up. I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.

- I taught myself never to judge others. So much so that it is hard for me to build healthy relationships that aren't based on codependancy, sympathy, and fear of not being liked.

I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.

-I depend on others to use as a basis on how I feel about myself that day. It is easier for me to believe I am ugly, and all of the other terrible things about me than to hear I am pretty. I politly thank the person but feel like they are just being sympathetic towards me, or just deny the compliment altogether.

I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

-I am not lovable. If you truely knew me, you wouldn't like me. I don't deserve you. You are better than me. I am not smart, nor am I pretty.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
-There are things I don't want to do, but because i am afraid of physical violence I do them anyways. I don't want to be killed.

I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
-I try to be sensitive but honestly I am too worried about myself and how stupid I look, and worry about how others think about me.

I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

-YES!! I even stayed when he tried to kill me. I never cheated on him either, even though he thinks I have.


I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.

-Other people are more believable than me. I'm stupid.

I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.

-With my ex I would do things that he wanted to do even though it drove me into deeper depression. I wanted to make him happy. when I left him I finnally did things that made me happy. I even went camping every weekend for year. I took my first backpacking trip 6 months after he left me.I accept sex when I want love.

-I hate having sex like this. Especially after a nasty fight. I dont know if the person is just trying to use me.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

-Everyone is cabable but me.


I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
-I don't. Its wrong. I tell people what I think but value their opinion.

I become resentful when others will not let me help them.

-No. I think my opinions can be stupid at times its up to others to use them if they think they are good enough.


I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
-I ask first.

I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
-Yes. Because they deserve it.

I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.

-That is what they want isn't it? I want them to like me. I have never been asked out. I just want to be liked.

I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

-I feel like I "need" others more than they need me. But I don't want to die alone.
Posted on 10/04/07, 07:42 pm