What is Chronic Pain
Chronic pain becomes chronic when it persists longer than 6 months and is resistant to medical management. Millions of Americans are chronic pain patients and some exper...
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Betrayed and P*ssed Off!!
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So recently my husband has told me that he wants a divorce because he doesn't think I "handle" my medical conditions well. That and it's always something with me. (He is referring to my chronic illnesses.) I knew he had brought his parents into this though I wish he hadn't. I figured he was telling them some horrendous stories about how my pain is all in my head so I wanted to talk to them. I decided to write a letter letting them know that I knew they agreed with his assessments of me: (That I have a victim mentality, I am a negative person. and I don't handle my illnesses well.) I was trying to send this at 5:30 in the morning and could not remember his mother's email address. So I went into his email account to get her email address. Before I could go to the contact list, I saw an email from his mother. I opened it up to get her address. Unfortunately, it was an e-mail that was never intended for me to see. It was a conversation between his mother and an attorney she knows requesting a referral to a good divorce attorney. Here is an excerpt:
Atty: How nasty will this get? Mother in law: .. a lot is at stake. Everything is in my son's name. In addition, he and our family put her through college. She will likely try to say that due to her poor health (in her opinion) she needs lots of alimony, place to live etc. He just can't afford to pay for... everything else she will likely request. Thank goodness there are no children involved. I think we will need someone tough... Now anyone who knows of my $60k student loan debt would understand how pissed off I am at her audacity. She is trying to claim that they put me through school?! What bulls**t!! I have had to work multiple jobs while going to school to finish. What's worse is that this man that supposedly loved me is so obsessed about finances that he was not willing to work two jobs while I was in school to take the pressure off. I still had to work 60 hours a week and go to school fulltime. ANd now this b*tch has the nerve to say she put me through school. What the hell is wrong with people in this world?! ANd the credit card I did have to pay some tution on, I paid the montly payment on that by myself. I am so furious about this. Then today she tells me that she is fine with us not having any relationship. If my husband and I are able to save our marriage, and this b*tch thinks she will be welcomed back into my life with open arms, she has another thing coming. The nerve!! Posted on 07/02/09, 11:07 pm |
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I am so sorry that this has happend to you,its must be so hurtfull.I don,t know how I would feel if it were me.Althuogh I have been through very simler situations about paeaple leaving becouse of my health.It hurt so much at the time,but as they say time is a great healer.I have learned that in life we will get hurt,abused and all the rest peaple will always let you down weather they mean it or not.Hold on love I am sure you will be better off when you are out of this situation. 
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I hope you copied that email. do you think you could honestly trust this man? I know how painful this is right now, but you really can not think he will ever be supportive if he doubts you now and has his family completely hoodwinked and getting involved. My advise is get an attorney and show him the email and your dr's diagnosis and your receipts for your student loans. You are entittled to have a place to live and alimony. while you were working you were contributing and now that you have health issues he is not sapose to support you? talk about childish, what ever happened to for better or for worse in sickness and health. You need people who are going to be there for you and support you. and yes you will heal in time. and i am a firm believer in god does not like ugly and what goes around comes around. Just know you have done everything you can and try not to allow this to consume you and stress you out, stress is a killer. I will pray for you and i know things will get better.
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Wow! I am so very, very sorry for what you are going through, this is not right! I have to say ditto to everything that Koilover said. I wish and hope that you can save your marriage, but when you have a mother in law that has her nose in everything that her little boy does and a man that is attached to the apron strings of mother, I will say, you go retain an attorney ASAP!
Make sure that you forward that letter to your e-mail address and make several copies of it to have as evidence. I have seen so many marriages destroyed due to CP. Is it right? Heck NO! People forget their vows like Koilover said, they want everything to be rosy and peachy keen, and when is not they want to run away! How sad is that.... OK, get your T's crossed and your I's dotted, get all of the receipts and anything that you might have W2's, etc. that shows how much money you brought into this marriage while you were going to school. Go ahead and send that woman (mother), the letter that you were going to send her; acting like you know absolutely nothing about the lawyer letter and see what her reaction is. Make sure to copy the letter to yourself. Further more, get all of your medical records. The ones that show and verify what your condition is, Doctor notes, etc. so you can bring all of these stuff to your attorney. Do not allow them to hit the first ball out of the park, you do it! I know that this hurts, I know that you are in emotional pain right now, but it is time to go into survival mode. Is time to go into self-preservation mode. This too shall pass, and you will become a better and stronger person because of it. Lots of hugs,
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Just like Yipper said - get all of your things inorder now. And get an attorny ASAP! Whether or not you trust your husband or are trying to work things out, make sure you also protect yourself in the meantime. Take care of it in a matter of fact kind of way in order not to get to emotional or overwhemled. Imagine what you would do for a best friend or your own daughter in this situation.
