Codependency Support Group

rellymae,

that does not sound crazy AT ALL. It is quite ironic because I was at the used bookstore looking for the CoDa Anonymous book and for some reason the book you mentioned (Recovery of your Inner Child) jumped out at me.

I am on chapter 3 or so and it has been amazing! Let me know what else you get out of it. I have a feeling this book is going to do incredible things!

the book is amazing notTHEhero, I think I have just finished chapter 3 as well. Isn't it amazing how the lies told to us growing up has us bound so tightly? I'm so glad though for this support group. Everyone is wonderful.
Good luck with your reading, and we'll have to keep in touch to see how we are doing as we go along :)

rellymae, how much time do you have? The discovery of the pain and how we reacted to that pain as kids, is who we are today...no question...so I commend your insight.

I love Melody Beatie, she is one of us....she experienced our "troubles", which is why she is so important in "our" recovery...

IMO, unless you have been abused, as a child, you are not a codependent. Period.

Until and unless we acknowledge that abuse, we will never heal from codependency....

This is not a game...it is not..

To be codependent is to know what's it's like to "feel other peoples feelings".....and then to try and fix those feelings....

Something we can never acheive.....

If you think you are with a person that is "good to his core" or "salvageable" or "worth working on"....you ARE a codependent....

The only control we have is our reacation to these types of "fixer uppers"...think about it....

Hey Bitemepa,

I actually started out with Melody Beattie a few years back and when I read Codpendent No More I was looking at me in the mirror. I just couldn't believe that she could peg me like that. I thought there was something wrong with just me for thinking and feeling the things I was thinking and feeling. It was great to finally know what the issue was and know that there was help out there for me.
I have a long story about my past, however, I'll put it in a nutshell. I was molested by my 2 older brothers from age 13 - 15. When that happened it stripped my entire identity - I tried for years to figure out who I was, and yet I could never figure it out. I'm 49 and just over the summer finally figured it out!!!!
Anyway, my parents were never plugged in to us as kids, they were always off somewhere playing their music every weekend, and my oldest brother began to be the babysitter when he turned 15. That's when this all started.
My therapist tells me I raised myself emotionally because my mom didn't know how to be there for me emotionally.
One night my brothers had friends at the house and decided to pass me around to their friends forcing me to perform oral sex on them. From then on I had a reputation at school by the name of "BJ". Shame, shame, shame.
My oldest brother who was responsible for most of the abuse called me slut during the day and came at me for sex during the night after my parents left the house. I allowed this to go on until I was 15 and I walked 3 miles to a local hardware store bought a chain lock for my door and put it on myself and that's how I stopped the abuse. Never again would I EVER have to be touched again by my brother.

You write until and unless we acknowlege that abuse, we will never heal from codependency. You know, that really hit me, because my I was in therapy for a lot of years for the abuse, but mostly it was dealing with my oldest brother the most, because he's the one who kept coming back. My other brother might have been in the picture 6 times if that. So for that brother I never confronted him, although I did with the oldest one. I guess because my other brother wasn't involved as much I'm minimizing that part of the abuse.
Hmm, that gives me something to think about.
Believe me I know what it's like to feel other people's feelings and try to fix them, try to be all things for everybody else. It's exhausting to continue doing that. I'm dealing with a coworker right now where our relationship has been like that for the past 20 years, and it's just now that I decided it needs to be changed, and she's not taking very well to the changes and boundaries I put in place.
I just know I can't continue to give other people what I think they need to make them feel good about themselves.
So thank you for your comment, I love to be put to a challenge to think about something.

rellymae,

Thankyou for recommending this book, I will try to look it up.

I have known that I need to do some inner child work for some time now. As a young child I was bullied and emotionally abused both by children and teachers. I think that my child self has still not fully achnowledged what happened.

Again thankyou

you're welcome flyingfree, I hope it helps you as well. It'll be neat to see how you feel about the book once you have it in your hands and begin reading it. Keep us updated :)
It's just amazing to see how our past has affected our daily lives today. So many scars we have, and I think it's great we have a place we can get support from each other. :)

I haven't seen that book but I'll check it out.

Lately I have chosen to acknowledge my inner child and get it "on board" with my goals like I would my own children. It's very powerful if I do it right.

For example, as I train for a marathon and find days where I'd rather sit around and eat pizza than run 10 miles, I remind myself that if I do what is needed, someday I can tell people "I'm a marathoner" and put one of those 26.2 bumpers stickers on my car.

It sounds nuts at first, but it can work...

What wonderful work you're doing.
I have done a lot of inner child work in the last few years and it has been life changing for me as well.
I actually tried to use that book, but at the time I was using it, I wasn't ready. It sent me into a depressive state and brought out anger that I was not able to express. I ended up giving th book and the exercises I had done from it to my therapist to "hold" for me.
That was over a year ago.
From the perspective I have at this point, I think it is important to keep in mind that there is a pace that is going to work and if you push it too much you are going to have problems. Its like when you are trying to get ready to go somewhere and you haven't allowed enough time. You rush to get yourself together, but inevetably find you have forgotten something important when you arrive at your destination.
Taking steps backwards... I used this exact phrase in my response to the post about "books" just a moment before I came in here. What I said there may apply here as well.

I'm so glad you feel like a new person. It's wonderful that you allow your inner child to play and listen to her because she is a very important part of you.

I never realized just how important our inner child is until over the past couple months. Some people would probably look at me and say you're absolutely nuts, but I know after I work out of the book I feel so much relief.
And you know Shen, it's amazing how many books I've had for so long and I begin to read them and it's way over my head or I just can't get into it, and then one day I go back and see the book, pick it up, start to read, and the timing is perfect!!!

Im at a stage where i can talk about the sexual and all types of abuse i went through as a child. I feel numb i feel nothing. im thinking of hypnotheraphy.Thing is unless i deal with it ,im not living.The first time i experienced any kind of emotion was when my granson now 7 was born. i have 4 children ,