What is Chronic Pain
Chronic pain becomes chronic when it persists longer than 6 months and is resistant to medical management. Millions of Americans are chronic pain patients and some exper...
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Why is my family doing this to me??!!
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Why can't family understand that when you have chronic illnesses and chronic pain that you can't work! I have one of those famlies that think your a piece of shit if you don't have some kind of job and are bringing in some money from it. It doesn't matter that i am going to college right now and getting Finacial aid to help. It doesn't matter that even though I wouldn't be able to work a full time job if I could work at all that I still have been filling out application after application, resume after resume. I can't go there and talk to the manager like they always tell me to do because I don't have a car, drivers lisence and when I can I do take the bus places. My car was stolen a year ago from me and I never got it back. Every one in my family is like this even though a couple of them barely have jobs themselves and only have what they have out of luck because it was just given to them by someone else in the family. Same with them all having cars they only do because my dad and other members of the family gave them a damn car. They didn't buy it themselves like I had to. That didn't happen for me. When I say family I am mainly talking about my four brothers and father. They have more problems than I do but just don't think they do and I am not the kind of person and never have been to let them know that or to tell them all to go to hell. The problem is that I am always dependent in some way on someone in my family latley makiing them think they can treat me that way. Ever since I got sick, got a divorce because hubby had an affair and through me out into the streets where I was homeless and then car was stolen and I didn't have a job to help myself, I have chronic pain and other problems all the time. Not to mention I have struggled with depression and severe anxiety for years, can't get any help or aid from the state so I from time to time needed help. I'm talking about little things here like 10 dollars and I didn't even ask for them for it they would offer but when I took them up on their offer they make me pay for it by thinking they can say what ever they want to me about my life and holding things over my head. They constantly hurt my feelings. Right now after being homeless for 2 years, literally lived in my car for two years and no one in my family gave a damn I moved in with my little brother who was 5 hours away. I help out with food because i got food stamps and he didn't have to buy any of his own food he just ate all my food. And I do all the dishes every day. And as soon as they are clean he dirties them up by making some huge meal for himself that he doesn't even share. The I have to go clean it up.Then when I get my financial aid check I buy all the things the house might need. he uses up all my shampoo and conditioner, tooth paste, ib profin, tylenol PM and other things on a contant basis and I am cool about it even though it ticks me off because he has never paid for any of his own things like that and uses it all up before I can even get any of it alot of the time. Still I don't say anything. I contribute to gas if I do use his old truck but mostly I get around on the bus. I have no friends over or anything like that. You don't even know I'm there. Before I came he had nothing to eat and was having problems with those type of things already. So its actually a good thing Im here helping him but he doesnt see it like that.He hasn't paid the rent in a couple of months before I even got here. And still hasn't for a year now yet he wants me to go get a job so I can pay it. A friend of one of my other brothers owns the place and I guess wont kick him out. I said O.K. when I get the financial aid I will pay half but will you be able to pay the other half? He said no! So it would just be me. Yet I am already paying for food, house stuff, for my own things and when he wants to borrow a $20.00 before pay day I always give it to him. Why in the hell would he expect only me to pay the rent and not him. That makes no sense. Occasionaly I will borrow 3 dollars for rollies and always give it right back. Yet he has the nerve to ask me what I am doing to get a job and why havn't I done this and why havn't I done that! How am I suppose to get there if I don't have a damn car in the first place?! I have to wait until I have bus money and he knows that but he will still get on me. This is coming from a guy that only has a part time job right now and hardly has any money of his own and the money he does have he spends on alchol and drugs. Yes, hes an alcoholic too. There is alot I can to him about his life but I don't. So why does he think he can do it to me? I don't do any of that stuff. When I get money I spend it on things I need to spend it on. Plus, he knows I have many chronic disabilties and am in pain all the time but just to make him happy and please him have turned in about 40 resumes and applications to people. No one has called me. The city I am in is suppose to have the worst unemployment rate in California. On top of that he knows I just went through very tramatic experiences where I lost my kids to my x-husband and his mistress with a whole lot of other stuff and have post traumatic stress disorder. Why can't they just give me a damn break! Why is he doing this to me and being so unfair! Why is my family such uncaring. jerks? Why doesn't any of them care or understand that I can't just run out and get a job. It's not that easy. Why isn't he trying to get a job himself since it's only part time and not bringing in enough money for himself. He can't even pay his own rent. He just wants me to pay it and at the same time buy nothing but his alcohol. Does this sound right to anyone? Is it just me or is this crazy talk? Sorry for venting. I am so upset because he just did it again to me. They want things from me that I can't give and there is nothing I can do about it and since I am living with him I have to put up with it. I have no where else to go. Every one in my family are assholes and wont help me. I'm just sick about all this. Sorry for venting. If you did read this, thank you. Does this seem unfair to you? Any thoughts about it I would appreciate. Thankyou
Posted on 11/05/09, 04:11 pm |
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If you are in college, look up the Disability Accomodations office. They will help get you housing on campus. You may not like this but I guarantee you it would be better than living with your brother. Your brother and your family does this to you because you let them. Especially your brother that you live with, you are his enabler. You may not see it that way, but right now, you and the friend that won't kick him out are the ones keeping him drunk. If he had to do it on his own, would he be able to? No. Get yourself out of that situation and what is wrong with telling them to go to hell? Once you start standing up for yourself, and only then, will your relationship with your family change. Your best bet is to focus on school, go live on campus where your money goes only to helping you and not your brother's alchoholsim.
