Codependency Support Group

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. It seems like something you want so bad, but it's ok that you don't have it. You have other things to make you happy and so many things in the world to explore. The possibilities are endless.

I am also separated from my family, but i feel pretty happy about that. A bit guilty also (I sent an e-card). But I've had so much pain interacting with my family, i am happy to stay away.

Do something nice for yourself and pls be the one who looks after your inner child for you. If i were there I would give you a flower. Hugs! and Peace!

Hi,

I am sorry, too. Sending you hugs. There are no perfect answers. My relationship with my father improved as he got older. It was never perfect and there was damage done, too. But we were able to have some time together. I hope this happens for you, but if you are able to do this, it will not be with your perfectly imagined daddy. It will be with a man with flaws who might be harsh to deal with. Keeping you in prayers.

Shar

I gotcha trainer. I have so been there, done that when it comes to both mothers day and fathers day since I never had either one of them; only perpetrators abusive in every way. I'm a tough old bird when it comes to that sh*t. It doesn't really get any easier, but I refuse to let it hold me back in my life. Maybe it is because I have accepted that I will never have either one, regardless of who may come along in my life. I have become extremely adept at "planning around" those days to the extent that today, I not only choose carefully my activities on those days to avoid exacerbating the pain, but I even plan around them emotionally. For example, this year in March and April I found ways and means to face, feel, process, and work through hundreds of truckloads of SH*T about my male perpetrator that had been buried under all the other trauma and abuse I had to work through over the years. May was spent in some type of recap, in addition to taking care of me on Mother's day, and making sure that I am also up to par for the equally "evil" father's day. Some people would call this preparation I did fate or chance or even coincidence, because there were circumstances that entered my life outside of my control that I was able to take and use to help facilitate my healing. But I believe my preparation was entirely done by my own choice, will, and determination; I believe subconsciously I knew that if I don't haul out these truckloads of SH*T before fathers day, I will just have another hell day, and heaven knows I have had MORE THAN ENOUGH of them in my life!!
So yeah, gotcha trainer... all I can say is:
1. Keep hauling out the sh*t no matter how draining it becomes!
2. Feel the RELEASE that comes with that!!!!
3. Share your deepest feelings and greatest victories with as many close friends as you can!
4. Accept.... this is the hard part, and something that is drilled over and over in CODA... accept the cruel facts of your life that you cannot change, and
5. Move on to LIVE the rest of your life!! :)
((hugs)), JenLeslie