What is Cocaine Addiction
Cocaine addiction is the excessive intake of cocaine, and can result in physiological damage, lethargy, depression, or a potentially fatal overdose. Though the immediate craving to...
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My Boyfriend Is A Crack Cocaine Addict
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I love this man very much, I want nothing more than to help him and be with him. We are both codependant as we were both married for 12 - 15 yrs and met eachother shortly after our seperation from our spouses. Bot are afraid to be alone it seems. Because of what we have been through the last 2.5 years with his drug addiction and my depression its like we began sitting around doing absolutely nothing. He is injured, not working and i work full time. When I am at work i would always worry that he woould be gone before I got home. Well one day finally game and he was on a binge, this is not the first time. He binges every few months looses everything he has managed to rebuild. Then when scared and broke he puts himself in the phsych ward to clean himself up. He has gone into a rehab centre in tha past but did not complete the program for others reasons that were out of his control. We tried to keep open communication but we failed and both spiralled down into a depression and new what was coiming but couldn't or weren't trying hard enough to fix it I guess. He is in the hospital now don't know where he is going aafter, can't come home as he has made it unsafe to be in my part of the city. Do dealers really kill people or hurt people over bad debts? I want to have a life with him but am wondering if I am just consumed by him and that we are just wasting our time. He wants to be with me and says he loves me but his addiction is strong when he gets depressed. He says that I will never understand and that I shouldn't try? I can'\t stop thinking about him he consumes my mind. Don't know what to do?
Posted on 09/16/09, 04:09 pm |
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Well I picked him up from the hospital a few days ago, wanted so much for him to come home. Wanted everything to be ok, but started getting scared worried that we would just head own the same road again. me depressed, worried when he's here, worried when he's not here? Its a sick feeling inside. So after a couple days I told him I coulddn't do this, as I can't sleep when he's here can't sleep when he's gone. Because of where we both have come from I started thinking, we ned to build our own, take care of ourselves instead of trying to take care of eachother. Its hard for me as I don't want to be alone, but at the same time when were together Its like everything we had at one time is no longer there? We can't have what we had and if we keep trying were only living in the past of hopes and wants instead of in the future. I feel like a yoyo back and forth, my heart goes back and forth. I have a new home and want to settle but am finding it difficult to do. Like I have no desire to pick up the pieces once again. Thought by bringing him home would make it easier, but it didn't. We just sat around wondering what to do for eachother and now knowing anything. Like being stuck in mud and can't get oout. I hope that we are making the right decisions and that in time things will get better for both of us. Want to once again express my appreciation for the responses here, was more than I ever expected. Thought about starting to journal or something to see if that helps me get through each day?
Thank you! 
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Journaling is a great way of clearing the mind, you sound like you are heading in the right direction, you need to be apart so you can both recover from this, let him deal with his own mishaps, you just work on yourself.
You will benefit from attending AA/AN meetings, also find a therapist, you are dealing with too much to handle this alone!
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I have one question. Has this man even attempted to work any steps?
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He has tried to work the steps but in all honest I don't know if he ever completed them. He has been in and out of a few rehab centres. was going to this one daily daytox centre after completing a 10 day detox. Did very well but then he stopped pushing himself to go?
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It has been my experience that if i cant love me , then i certainly cant love you. First i had to learn to love me , the only way i did that was to be alone with me , to learn to be comfortable in my own skin, to develop a relationship with the God of my understanding.FRom that relationship, my other relationships began to get better. RSAHABD!
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this is very true, and I think its something him and I both need to do? I don't think either of us truly loves ourselves. I am struggling so bad right now, and trying to stand being alone with myself and maybe eetually here start accomplishing something for me? In the end I am as sick as he is emotionally and mentally...
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Just wanted to say and log for myself 2 days after the last post on here, this man I loved so dearly took his own life after what I believe using crack and medicated on heavy antidepressents since mid sept. I will never truly understand why he did this, it has been the hardest thing I've ever endured? But he did mention in his binges there was a point of sinking into a depression that usually made him go to hospital. Fear anxiety suicidal thoughts he went through those after what I assume was after finnishing the heavy binges? I wish here was away to truly understand his addiction? He was a cycler, he cycled with the moon it seemed. He would go three weeks be heavy in dreams and physical symptoms for a week that he had to fight in order to get past every 30 days, and then be ok for 3 more weeks??? He fought hard I know he did I watched him go through it? I never thought he would ever do this to himself ? I think I was consumed so much by the fear and living the life of an addict that I did get to know him but at the same point there was so much I couldn't see. I was also very consumed in my own depression and cycle that had gotton so much worse over the course of time of living with an addict? This has been the most difficult thing I have ever been through?
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im really sorry to hear this..i myself am going threw a simular thing i let him go 3 wks ago i cant deal with his addiction..hes really in bad shape too but what can i do? what can u do?or could've done?we can ask ourselves theses questions from dusk til dawn but the answer will be the same NOTHING ..theres absolutely nothing we can do ..they have to decide..its their choice ..they are grown as well as we are..i have a certain compassion and hope that all with the disease find help and freedom of it..i too am a addict and i cant let someone elses disease kill me trying to get them a cure..same for u..u are in a depression ..u have to fight to keep yourself together..there is a point of putting ones heath first..though we still can feel love and feel for them and i know its rough we have 2 love us 2..prayers 4 u..and sorry for ur loss..
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Sorry for your loss. take care.
Louise
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I can sympathize with this because i was engaged and we we're both crack addicts. I got tired of the whole scene and decided to get clean. he was very happy about this(he kept trying to make me get clean)he was in jail when i left town and went back to my home. he would get out of jail wanting to stay clean, but that never happened. i relapsed twice because of this. then finally he went back to jail for almost a year and we both thought this was a great opportunity for him to get back on track! we had great plans for his release, but when he got out all plans fell through, he went right back to using, leaving me to wondering where he was, when he finally called me i had moved again farther away this time, and he begged for me to give him another chance, i couldnt allow myself to do that, as much as i love him i need to love myself first, i was fighting depression as well, even thought it hurts like hell to not be with him it has to be this way. so i guess what im saying is you need to care about your own well being before you can even think about helping him! and if ypou keep going back to him he will never get better, its a viscous cycle, and only you can break it!
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