What is Chronic Pain
Chronic pain becomes chronic when it persists longer than 6 months and is resistant to medical management. Millions of Americans are chronic pain patients and some exper...
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hard time dealing with all of this
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There is so much that goes into dealing with chronic pain issues...from difficulty or inability to work, medical system, and bills and paying for meds, helping friends and family deal, understand and actually help me....while trying to help them. I am in a state of complete physical and mental exhaustion as far as this goes.....how can I possibly keep this up? It has only been about 3 years of this for me, and so many of the days seem like an eternity. This whole evening has been months long, and it will not end, and I cannot sleep as usual. I am at a point where I can really not even cry right now.
My medical bills are piling up, the need to work is putting a lot of presssure on me. We are in some really substantial debt, and the only way we are going to see our way through is by the good job I have...which is about to demand more hours of me, so the money can be better. But I do not think I can do it, and be sane and function. I fell like I have this hole that started as a small indent under me 3 years ago, and little by little, I have worked to function as I get shorter and deeper in, but I almost feel like I am losing my ability to keep in contact with humanity as I fall deeper into the ground. And then there is the part of me that just wants the dark to take over, and the ground to swallow me up so I do not have to work so hard to reach for something that I cannot get at. The holiday put way too much stress on me. We ended up going to way too many parties, becuase we did not make the xmas day trip out of town to see my inlaws...so we did everything with my family, and then saw the inlaws over new years...which was great to get out. But I hate to say this but it was too much of my family, and I feel like I got no rest. And I went back to teaching part time monday, and I feel more overextended than ever. I do not know if I can hold this job down...but it is the best between the two of us. I feel so alone right now....that somehow no one really truly understands what I have to bear from day to day to make it work...I know my husband truly tries, but still I feel like I have to do this 90% on my own. He tries to help, but I feel like what he would really have to do to help me would be more than he is willing to do. And this may be me selling him short, and a big part of it is that I will not ask, but I see how he handles little things that go along with this big problem, and I am scared that this pain that consumes me is going to push him away. I love him more than anyone or thing in this world...more than my life even right now. I want to be here for him, and do good for him, but I feel like my existence demands more than anyone, including me, can keep up with. I am losing energy to fight this. How do I balance it, put it into perspectve, and function.....and how do I ask this wonderful man for what I need, without feeling like he is going to be put out and annoyed by problem? Any ideas would be so appreciated.....I am up here trying to clear this out of my mind so I can possibly sleep...and trying hard not to take more meds...relief has got to come right? What do you do? thanks! ab Posted on 01/07/09, 02:01 am |
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First off I just wanted to say hi to another person from colorado, I am in littleton just outside denver, I love it up there in Buena Vista, absolutly beautiful up there! It is hard dealing with all of the issues that go along with CP, I think we discussed dealing with our spouses in several threads before, and although for the most part they try and uinderstand and cope with what we are going through, they cant truly understand what we deal with on a daily basis, I have even suggested my wife get some counceling to help her cope with my issues. I can also understand the stress from the holidays and overdoing it to the point of making the pain worse, I try ti limit my daily activitys to where I can get out a little bit, take a walk around barnes and nobles, Target, etc, but even that is limited as it dosnt take much to wear me out now, but learn to pace yourself, so as not to over do it. Communication is going to be the key in dealing with this and your husband, try to talk about everything with him, let him know what makes it worse, and what makes you feel better. We are all going to deal with this a little differently, I have to take meds, without them I couldnt function at all, I would be a basket case. Hope things start to go a little better for you, T 
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Teaching is extremely stressful, especially middle school. And then when you add financial problems on top of that...You need to start communicating with your husband about how you are feeling, the pain,stress, worrying and that you need help with things. Have you taken him to any of your Dr. appointments? That is a good place to start, because often the Dr. will try and explain the amount of pain you are in. Counseling is also a good start, not just for him but for both of you. This just may not be a good time to take on more teaching even if the money is needed. Stress adds to pain, pain adds to stress, and it becomes a vicious cycle. It's obvious you love your husband, communicate with him before it festers.
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Hi there. I know where you are exactly because I felt the same way and I have a close friend who is going through the same thing. Whose of us who have been dealing with this for a long time will tell you that it takes time; but one day you WILL wake up and feel an acceptance that you havent had before. I fought and fought and fought that I was sick (this cant be happening to me at my age - back then late 20's early 30's when they didnt even know what Fibro was) and the more I fought it the worse I felt. I never thought I would get to any point of feeling ok about it. I loved my job and still want to get back to it more than anything, and it will take time. But I promise you that one day you will wake up with a certain acceptance of your situation that you havent had before. And though this doesnt stop the pain, it makes life a little easier every day.
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I agree with TimColordo, comminucation is the key.
