What is Codependency
A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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I just ended things with my boyfriend who was in rehab for a heroin addiction. I like to think that he was clean but I really don't know anymore. I am having a difficult time resisting from talking to him. I haven't spoken to him since we broke up a week ago but I really want to call/text/email/something to make sure that he is doing ok. I know in my head that the relationship was very unhealthy and that he cared much more about the drugs then me, but I still feel like I want to help him. Any advice???
Posted on 11/04/09, 01:11 pm |
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hey, i'm in the same boat you're in exactly!! my fiance went to detox, he's an alchoholic and we are way coedependant with each other so when we are apart it drives us both nuts..but i just got out of rehab myself and i know the best thing for me to do is stay away from him becaused every time he relapses i do too and vice versa. i love him with all my heart but i just have to love him from a distance because he'll drag me down evn morse if i dont. its really hard not to call him or email him etc..bt i have to for my own sake and sanity...you too save yourself and dffinitly get rid of him...he doesnt love himself right now hes not capable pf loving you either...stay strong and email me if you need me...love ya girl
jen 
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Elizabeth,
I'm new to this board but think you will get solid advice from it's members. From my limited experience- some things do come to mind. You didn't cause this, you can't cure it & you can't control it. Detach with love-which means love him enough to allow him the space to get well on his own. At the same time take care of YOU. That's all you have control over. Alanon is a great place to get and stay well. Your boy friend has a higher power and will find it quickier(is the hope) if he's left alone to struggle through his own difficulties. God willing he will get well.
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Thanks for all the advice, i really appreciate it. Hearing it just reaffirms for me that I am doing the best thing. Sometimes, you just need that reminder/reassurance. Thanks!
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I echo what others have said. Al-Anon is a wonderful safe support group that will keep you caring for, but not care-taking, your boyfriend. His addiction is his to deal with, and whether he deals with it or not, you can be healthier than those around you, including him. Addiction is not about a person loving their drugs more than thier significant other. It is endentured slavery to a substance, that has nothing to do with love. If you can separate him as a person you love, from the disease of addiction which is unloveable, you will be able to practice (in time) loving detachment: keeping your life separate from his, but caring for his well-being. I recommend you run to Barnes & Noble and pick up Melodie Beattie's Language of Letting Go and start reading it every day. Its a wonderful adjunct to Al-Anon and will give you the guidance you need.
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