Advertisement




More DailyStrength
Health Event Calendar
See what's new on the site
Step-by-step Tutorials
How to use DailyStrength
We're on Facebook
Check out our page
Follow us on Twitter
Read our tweets
Get Cool DS Stuff
Shirts, Hats, Baby Wear
Advice:
Toxic parents and sibling detachment
Watch this 
View More Posts Ignore
I am brand new to this website and I am glad to be here. I am wondering if anyone else has problems with the same codependency issues that I am struggling with? I am codependent, but it isn't a romantic relationship that is holding me down. I keep trying to fix my screwed up parents and sister. My mom is an alcoholic, my dad is a work aholic who is extremely financially irresponsible and my little sister is a meth addict.

I am married to a wonderful Christian man. We have a beautiful little boy, but I spend too much energy and time trying to fix my messed up "childhood" family. I spend hours and hours counseling each of them to help them solve their problems and focus on overcomming their addictions....... and eventually, be it days, weeks or years, they are back to their self-destructive ways again. My husband gets upset with me because he says I bring home my disappointment and frustration with them and take it out on him. He says if I am upset about one of them relapsing that I withdrawl emotionally from him and shut him out.

I know I need to "leave and cleave" from them, but I struggle, because they are my family and I just can't turn my back on my family. I feel very torn. My husband wants me to detach from them a little, but I feel like if I do, they will all sink. Does anyone have any advice, especially in relation to parents or siblings?

Thanks for any input!!
Posted on 04/12/07, 02:17 pm
1 Reply Add Your Advice
Reminder: This is a support group for Codependency. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

You may also create your own Member Groups where you can moderate the discussion.
Advice:
Email me when others reply to this topic help
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #1 - 04/13/07  12:33am
" You are singing my song. I am the oldest of 4 with 2 alcoholic parents who were both bipolar. I married a wonderful, kind, loving man and have been married for 30 years (in October). Your husband is right. You need to detach from them so that they don't bring you down with them. Believe me, they will not all sink. You need to learn to set boundaries (I'm still working on it) where their addictions and dysfunctional behavior does not affect your current family. You will never stop loving them or trying to fix all their problems; but, seriously have all your hours of counseling helped so far? My family broke my heart so many times and I kept going back for more until I realized I was hurting my husband and my children. I stepped back, got perspective, realized the only one I could fix was me and I started (and am still working on) fixing me. Your family of origin made you who you are. You never stop loving them and caring for them, but you can't fix them, you can't keep carrying their cross. Give them to God and instead of counseling them, PRAY for them. God loves them more than you do and he will answer your prayers:) I hope this helps. I'm here if you need me. Take good care of your husband, son, and yourself. Give your family to God and TRUST Him to fix them. "

Add Your Advice
Advertisement


More From Around the Web