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Hi Ab. So sorry for what you are going thru. It will get more manageable. I also have terrible head pain from a car accident and then in 95 a fall at work, on the back of my head. I was doing hair and there was gel or ssomething on the floor and I spun around and landed straight back on my head and back. That was the final nail in my coffin and I haven't been able to work since. The head and neck pain was so bad I just wanted to die. I could not get any relief. I would take any pain over that cervical pain. After the car accident with plastic surgery, and pins and plates in my ankle I could work. Finally I gave chiropractic a shot. The relief was immediate, she is great.You might have to try a couple before you find the right one for you. Then I was prescribed Esgic for the head pain. It is a miracle drug. Its a barbituate and I believe aspirin as well. Perhaps this would also work for you. As far a trying to do all the things you would like to do but can't just pace yourself. You will eventually know how to deal with this BS. But it is chronic which means until they find a cure we are stuck with it. I had a nice pool and jacuzzi at my last house and then my ex gor on the crack pipe and poof its all gone, (and so is he) yippy skippy !!! So a heating pad and hot shower or bath will have to do. I know a jacuzzi would be great for you, but financially thats probably not possible. Do you have insurance to help with medical bills?? Just keep coming here to DS, you will find OZ Dorothy !! Love and Hugs, Deb
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Just another thought, you mentioned sleep not happening. I take Elavil 75mgs at night and that works well. Also one of those neck oillows that are shaped like a horseshoe are great. I got mine at Walgreens. If I think of anything else I'll post it. Also Hunni it sounds like you have a great husband, and I know stressing over how he will deal is not good for your pain level. Love, Deb
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Thanks to all who replied. I needed to hear from someone....I need to come here more, but sometimes cannot think of the things that help me. When I am in such pain it just all goes out the window...all the good things I know. I read something the other day that suggested that you create a book/journal to yourself outlining everything that makes you feel better....physical and mental, along with good things about life to remember when in a big flare. I forget the smallest simplest things that make me feel better. But I think most of all I needed to remember I am not alone, even though it truly feels like that in the world I move in physically.
My husband is wonderful. I think sometimes I feel I am protecting him when I try to leave out as much as possible. I know he is so frustrated and feels helpless by all of this, so I try to just keep my pain low key as much as possible. Last night I just made the offhand comment that my pain was about 50% less at bed time. And he looks at me and says...what kind of pain? I think he did not even realize how bad off I was....he had missed the crying everytime by minutes, and I have to remember that pain is not visible. I think he is so used to me saying I hurt, that it can seem like a small thing sometime. I know I need to communicated better with him about the specifics of things, and then he can help, and feel more in control of assisting the situation. SO there it is, I can think clearly at certain points in the day. But again thank you all for giving your years of experience to this fairly newbee who is just flailing out there sometimes. I truly appreciate that there are people willing to respond.
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I get it....I know exactly where you're at emotionally. I have been in the chronic pain condition to the crippling point for about 3 years now too. I also have a GREAT husband, but I'm terrified of asking him all the time for what I need him to do for me. I feel like he already does so much, the laundry, the vacuuming, the mopping, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. I don't want to add more to his duties to try to take care of me too. He seems so frustrated having to clean up after the kids when he gets home from work, but then again if I don't ask him for a back rub if I need one, he'll say "why didn't you just ask?" Of course, when I do ask, I get "the sigh". He must not even realize he does it, but he does. Perhaps I look for it way too hard, but it's there, "the sigh", anyone else get that? I am being a burden. I don't want to be a burden. I never wanted someone to have to take care of me. I am supposed to be the caretaker. I stayed home with my children so I could take care of them. I didn't intend on having to ask all of them to take care of me. I'm about to start a new regimen of pain meds, so I imagine I will be going through an adjustment period soon that may throw me into the downward spiral I hate so much. I also recently realized I am going to have to up my hours at work in order to earn enough credits for disability. Like you, I don't think I can do it, but I'll kill myself trying. I really, really know where you are. You can send me a message if you would like. We can go through this together.
Jen
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I get it....I know exactly where you're at emotionally. I have been in the chronic pain condition to the crippling point for about 3 years now too. I also have a GREAT husband, but I'm terrified of asking him all the time for what I need him to do for me. I feel like he already does so much, the laundry, the vacuuming, the mopping, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. I don't want to add more to his duties to try to take care of me too. He seems so frustrated having to clean up after the kids when he gets home from work, but then again if I don't ask him for a back rub if I need one, he'll say "why didn't you just ask?" Of course, when I do ask, I get "the sigh". He must not even realize he does it, but he does. Perhaps I look for it way too hard, but it's there, "the sigh", anyone else get that? I am being a burden. I don't want to be a burden. I never wanted someone to have to take care of me. I am supposed to be the caretaker. I stayed home with my children so I could take care of them. I didn't intend on having to ask all of them to take care of me. I'm about to start a new regimen of pain meds, so I imagine I will be going through an adjustment period soon that may throw me into the downward spiral I hate so much. I also recently realized I am going to have to up my hours at work in order to earn enough credits for disability. Like you, I don't think I can do it, but I'll kill myself trying. I really, really know where you are. You can send me a message if you would like. We can go through this together.
Jen
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