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Advice:
How to stop being codependent
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I am currently going through a divorce which I initated. It has been the best decision of my life. Through this process I have learned about how I also contributed to the failure of my marriage. I have learned that I am extremely codependent and I don't want to be this way anymore. However, I cannot seem to let go of the negative self talk and the extreme neediness that I feel. How can I improve this? I don't need others to beat me up because I do it enough myself.
Posted on 02/08/09, 10:43 am
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Advice:
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Reply #1 - 02/08/09  1:01pm
" The divorce might feel like the best decision but maybe it is not.

Since you were codependent and you made big mistakes in the relationship, then maybe it would be better to heal your self with your husband.

If you get another man then you will still have the same relationship problems.

What is needed is healthy boundaries, links below;

http://www.atthefence.com/winter200...

http://www.psybersquare.com/family/...

http://store.cloudtownsendstore.com...

It is easier to fix things from inside the problem, because when you divorce then the problem seems to go away and it really does not. "
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Reply #2 - 02/15/09  11:29am
" jg... I would suggest not getting involved romantically w/ anyone new until you have worked on your codependency issues. Otherwise, you'll find that nothing changes from relationship to relationship. Believe me, I've been there.

~C "
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Reply #3 - 02/15/09  11:56am
" you are very brave for realizing and admitting your role in your relationships.

you have already taken the first step to healthy relationships by admitting that you are codependent. knowing this is only the start. But the process of healing is exciting. sometimes it may be uncomfortable, but this is all worth it to get the result of inner peace and confidence.

For me, the 12step program of Alanon has helped more than I can say. I don't know if Alanon applies to your life, but CoDA uses the same steps.

coda.org" title="http://www.coda.org" target="_blank">www.coda.org

Be gentle and kind with yourself in what ever you do.
You are worth it.

take care. "
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Reply #4 - 02/17/09  10:59am
" I was a codependant-as woman we are brought up as being the ones to fix everything. Growing up my family was somewhat difunctional.My parents did the best they could,but every time there was a fight or an issue I tried to fix it,and it was really not my job to do so. I read Codependancy no more and went to councling. Sometimes we do not realize what we are doing at the time. It takes time,don't be hard on yourself-you will make it-take one day at a time. Hugs to you.
Angel52 "

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