You must be devastated. I can't imagine. But don't send ANYTHING in writing to that bitch - ever. And don't give anything in writing to your dear hubby either. Trust me. It is amazing how some people can turn on others in the event of illness. I guess it becomes too much of a burden for some. But God knows. Doesn't say much about the kind of people they are. How would they react if he had a sick child and she a sick grandchild. I imagine it would be the same. It is disgusting. If they are that nasty already there is probably plenty of dirt you can dig up on them about other things. get a lawyer. And get a private investigator if at all possible. Of course do these things without telling them that you are. Just like they did to you! It sucks feeling like you have been made to feel useless or of no value because of your illness. But the truth is - your hubby and mother in law (and all people like them) are the ones with the problem. They are warped. And they are self centered disgusting excuses for life. Either they will be like this FOREVER or some tragedy will change their thinking. You are a better person than them - with much more value than both of them combined. Remind yourself that every day and try not to let the stress make you sicker. And remember - you are so much stronger than you realize. In the end you will surprise yourself. :)
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I so know what you are going thru...
My marraige was wonderful until the day I was told that my back would never get better. First my husband fell completely to pieces, so I ended up worrying about him while trying to cope with the news myself. Then he started getting angry. It was like everything was about HIM - my pain was stressing him out & giving him insomnia so his performance at work was affected; I was preventing him from travelling because I couldn't sit in a plane; I was depriving him of a house because my income dropped when I had to go on disability; and I was robbing him of children because I was on to many drugs & in too poor a physical state to have a baby. It never seemed to occur to him how I felt about all of these things. I put up with all of his resentment and anger for another 4 years because I loved him and I actually felt guilty that my medical problems were affecting him. By the end our relationship was so toxic that he would walk out of any room I walked in to. Finally I left. And even though I had to leave the city I loved (Vancouver. BC) and move back to Ontario, and live with my parents again at the age of 39 - all things I had vowed never to do again - my life is SO MUCH BETTER NOW. All that grief and stress is gone! So remember, even when things are foul, that you can be rid of all this crap. Good luck\1
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~OMG Sweetie you could use a (((HUG)))~
I too am sorry you are having to experience this emotional turmoil with everything else that you are going through, how cruel! I cannot provide you with much assistance as far as divorce and lawyers are concerned but I do know you need to continue to care for yourself during this ordeal. Nothing like a major dose of stress to exasperate your condition! Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work!! Why is she sticking her big ol' nose where it does not belong?? After reading your comments about the email between your MIL and the lawyer, I think it is becoming more obvious why your marriage was encountering the problems it was! Keep the faith Girl and know that you can make it through this and you will be stronger for it! Crafty
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exhausted,
I sent you a private message..
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This is the lowest blow of all, when family think we are hypochdriacts (so) making up the pain.
FOR WHAT!!!!! What we have to go thru to get help, face each day with a smile, face some days AT ALL!!! And these people who supposedly love us turn their backs when we need them most! What happened to "for better or for worse"? This is the "for worse" part. Did he think life would always be a bed of roses? Hope you find some relief soon, C
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I thank you all for your support, but I am afraid it may be over. My husband refuses to leave his parents out of our marriage. This is a betrayal of my trust and I feel like I just can't trust him anymore. Without trust, there can be no marriage. Essentially, he is choosing his parents over me. I can't magically make my illnesses go away, so he would rather not be with me so that he can go be with someone "healthy". Why don't people understand the vows they make before they make them?
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I am sorry for the turn of events in your life. It is very sad, but true, not many people remember what the vows are all about, is either "their way or the highway", and that is not right!
He wants to be with his parents.... well, let him be then, but make sure to get yourself a good lawyer that will get you some alimony. Start getting all of your paperwork together (W-2's, college loans, etc) to show your lawyer that his parents DID NOT put your through school and that you did it all on your own. Is not easy to have to deal with this emotional turmoil when you are sick, but why stay in a marriage that is causing you this much pain and sorrow? And remember, stress and emotional situations add to our physical pain. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do for number 1!!
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