Cocaine Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Want to learn about his addiction and what are the things I should be doing to support him?

i've managed to run up debts here in miami the first few months this year and yes drug dealers will kill u under the right circumstances and we do die in active addiction..i was that close this year so i offer you to listen to your instinct ...this addiction is all about life and death..it could be that this brief break in his use is the ideal time for you and him to make some serious choices ..it took me many breaks int he action..prison primarily but my latest break involved and ultimatum given to me by my wife of which i chose to accept..if you arnt the primary user it has got to be easier for you to draw up the choices he needs to make but i know for me somebody had to tell me to make a choice and i made it...

Honey, it sounds as if you need help yourself. how in the world can you help someone addicted to crack, and you suffer from depression? drug dealers do not care if you are not the intended target! i wrote a post today about people thinking that this addiction was a joke. you should read it.

I would suggest that you get some independant help. you may be codependant, but on a crack head? how the hell can you be codependent on a crack head? that sounds out of this world. my harshness about what appears to me to be a sad state of affairs is because the disease of addiction coupled with mental illness makes for a terrible combination. Why are you depressed may I ask, and if you were in a relationship for 12/15 years was your ex husband an addict?

I pray to God that you do not have any children, because the world has enough messed up children.

the best of luck to you, but you need independent help.


connecticut

the only thing i can tell u is that with my own personal experience of trying to help my boyfriend get clean i found i was in error thinking i could help him get clean...to expain this more clearly i'll give u an example..when u are in someones life no matter who they are u are in the passenger seat..when u are in an addicts life u are in the passenger seat too but the drugs are doing the driving and u will get run over and before u can get out the hospital the addict will ask u to borrow some money for just ONE more..the best bet is to walk away til they take back the wheel and aff them to prayer..goodluck.

Horpldsheff thank you for your post, i find it very interesting and help full to here from recovering addict that have been where he is, as i want to get a better understanding of what its like for the addict.

Connecicut Im not sure if you understand what codependency is? And yes its very true addiction is no joke it kills people lives. I read your post but did not agree with the things you had to say, you don't come accross as all that educated on the subject. It seems your word tell em you've never experienced addiction or the addiction of a loved one? I do have 3 beautiful children and he has 3 of his own. Yes my ex has an alcohol addiction and i stood by his side and stll stand by him after 5 years of seperation. Life and love is not a light switch you cant switch on and off or turn and run when things get tuff. I do realize that I need independent help and i am seeking it through alanon and reading. Looking into some counseling too!

Lisa I like and agree with your expression ..when u are in an addicts life u are in the passenger seat too but the drugs are doing the driving and u will get run over ... My boyfriend has never asked ar taken money from me for his addiction, everyhing he blowss is his, he is a binger so it seems he just gets cleaned up and starts climbing back out of the mess he creates from a binge and then he will get depressed about something and feeling like he's loosing everything and then just throws in the towel and gives up. When he binges he goes hard and just wants the drugs to kill him and then when he's broke and realizes it didn't kill him and he hates what he has done he will seek help, usually its cause he has used so much and in a paranoid state of mind. This last time he got into quite a mess with some people and I'm not sure how safe he is to even walk down the street anymore. I think he wants to come home when he's out of detox but I don't know if thats healthy for him or me. He will usually stay clean for approximately 3 months now. Its like in his mind he's done now but three months down the road something will happen and trigger him and he's gone again. It seems each time he can go longer between binges, at one point it was like he cycled with the moon, or like a female gets her period, as he could only go 28 to 30 days between binges. He says he hates it when he's out there and the more he uses the more he hates himself and he keeps on going to turn off the feelings. I love him but don't know what is right for either of us.....

Sandrya..one of the beautiful things about this website is that we get the chance all of us in dsyfunction so remember as you recieve feedback..all of us are addicts or come from dsyfunctional thinking and sometimes that bs still comes out of our mouth..you are absolutely correct in your thoughts about how hard it is for us to turn our love on and off...i pray that you will continue to share your thoughts and that we can give u trusted feedback you can use..Harold

Honey, I have years of recovery. I understand your co dependance, and your justification, and rationalizing too. I am not writing to cause you any harm. I am direct,and to the point about this awful disease.

Your b/f robs you, and the children when he goes binging. if you are so emotionally attached to this man, who will help your children? maybe some tough love will help you help him, remove yourself, and your children. and maybe you can not help him! Maybe this is a job for God, do you know him?

You appear to be in a make believe land, and the addict is placed in reality, a very ugly reality. He will get you, and the children hurt if he is playing Russian Roulette with the drug dealers.

They do not care about you, your children, or your b/f. they want their money! period the end. your b/f can not hide out in a treatment facility for long.

I hope for the sake of your children that you remove them from this insane relationship, because if you do not they with grow up and have awful behaviors, or PTSD. the world has enough of that already. become a part of the solution for your children.

I would suggest you join the group "families & friends of addicts support group" you will find members going through the same thing.
What you are doing is enabling him to continue with his addiction, you are protecting him from hitting rock bottom so he will never change (i done the same with my ex) nothing will change unless you change, he knows you will stand by him so he has no reason to stop! My ex did not take my money or steel from me, i made him go before he got to that stage but i am still dealing with the aftermath of his addiction almost a year on. He has now found a better enabler than me, she pays his mortgage! they dont give a toss who they drag into their addiction, he cant live without you because you aid his addiction.
If you remain in this relationship his addiction will progress & he will take you down with him. You need to step back & let him face the consequences of his addiction otherwise both your lives will spiral out of control. best wishes.

Louise

I would also like to add - my childrens father is a big drug dealer & the answer to your question is YES they do kill people for debt!
My ex is ruthless & so are his sidekicks.
He would think nothing of burning your house down with your children in it, he has bitten off peoples ears, noses & walked in peoples houses who owe him drug money & taken everything they own.
Believe me drug dealers have no compassion what so ever!

Loumc - you are so right and honest. Denial of the facts is one of the most dangerous and debilitating things in all of our situations - whether as addicts or as a spouse/partner of one. As a wife of a debilitated crack addict (who was formerly a Director of a key department in a MAJOR law firm and someone with almost 20 years experince in high security clearance work), I came to this forum hoping for a more open forum than NA as it suited me better. It has been a pivotal catalyst for me - truly. Having spent hours each day initially learning about everyone's experience - users/spouses/recovering/etc - I literally woke up to what I was really facing and put denial behind me. It has been the most liberating (though bitter) pill to swallow but allowed me go on to a more healthy (and less 'enabling') existence. I hope that Sandyra gives even the most blunt advice a chance and lets it absorb fully. It is only with the sober knowledge that any of us will be able to get over the hurdles. Peace..