Good luck. 
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Also, in addition to the salvation army, you can contact the United Way for a referral to other agencies that can help. Just dial 211. That is their referral line.
As for the food stamps, I understand your frustration. I tried to get help while I was in college and they didn't help me because of the student loans I was getting. Yet, if I had done the degenerate thing and gotten pregnant at 18, walked in there with a baby on my hip, they would have given me any assistance that I needed. And then we wonder what went wrong with our country?! When you give people money for doing all the wrong things, do you really think anyone is going to start doing the right thing?
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Thankyou for your post. Yes, I know exactly what you mean about having a kid on your hip. About the college don't you need to be on SSI to get those kinds of services? I will check it out, thank you.
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I so agree with water snake, a good old fashion ass kicking.... Well I so understand because at first my teenager didnt belive what Im going through and that was hard enough besides the pain I had to deal with a family that would call me a drug addict because I took Vicoden and what they didnt realize or understand is that I have RA, and Myasthenia Gravis plus I might have to go in for another round of chemo, for shame on the familys that dont love us and stand behind us, all we are trying to do is get better if that makes any sence I hope so take care
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It sounds like your pain is under control enough for you to go to school and do things which is positive. I agree with the others. My family is toxic too, and once you are sick , they kick you when you are down. It is like grabbing a bunch of broken straws. I am scared as I just started getting so ill, my sisters actually came out, and it was my fault I was in shock, my dog had cancer, no doctor at the time, no friends with me, and my sisters lied, told an attorney I was an addict, and got my nursing license of 30 yrs suspended. Now they think I should get well , and get a job. And after all of those losses, I got so so sick. I lost my provider, my house was foreclosed, my job, my dog to cancer, and she was too special , I cannot even figure out how to get another dog for the one grieving, as I am grieving, I need a 2 day a week job to pay the bills as I have disability, but I never was married, always wanted kids. I am a Christian and I do know like these people are saying, you need to get your own power back. You sound physically healthy enough to do it, and that is a blessing. Remember the movie, homeless to Harvard. Get the financial aid, and they will help you with housing, and you already have food, so that will be a start. Hugs, rain
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I think the speciaI assistance your coIIege couId provide wouId be totaIIy unreIated to SSI. At the very Ieast, taIk to them and see what ideas they have for either assistance on campus or in your community.
Near many coIIege campuses there are retired coupIes whose homes are now Iarger than they need and they rent out rooms to students at a very reasonabIe rate. Given that you are a IittIe oIder than many students, I think they wouId be eager to rent to you because they wouId know you are more IikeIy to be a responsibIe tenant. There might aIso be an eIderIy person who Iives aIone and wouId be wiIIing to exchange room and board for the security of having another person in the home overnight. I don't know how Iong ago you were divorced, but it might be worth taIking to your attorney to see if you can get aIimony from your ex untiI you compIete your education and are abIe to support yourseIf. I can't beIieve that any man wouId be such a piece of garbage that he wouId Iet the mother of his chiIdren be homeIess and Iive in her car! I'm so sorry you're having to go through aII of this. So many times any heIp we receive from famiIy members has not just strings attached, but heavy ropes.
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Raindrop,
How on earth do you get your Nursing license suspended for prescription meds? Must be one wierd state. Did you appeal? We should consider simply not saying to anyone that we are on opioid pain meds? We can claim we're on Motrin, and find a fancy word to describe any other med we take. Then hide the damned things. I used to pass off fent patches as nicotine. It'll keep the heat off, and eliminate those who want to "borrow" an opiate. -Snake
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You know.... Snake is right. That is lesson that all of us that are in chronic pain and in narcotic medications need to learn, and learn it well!
Do NOT tell anyone, anyone about what type of medications you take and for what, I have found that even close friends are not to be trusted when it comes to our medications. The only person that needs to know about the medications is you and your Physician or your medical team, that is it. As humans, and mostly as women, we like to tell everyone everything because we have the need to be heard and to be understood, but when it comes to our medications we need to keep our mouths shut! And Eascusa, the sooner you get out of your brother's house, the better off you will be, so let's hope that you can find the help that you need.
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Snake, I didn't get my license taken away because of prescriptions although they probably would have if I was on them at the time. It was taken away after they found out that I had a petty theft on my record when I first turned 18 at a grocery store. I guess you can't have any kind of thing like that on there.
Rain, As far as living on campus the community college doesn't have on campus living. So that isn't in and they took my food stamps away because I have over 5 units of school so I no longer have a way to feed myself and I am in pain all the time among many other things that is why I have the online classes right now. So I don't have to go to the college itself when I don't feel good or hurt all the time. As far as what happened to you and them thinking you were an addict and then you lost everything, I know exactly how you feel. That is exactly almost what happened to me two years ago to start this whole big mess in the first place. I do want to take my husband to court and get a divorce and even have him give me alimony especially after what he did having an affair and kicking me out into the streets and taking my children away from me. But I have no money to pay for a lawyer and I don't think a free public defender will get the job done or done right. Thanks everyone, I am looking into some of the things mentioned and I really appreciate everyones advise and comfort.
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Some with chronic pain issues are subject to abuse from the ones they live with. Especially if your dependent on them for a place to live. I have had to live under others roof and had so many rules placed on me. Worst of all, if you complained, they would put you out of the house. And, this is family, I hate to see what a stranger could do to me.
If brother expects you to get a job to pay the rent and your able to do so............get your own place and leave him drifting in the wind.
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