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Hello,
My rundown: I've been in a 12 year relationship with an alcoholic who has been sober the last two years because our GP supported his taking antabuse. I'm glad hes sober ( boy was the first years THE WORST), and I've finally found the courage to face my codependency. I've read some books (Codependent no more, Language of letting go, Love is a choice + workbook), done therapy, and just keep trying. My mate and I have agreed to split once I find a job (I just graduate with my Masters). I think we both keep thinking it will somehow work out (eg denial!). This healing is a slow going process. The best for me is to detach. I have had a couple of episodes of rageaholism ( "you shoulds") that come out of nowhere. I just keep trying. I really have to get it in my skull that he is NOT going to change and does NOT want to do the work - even though he says just the opposite. Actions speak louder than words (when I really detach and just let him be him, he pretty much just wants to play golf). Anyway, without rambling too much - here I am still trying to get it right. I am not quite out of the woods by any means, but I am grateful to have found this group. Thanks Posted on 08/10/12, 12:36 pm |
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I can totally relate. Left my alcoholic husband a year ago. Still trying to detach. Problem is he said he was going to get a lawyer to do divorce paperwork, which he did, but still no paperwork. Hard to detach when you are still attached! I want so badly to move on, but I'm still stuck in this shell of a marriage. Feeling quite down again these days as I've had to press my lawyer to contact his lawyer so that SOMEONE will do the damned paperwork! There are some days (including yesterday) when I just feel like giving up and going back because the road ahead is so hard, and it is so much easier to live what we know, even when what we know was bad. Think that defines codependency! Ugh!! 
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At least you've made it out - that's where I want to be! Keep going :)
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I have. And I have to keep reminding myself of how far I've come. Apparently the paperwork is in the process of being completed and will be sent to my lawyer shortly. Yea!! Sad but exhilerating at the same time. I honestly believe I will be much better once I'm financially independent. That's what keeps me off balance - having to rely on some unknown weekly amount of child support to make my bills. It has always been about financial security since my mom didn't have any from my dad growing up, and I've seen her struggle for a long time. Don't want to be there.
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Thanks for that reply. Its the reason Ive been stuck . Now that I ve graduated I believe I will find a job that will empower me to survive independently financially. Glad to know Im not the only person trying to figure this out!
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Gosh no. There are lots of us out there. So hard to detach, but I'm working on it.
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